Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

Yes at the interview we discussed having mums and nannies over for play dates - coffee mornings - I did summer picnic parties and would hire a bouncy castle. And a Christmas party with fc

Tho in this case. Op said she didn't want him to stay in the house hence the caravan and garden

Her post doesn't say he wasn't allowed in the house

Unless they had the chat of bf not allowed in house ever - then one would assume he could come in for a while

Having other nanny's over with their charges is not the same as a boyfriend popping in and certainly not the same as leaving a child with them!

But she allowed bf to stay on their premises

I'm just saying it's not black and white

Unless op said I don't ever want bf in the house

But her post doesn't say that

Just that she didn't want bf to stay in the house

I'm defending the nanny as she told op what she did once she was back from work

Yes I don't know what she didn't walk baby in the buggy unless pouring

And obv quicker to take car if has a car seat in it for oldest child

That's good. That's how it should be. A nanny shouldn't just bring strangers in without there being a discussion at some point. And she definitely shouldn't be leaving them alone in the house or with the children. The OP's nanny showed a terrible lack of judgment which rightly could lose her her job.

It is indefensible as she left the child with the boyfriend. That is only okay if the parents had said it was. Which they clearly didn't.

No, she shouldn't need to say she doesn't want him in the house. The default position is that he's not to come in unless the OP says yes. It's not a grey area at all. Staying in a caravan in the garden is not permission to come into the home. It is just permission to stay in a caravan in the garden.

You don't have any boundaries. You have rules which are broken because you don't enforce them

Have I missed something ? How can the nanny have been with you 6 years and still only be 18.

It’s the nanny’s home as well, if you have a live in nanny it’s unreasonable to think they can never have friends or family over. My daughter was a nanny for 20 years and worked all over the world. Myself and her friends were always made very welcome when she lived in!

Yes you have missed something -

About a zillion posts saying the same thing, and a zillion people answering that it is the OP's SD that is 18 not the nanny

You just need to discuss this with her calmly. I can understand that she probably didn’t see the harm, but you need to give her some advice and boundaries.

Why did you have the car seat ?
Sack her, she is taking the piss.

I cannot believe how many are saying sack the nanny - wonder how many have had nannies. Having had four and only one (an unqualified younger frend who did it as a short term emergency when my My Mum was ill) was anything like good, then, if this one has been good for six years, it needs negotiation and thought. She will not appreciate her boyfriend is a threat - she will think he is safe. Yes, she has not done as asked, but how many of you do EXACTLY as asked 100% of the time. Do you want to end up with a much worse nanny if this one has been wonderful for 6 years?? As an example of something much worse, a childminder I used while I had some of mine at nursery and the eldest was at schhol didn't use a safety belt for mine as she changed cars and din't have enough. He was the oldest in the car apparently (at 4 or 5 - he had just started school).

As an example of something much worse, a childminder I used while I had some of mine at nursery and the eldest was at schhol didn't use a safety belt for mine as she changed cars and din't have enough [sic]

It is not a race to the bottom - but if it was I think, on balance, leaving a vulnerable baby in the "care" of a pretty much unknown man for any length of time (and this probably wasn't the first time - just the first time she was caught) wins that race.

So inclined people will take any opportunity even in one minute. One boundary violation blurs the next, hence why you stick to them religiously. Also, the so inclined will seek out those single mums who need help. Or nannies who allow access. It's called grooming.

Op said it was a long term relationship

So assuming together 2/3yrs so half the time been in the job

Exactly. So not a man coming in to groom at two minutes notice!

@TriciaA1991

Yes, she has not done as asked, but how many of you do EXACTLY as asked 100% of the time

When it comes to looking after someone else's kids I think most people, let alone a professional caregiver, would do just that.

Yeah, but one who's known she was a nanny all that time. They can play a very long game when getting at children is the objective. (Not saying he did, but it's not unknown.)

@YourMerryBrickRobin what did nanny do when she returned

Did you have the chat /written warning

Tho I said before sure have to have a verbal one first before written but guess what context says

And did you say bf can't come into the house

Or just that you didn't want him staying there which to me means sleeping

Hence the caravan

I don't think OP is coming back.

Shame really

I Like it when get update

Esp
When have replied a few times

Hopefully she's busy giving the boyfriend his marching orders.

If she really is a diamond then think twice about sacking BUT you need to have discussion with her about this. it could be fine, it could be a total disaster. but you need to have very clear agreement about when he has contact with your children and that he is not the nanny so he never does her job