Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

Temporary for a few weeks should always be assumed to be much longer, even if by good fortune it is less.

This. Seems a knee jerk over reaction to me. A ‘we’re not comfortable with what happened, don’t let it happen again’ would suffice in my book.
We’re talking about 10 minutes, she may have genuinely forgotten she didn’t have a car seat and putting the baby in the buggy and walking would have made her late, rather than just running up the road. Your dh obviously didn’t remember to take the car seat back after dropping ds off. Would you have been happier for her to have been late for pick up?
Might be an idea to buy car seats that remain in the nanny’s car or at home rather than messing about swapping the only two you have around. What would happen if she needed to take both children out in the car due to an emergency and you have one of them in either of your cars? The nanny should have access to a car seat for both children at all times.

How old is this woman, OP? She must be in her mid twenties at least if she's been working for you for six years. How naive/immature must she be to let her boyfriend into the house while you're out, let alone leave him in charge of your baby? And not having a car seat when the nursery is five minutes walk away?

It was beyond stupid to let her boyfriend move in. I can't believe you were that foolish.

I am a longtime nanny employer and I would absolutely sack her. It is gross misconduct. But I would have followed the appropriate procedure as set out in her contract. You don't seem willing to able to manage this as the employment relationship it is.

Your text isn't great. I assume you've already sent it, though? The main fault in the text it that it doesn't spell out the seriousness of her offence, and doesn't give her the chance to defend herself. Some of this can be remedied.

WRITE to her, a proper letter, saying that you want a formal meeting with her to discuss what you understand has happened. State that if your understanding is correct, this constitutes gross misconduct. Since you have reasonable belief that this misconduct has occurred, you would be justified in sacking her on the soot, but you are holding a formal meeting with her to hear her side of the story.

If you HAVEN'T sent the text, say that you will make a decision about what to do next after the meeting. Don't indicate that you have come to a decision before formally meeting with her.

Tell her that she can bring someone with her to this meeting for support. Here I'm going to get a bit flaky, as I don't know how you stand legally on specifying that this can't be the BF. You could put the fear of God into her by saying 'this could be a legal representative or a parent, for example ' - that might discourage thoughts of the BF.

Have the meeting and take it from there. Send her minutes of the meeting with your final decision (and if you decide to sack her following the meeting, tell her she has the right to appeal in line with recommended ACAS codes of practice).

I think your text is fine. Written warning is firm enough and then you have evidence to sack her if she messes up again.

I agreed she crossed a line but she also seems to be valuable to you.

The obvious answer is to get the boyfriend DBS checked, and say no access to the house until it comes through.

Have a gentle chat about the fact that she may know and trust him, but you don't, and could she please follow your rules, or he has to go.

Don't overeact, and cut off your nose to spite your face!

I don't think I would sack her over this. But really it isn't ideal having him living more of less at your house. You either need to find s new nanny or if she stays he needs to move out. It's the only answer IMHO.

I wouldn’t sack her yet, but I would read the riot act. I did sack a nanny once (she was pregnant which made things more difficult), and the reasons for sacking her started with her unemployed (and illegal immigrant) husband spending time at the house when the nanny was supposed to be working. The sacking matter was when I came home unexpectedly early and found the DDs (aged 18 months and 3) sat in front of the telly while she and her husband were having fun in her bedroom. She didn’t hear me come in, and I was there for over an hour before she emerged from the love nest. I had said previously that he shouldn’t come to the house when she was working - again, having forgotten my laptop and popped home, to find him enjoying a slap up breakfast of our food in the kitchen. Give her this one chance. My nanny was given one chance and ignored it.

@Londonrach1: “DH and me” sometimes is correct: e.g. “Sarah gave the cake to DH and me”. Admittedly “DH and me” is wrong in the context in which the OP has used it. Turning back to your post, “a bit” is two separate words. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and all that.

But this isn’t pedants’ corner and mistakes in the OP’s email are the least of her worries. A PP makes the excellent point that an employment tribunal is likely to view this as a relationship of employment and want to see some kind of process followed before the nanny is just unceremoniously sacked. I am not an employment lawyer so don’t know what an immediately sackable offence is for this kind of job. It may well be that what the nanny did is such an offence - but it would be wise to know she’s on firm ground legally before she follows any advice just to sack the nanny. The blurring of the boundaries by letting the BF live in the caravan is a complete lapse in judgment. Had that not happened, it’d be less likely this situation would have arisen in the first place.

A good reliable nanny is hard to come by.

If she’s been with you a long time, the kids like her and she doesn’t go pulling sickies all the time, don’t get rid of her. If you did you never know how long it would be until you find another decent one.

have a chat with her and let her know you weren’t ok with the situation and move on.

In my experience, once people start pushing the boundaries like this, they never really turn it around. The balance has shifted, and they tend to just start getting arsey when you try and remind them that they are an employee and that ultimately you call the shots.

It's awkward, but I'd be looking for someone else.

Personally I would yes but I also wouldn't list a man live on my property when I have children

Are you in Australia? We don't have 'Working with Children' cards in the UK, hence references to DBS. There are different levels of DBS and with the exception of the basic one, you can only apply for them if you are the employer of someone whose role means they are eligible under the criteria. 'Boyfriend of nanny' or 'live in guest' would not be included.

This for me, I don’t think you’ll get the trust back. She left someone you barely know alone in your house with your child, I’d sack her I’m afraid.

Time to remove the boyfriend from the picture.

@Londonrach1: “DH and me” sometimes is correct: e.g. “Sarah gave the cake to DH and me”. Admittedly “DH and me” is wrong in the context in which the OP has used it. Turning back to your post, “a bit” is two separate words. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and all that.

That isn't the issue, it's that the text starts with "Me and Y have sat down ..." when it should be "Y and I". The trick is to take "and Y" out and see if the sentence still works. Given that this is something that could end up as an exhibit in an Employment Tribunal, it's quite important to get it right.

Your biggest mistake was letting him stay in the caravan. She is working when she is in your house. Would your employer let your boyfriend park up in the company's caravan in the company's car park and come into the office while only vulnerable people are there?

Did you actually tell her you didn’t want her boyfriend in contact with your children? (I know she should know this given her training, but it does seem your lines between personal and professional have been massively blurred).

How old are they?

I doubt she will be back to collect her written warning, I’d find another nanny!

He may well be and likely is innocent, but I wouldn’t care if he were male, female or whatever I couldn’t forgive her leaving my child with someone else. I’ll admit I’m paranoid and wouldn’t leave my child with a nanny either, so maybe my views are a bit extreme.

DO NOT DO THIS BY TEXT

You are an employer, act like one.

You call a meeting, you confirm the discussion in writing. That may or may not be a warning, gross misconduct, but you need this done officially.

FWIW she will be looking to live with him now and will no doubt leave.

She’s not a good reliable nanny if she leaves your child with her random boyfriend. The trust is gone. Take steps to remove her in line with employment law and find another nanny.

If it was a 5min walk, how does her not have a car seat make sense?

She's taking the piss.

Moves boyfriend in, lets him in house, leaves one of her charges with him.

What next?

How can you still trust her?

If she is excellent apart from this I would issue a final written warning and the boyfriend has to leave now!

If she is your employee, then I really hope you have not sent that text. You could end up in an employment tribunal if you don’t follow the basic principles of a disciplinary process. That text has already breached them.

To be honest I took it that she wasn't paying any attention to the child, realised she was so late and had to drive there because she was too late to walk. That's why she left the child at home.