Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

Should say I don’t understand why she didn’t just bundle DD into her buggy and walk it.

If she's normally a good nanny, I would not sack her but I would be strong about that being unacceptable. Also reiterate he should not be in the house during her working hours.

It’s up to you if you want to sack her and start again searching for a nanny… but there are other things you can do, like kick him out or give her a formal written warning. Your boundaries aren’t firm enough and he’s become way too lax which I wouldn’t be ok with.

Well I wouldn't have let him move in in the first place.

I’d sack her. She left your baby with someone you had said couldn’t be in the house to save herself the hassle of taking the baby for a walk!

Well you shouldn’t have let him stay in the first place, but no absolutely not. She has zero judgement clearly. I think you have let so much slide you have lost touch with what professionalism looks like.

It’s a hard no from me, she’d be gone.

No. Surely she puts the child that needs a car seat into a buggy / pram and s/he goes with her on this ' which is literally a 5 minute walk away ' trip to nursery.

and he shouldn't even be in your home during here working hours, as she is supposed to be ' working ' not entertaining her boyfriend.
does he not work ?

personally I would be considering a written warning.

and I think it's time he moved on, how long has he been staying in the caravan.

Not sack, no. Tell her not to do it again, yes.

Wow isn't that not allowed?
She should have known that herself shouldn't she?

I find this a bit shocking honestly.

Absolutely kick the boyfriend out.
Now. It's just wrong even if he is nice.

I wouldn't be surprised if you wanted the stop using the nanny as well.

btw how do you know she left him/her with boyfriend ?

did she tell you, and if so why did she tell you ?
did someone at Nursery notice baby wasn't with her ?

That’s a tough one. Could you give her a warning? Put in writing. I’d let her know that he’s not to be in the house at all under any circumstances, he’s not to be left with the children and if it happens again she’s going to be terminated

This except I’d be classing it as gross misconduct and I’d have lost all trust in the nanny. Why the hell have you allowed him to live in the caravan in the garden?

If this is an isolated lapse of judgement/moment of laziness, I would be tempted to give her a written warning.

At the end of the day, her most important job is to be with your children when you can’t.

It goes without saying that her BF has overstayed his welcome now, although incident really isn’t his fault. I just think it is too distracting for your nanny to have him around while she’s working.

He’s been here two weeks on Sunday. In fairness, he is making an effort to find somewhere to live as DH had a word with him about it the other day in a friendly way and he showed DH emails he had been sending/viewings he had booked in.

We can only for sure that he’s been there with her twice- once SD came home from work (last week) and didn’t think anything of it and only told us and only thought to tell us when DH walked in from work early the other day and me and him had an argument over it and she walked in. Bit annoyed she didn’t tell us, but she is just 18 and I wouldn’t think at that age plus it isn’t her job to keep an eye on her/the kids.

DH sat nanny down earlier and has told her me and him need to have a discussion over the weekend what is best to do. Fortunately, she is visiting her parents with her boyfriend this weekend so she isn’t here.

Im really at a loss- I agree he needs to go if we keep her on but at the same time I don’t know if I can forgive her for being so careless with my child. But at the same time she is amazing, the children adore her and it will cause some disruption for a while.

Would I sack a nanny over my vulnerable baby being left in the care of a little known man, with no references obviously and no DBS check, someone I have not employed to look after my child, while I am paying her to take care of my baby??

YES - in a heartbeat.

She told me when I came home from work. I was that shocked at the time I went upstairs and DH walked in 5 minutes later and told nanny we needed to decide what we wanted to do and gently decided to just pack her bags and leave for her parents.

Boyfriend wasn’t there when I got back, assume he was outside getting ready for the weekend.

It is very much a sackable offence. Completely inappropriate and crossed the line.

But it depends on whether you and your family would be ok with letting her go. Six years is a long time which suggests that you all gel nicely, which isn’t actually easy to find in a nanny.

I would give her a final warning, so that her next breach and she’s out the door.

I think op you blurred the boundaries by letting him move in although I can see why you did it. I think the best next step here is probably to give him a weeks notice to move out and give her a written warning so she understands the seriousness of it all. I'd be clear with her that you care about her and you were trying to help her out with her bf but she's crossed a line and the boundaries you set in place multiple times. I'd be clear that if it happens again then you'll have to look for a new nanny but that you'd much prefer to keep her because you know how much the kids love her and are settled with her.

A DBS is cheap enough. I would have done one on him before letting him round my children.

Get that done asap if you decide not to terminate her contract.

On the news today was a case of a child minder who shook a baby to death in her care. She was fully vetted.

I wouldn’t rush into sacking her it would be something to give more consideration too.

Only your kids, you and your DH know her.

Sorry. I've been a nanny when young and I knew that this would never ever be acceptable. I'm very understand but I would sack her. My baby comes first

There's what you want to do but there's also the legal question here. After 6 years your nanny has employment rights, so you need to ensure you follow written disciplinary procedures, which are hopefully set out in the contract.

I'm not an employment lawyer but...Did you put it in writing when you told her he was not to be left in charge of the children? If so, you probably have stronger grounds for dismissal. If not, you could be on shaky ground in sacking her given you let him live in the grounds and the boundaries were blurred all round. Perhaps consider a final warning, put in writing what you expect and what the consequences will be if there are further transgressions? You need to make sure you cover yourselves as employers.

For t mean anything Just nothing on record

@YourMerryBrickRobin Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery

SHE is the person you've employed to look after your children, not her boyfriend.

If she had an issue about taking your youngest to pick up your DS, then she should just have spoken to you and okayed leaving your youngest with her boyfriend / or sorting out car seats .......... whatever was needed.

Because, ultimately, it's YOUR decision, not HER decision who looks after your children.

I think she's blurring the boundaries here ....... although she knows her boyfriend and trusts him, it doesn't mean that you have to trust him too.

If you're not happy, then have a word with her and tell her you're not happy with her doing that. If you don't do anything, she'll assume it's okay for her to do it in future.

It's best that everything is clear and open x

I wonder if she will start or has already started looking for a ' live out ' Nanny job.

i think I would be contacting the agency I got her from ( if it still exists and if you found her through an agency ? ) and start making enquiries as to finding a new Nanny.
as it won't be any harm in getting a few CV's / applications sent to your email address.