Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

The step-daughter is 18.

I made that mistake too! The "she's just 18" refers to OP's stepdaughter.

It's absolutely insane that you allowed the boyfriend to move in.

You’re more generous than me OP. Lovely as she might be she has shown really poor judgement and more than once. It’s clearly gross misconduct/ wilful misconduct in leaving the child with a man where the parents had forbidden it while being aware, or should have been aware, of the risks that poses. What a disappointment though.

I can see why you would want to just carry on as things used to be, but after this, can you really be sure that he won’t come over another time when you’re not at home? I would find the trust and respect gone.

I do think your text is too ‘nice’ and far too tentative. I wouldn’t ask for a rough estimate of when he will get his things, I would say he must collect his things and would want to know precisely when they are coming. Time to be stern but fair not nice and accommodating.

We will have to disagree. 6 years holds no truck with me where it concerns safeguarding issues with an infant.

PS employees can turn on a dime especially where it comes to their personal lives like a boyfriend.

Ring doorbells front and back door and indoor home CCTV

Have you sent it yet? If not, please change “Me and Y” to “ Y and I” !

I think your decision is the right one. Whether or not the working relationship survives is another matter.

I would have first time I discovered he had been in the house against your rules.

It is all very well crying "just sack her", but this could embroil the OP in a potentially very expensive employment tribunal .
The BF lives in the same property and 2 you left her without the carseat, he usual means of transport

All seems a bit harsh.
It was 5 minutes.

I would not sack her.
Six years counts for something. Would you allow your elder daughter to bring a boyfriend home? How would you react to him staying ten minutes with your toddler?

You need to set boundaries about your nanny's guests.
That her guests are never to be left alone with your children.
That her guests, who stay over in the caravan, are not to enter the house unless you are there.

For future - ANY live in guest should also need a Working With Children card. In case of emergency, unexpected/out of anyone's control happenings or your child roaming. near caravan.
You could require the boyfriend to obtain a card if he is to stay any longer- and give him a date to be gone.

Would you allow your wonderful nanny to live in caravan until they find other accommodation?

I would not have let him move in because it was inevitable that this would happen. He doesn't have a DBS and you don't know him. She has broken your trust in a big way.

I would fire her immediately, get them both off your property and get counseling for you and your DH.

An unvetted homeless man is living in your property in a caravan, coming in and out of your house as he likes and now watching your 9 month old alone.

And here you are typing out cautiously worded text messages for MN to review. I am more worried about your capacity than the other adults involved.

Ffs and a child can be hurt, raped and killed in that time w

They hired a nanny to look after the children not the nanny’s random unchecked boyfriend

i would definitely get rid of her. My child is my prescious baby and the reason anyone would get a nanny if for the baby to be safe. Why would anyone let their child be left with an unsafe person?

I think a written warning for the nanny and 1 week's notice for the boyfriend to leave.

I would not give her a written warning and notice for boyfriend. She may come bitter and treat baby badly when you are not around.

I agree, it's a strangely written letter.

The massive blurring of boundaries was allowing an unknown man to move in to a caravan in the garden in the first place.

That's implying OP trusts him on some level.
No way on earth would most people allow a strange man to basically move in.

Very distracting for the Nanny to have him on the premises.

I feel the nanny must be very young, she probably will be looking to move on anyway, now.

Yes, this. I would fire her without question, and I wouldn't be particularly nice about it either.

She left your child in the care of an unknown person - that's an absolute no-no, completely unprofessional and shows a blatant disregard for your concerns.

She's behaved appallingly OP, of course you should fire her - why are you questioning yourself on this?

OP was very lax in allowing him to live on the premises.

WHY do that? Surely he has a parent or guardian he can move back in with?

I think I would, I’m sorry.

She crossed a clear and valid boundary, without good reason. It wasn’t an emergency. That would just trouble me.

I can imagine situations where you have known someone for years and really trust them, so even though you’ve been asked not to leave the child with them you might override that in an actual emergency. She could call you, and she could explain later that she had to make a rare exceptional call. This was nothing like that situation, and it wouldn’t surprise me if you updated that she hasn’t known him that long anyway.

Yes @setmestraightplease when it comes to safeguarding, it really doesn't matter how long she's previously worked. She left a child alone with a man who was not in the employ of OP and had not been DBS checked.

If your child was at nursery and the staff walked out and left all the children in the care of one of their partners, would that be OK?

This is the same thing.

I would. I can’t believe she let some guy look after your child without your permission.
nah, that would be far beyond the pale for me. That is irresponsible.

I read a recent court case of a very similar case where a child was left with a boyfriend while the carer popped out to a hair appointment. The child died after being shaken. Court said parents carefully chose the minder, didn’t know about the boyfriend and were not to blame. A DBS means very little except there has been no previous offences.
Provided your nanny agrees to your conditions I would continue to employ her. You know her well enough after 6 years, I presume, to know if you can trust her word.

Very much this. You need everything in writing from now on, she has rights of employment.