Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

You left the door wide open to problems as soon as you said he could stay.

It's not the nanny who's 18, it's the stepdaughter. I made that mistake on first reading, too! I don't think OP has stated the nanny's age.

I think those saying “it was only 5 minutes” are missing something blindingly obvious. OP said he was not to go in the house during working hours. She is now aware of 2 occasions where he has done just that, and on one of those occasions, was left in sole charge of one of the children.

Does anyone really and truly believe he’s dutifully stayed in the caravan for the whole of the rest of the time?

I agree with whoever it was further up that said it sounds like they’ve been playing house with your children. Doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve done them any harm, but does ring alarm bells about how many times this may have happened that you don’t know about.

That being said, you can only act on what you can prove, and you know for a fact that she left your baby in the care of someone else while she went out. If this was a nursery and someone left their boyfriend to look after a baby, it wouldn’t matter if she’d worked there for 20 minutes or 20 years - she’d be gone. A childminder who nips out and leaves her boyfriend to watch the kids? You’d never take your children back there.

I agree with those who’ve said you need to cover your back from a legal perspective, but I’d be looking at how you can legally go about terminating her contract, because that trust is well and truly broken.

It was her only job & she didn’t do it.

What a stupid assumption to make. You really believe this?

Ah yeh thanks. Iv just woken up & misread 🤣

A few of us did! :)

This is very naive.

I understand why you're annoyed.
I'd tell her she's crossed the line and then id either see how she and thr bf get on for a few month and then decide but long term the bf would have to go

I think it depends on what you want to happen going forward, do you want to keep her? If so then I think you need to consider that she wants to live with her boyfriend so start thinking whether she is a live out nanny for you or could you accommodate him too. 6 years is a long time for live in. It's not right she left the baby but you need to decide what you feel

Op I have had nannies too. This is a HUGE no. She left a stranger with your baby, because that is who he is to your baby. That's not an error in judgement, that's gross negligence. And people need to realise that even though if its 6 years, a nanny would leave you in a heartbeat for a better offer so I would not feel bound with loyalty.

What would she have done if the bf wasn't there??

You can't trust her. When BF gets his own place, how do you know she won't take the children there?

This is gross misconduct and a failure of safeguarding.

You set clear boundaries and she has breached them and broken your trust.

To be honest, I'd be livid. The trust is now gone. How will you ever be sure she isn't leaving your child/ren with a stranger in your home, park etc.
I'd fire her to be honest but I am distrustful and precious about who looks after my kids and I'd never allow a male due to my own CSA.

I don’t understand why she is ever driving somewhere that you say is 5 mins walk away to be honest.
A DBS check just means he’s never been caught, not a chance I’d have let him anywhere near my house. I might have asked nanny if she wanted to change to a live out contract and she can move in with him locally?
Shes shown a massive lack of sense here which would worry me. Why is he even hanging about at that time - does he also not work?

Agreed, her actions are unacceptable and she has no justification.
It’s difficult with domestic staff because there is a blurring of lines, but ultimately she is a CONTRACTED employee. You need to follow the same disciplinary process you would in a regular organisation.
If you bring her into an “investigation” meeting I think the outcome will depend very much on her response. Is she remorseful? Does she understand why her actions were wrong? Or does she get defensive and dismissive of the accusations you’ve made or try to lie/minimise? This will tell you a lot about whether the trust has completely gone, or whether a final written warning is hopefully sufficient for it to not happen again.
The bf has definitely got to go though. As I said earlier, she IS an employee regardless of the friendship you will have made and the bond she’s formed with the children, and she’s paid to do a job. It’s not appropriate for the bf to be around whilst she is at work. I don’t take my husband into the office with me while I work and wouldn’t expect my employer to be okay with it.
A good nanny is like gold dust right now, but ultimately the welfare of your vulnerable children is the priority. There’s no point having a nanny who you can’t trust as the children would be better in a nursery or with a childminder if this is the case as it probably undermines a lot of the reasons you chose to employ a nanny rather than use other childcare settings.

I think I would give her a written warning only because she didn't have the car seat so it was partly your fault though I totally agree she shouldn't have done it.

This

I can't believe the posters saying 'sack the nanny'. She's a good nanny who has worked for you for 6 years and who your children love. Boyfriend is a 'long term partner'. Offering him a place to stay was nice but expecting him not to enter your house was unrealistic. It is a sellers market for nannies. If you issue her with a written warning she will probably leave. Surely a grown up conversation re you not wanting children left with other people is te way to go. Might not be enough though and the relationship between yu and your nanny may be irretrievably damaged.

Exactly. Paedophiles are adept at targeting access to their prey. They do it via churches, jobs, dating single parents to name a few. Dating a nanny then slowly moving the goalposts till he's got free access to the child would be a holy grail tbh.

Your relationship with her is over and she needs to go.

I would give her a formal warning and ask him to leave on a certain date. Set a boundary that he doesn’t come into your home. She was absolutely wrong to do it but I think a very firm and once only warning might be enough. Anything after this and sack her but you say she’s really
good so maybe a strict warning is needed this time

I agree sadly it all seems a bit engineered - dating a nanny, suddenly becoming homeless , being a nice guy , it seems off

Yes I would. This is a significant safeguarding concern and she went directly against your wishes, although I wonder if your kindness with him blurred the boundaries for her.

I know you have decided to keep her, but personally I think the relationship is forever tarnished. She knew you were not comfortable with having him in the house - and yet she went as far as leaving your small child with him. If your child had of choked - would he have known how to save her?

I think sometimes there can be misunderstandings ie if the employer wasn't perhaps expressly clear in something you can give someone the benefit of the doubt.

But your nanny was employed to look after your child - she has enough experience to know that does not meant leaving your child with someone else. She has shown a serious error of judgement - that is more the issue than the mistake itself.

Totally agree with this. I think she’ll leave after getting that text.