Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

This would be me.

What she did was gross misconduct on all levels, and a straight sackable offence.

I'm a single parent who employs a Nanny, so I can imagine you are hesitant due to the challenges of securing a new Nanny who "fits" with the children. You will find someone to do the job.

This nanny, however, needs to go.

I think this young lady is extremely lucky to have kept her job

I can see that you have decided to issue her a written warning and keep her on whilst he goes but as someone who was abused as a child by my childminder's husband, please please reconsider this. It's just not worth the risk. For years after my mum denied anything could have happened because she was adamant that the childminder's husband wasn't ever around and didn't come to our house. He did. The childminder would bring him round when my parents weren't around and had no idea.

In my case my childminder knew what he was doing, however your nanny may not be messed up like that, but the issue is that she thinks her boyfriend is a safe person, safe enough to leave your baby with. That doesn't mean he is a safe person. He is not someone you know and you don't know if your child is safe around him and yet she has already left your child alone with him and brought him into your home. I couldn't trust her.

A really good nanny is hard to find and things have been good for 6 years. I would give your nanny a written warning but I would give the boyfriend a week to move out or she might just walk out with him.
She made a serious error in judgement but she did tell you about it.

It feels very much like the boundaries have been blurred and you just need to reassert them.

take it as an opportunity to re evaluate the contract, go through wording and make sure that it’s understood that she is sole carer and under no circumstances (except a dire emergency) are the children to be left in the care of someone else.

she has made a poor decision in this instance and as her employer you need to make this clear. If this is the first time her judgement has been wrong I would not sack her this time, but I would make it clear that the only reason you are being lenient is because of her usual exemplary practice.

Written warning should be enough, she will then either see the error of her ways and step up practice or she will start looking elsewhere.

Formal warning 💯. At least she dod tell you about it. I would be more annoyed if I found out from someone else.

good nanny's are so hard to find so I wouldn't necessarily sack her. Definitely agree with asking her boyfriend to leave Sunday though.

make it clear this is her last chance though.

OP, presumably your nanny is your employee? If so then with six years service you can’t just sack her or issue a warning without going through some attempt at a process. I appreciate that you don’t have the size and resources to do a full scale disciplinary, but you do need to do the basics.

Leaving the baby with her boyfriend could be gross misconduct. But realistically if it was for 5 minutes, and this is a guy that you’ve invited to live with you and allow into your home, I could see an ET having some sympathy for her and if you don’t follow a procedure, she could end up claiming notice pay, the equivalent of statutory redundancy pay as a basic award, loss of earnings and potentially some housing expenses if they’re intrinsically linked…

and even if she didn’t win it would be a huge headache!

Just try and protect yourself by following a procedure as best you can. Maybe call ACAS, and read the Code of Practice as a starting point.

A db's check does not say a person is safe around kids it just says a person has not come to attention of police and that does not guarantee a child's safety it could be the person is a sexual predator who has just not been reported to police yet for what ever reason or the person could be safe so this does not offer the safety net or the guarantee you are seeking and should not be taken as a gospel truth that a man or a women is safe because they can pass one of these we all know plenty of people who pass a driver test n get a licence when they plainly should not be aloud on the roads

I think this warrants an immediate termination. Leaving your child in the care of someone you have not nominated as a carer is despicable - even for 5 mins. She is not trustworthy. She has already crossed a boundary and you gave her a second chance. She is not the diamond you think she is.

I am sorry to be so alarmist but as the survivor of csa I would urge parents to not trust anyone when it comes to the welfare of their kids.

I would be very concerned that she's obviously been having her BF in your home during working hours against your instructions, she has broken trust. The fact she left your baby in his sole care is awful. I think that's gross misconduct, so grounds for instant dismissal, I don't think you're on shaky ground employment wise there. I'd tell the boyfriend he has to leave now. You owe him nothing, he can stay with another friend, or get a B&B, whatever he does, it isn't your problem. I absolutely would not be waiting for him to find somewhere to rent. Then if you want the nanny to stay on, give her a written formal warning. I'd also get some kind of external CCTV if you don't have it already, like a Ring doorbell, so you can see if he is actually visiting the house when you're not there. If he does, I'd dismiss her, you can't trust her.

This. You are very much within your rights to dismiss her for this. Whether you do or not depends on the upheaval for you and the kids of doing so, her remorse, etc. She needs to understand this was completely unacceptable either way.

Mmm, I agree with those that say you have blurred the boundaries by allowing the boyfriend to stay. That was the big mistake. You were trying to be helpful but, realistically, I think you could have foreseen the likelihood for the boyfriend ending up in the house.
Also, looking at it from your children's point of view, they would likely be devastated to lose her, especially the older one.
Your warning letter is very sanctimonious when, in a large proportion, you've only got yourself to blame. If you send her that she will definitely move on asap anyway.

Meant to add that you took the car seat that she needed as well. I imagine if the baby was settled asleep, it's easy to see why she would have just popped out alone to collect other child.

Not in a text

I can't get past the fact that you allowed her homeless boyfriend to live in a caravan in your garden and thought he would stay there 24/7 when you were out.

How old? Does he work? How long have they been together? What do you really know of him and her? Why couldn't the bf have gone to stay with his or her parents? Red flags with the latter re instability but that is something you should have asked.

TBH the relationship is now fractured. You have lost trust in her, she will be pissed off that you don't trust her bf. You can't formally warn a nanny and ever expect things to go back as they were.

Months notice, two months pay, amicably as possible part company.

I've met a few paedophiles through work over the years, they all bar one seemed like really nice blokes. There's a reason for that, it's how they get close to parents which allows them access to children. You were crazy to let him into your home.

A DBS check shows someone has not been caught doing any wrongdoing and is no guarantee of anything other than that. I would fire the nanny tbh. It doesn't matter how good she is at the rest of her tasks, she majorly failed to safeguard and that's her number one job. They'd both be gone by Monday in my house, it would be a gross misconduct dismissal.

@Xyz1234567 a written warning may well be sanctimonious, but it's necessary to follow due process. If they don't decide to dismiss now, they really need to give the written warning incase the nanny then does something else, and they then want to dismiss her. That something maybe not as significant as leaving the baby, maybe it's just having the bf in the house again, but they'd need to have given the warning in order to dismiss her then. Yes she may get spooked when she does receive it and quit, but they don't really have a choice.

I think youve handled this poorly.

Personally I'd have let her go. I can guarantee if she thought it was okay to do ask her employers to house her boyfriend and lewve a small baby with him she is making numerous other bad calls you arent aware of.

If you were going to keep her with a warning you should have done it face to face with a written follow up not as you have done.

Whats done is done... the relationship is blown up anyway at this point. Trust is gone on both sides. She clearly thought what she was doing was fine (how?!?!) And prob has her nose out of joint about you overreacting

Its only a matter of time before she resigns so I'd start looking for new childcare. You'd be foolish to do anything else at this point

The letter isn't very good I'm afraid op. You don't say me and I. I'm dyslexic so found it strange to read as it's waffles Abit.

She left a baby in a care of a man who lives in your caravan who you asked doesn't enter your house. That's a total no from me and I'll let the nanny go as id have lost trust in her. However understand why you given her a second chance after 6 years. I'd start looking for another nanny anyway. Good luck

I agree. I think the lines are blurred here. If she had left your DC in the care if a random boyfriend that you'd never met that would be pretty much a sackable offence.
But given this bf lives in your garden and has actually been around your kids, that probably seemed a lot less of an issue to her.

Side note, you need to mug up on employment law. You are her employer and in order to sack her you'll need to follow due process.

I wouldn't sack her, but her boyfriend has to go.

I am a soft touch and so forgiving but if this happened to me she’d be sacked. When it comes to my kids there’s no messing. I wouldn’t allow my babysitter (who I trust as worked with for years) bring her boyfriend to babysit as I didn’t know him. I’d be pissed off too.

I probably wouldn’t sack her but I’d give a verbal warning that if it happened again you’d have to let her go. Totally unprofessional and unacceptable and you’re being very good letting him life in the caravan on your grounds, I wouldn’t have agreed to that

I’d kick him out it’s crossed a boundary him staying there anyway. I wonder if he’s pestered her that and it is a controlling relationship?
I wouldn’t sack her but maybe a warning. And definitely get him out.

Aside the point I realise but 18 is so extremely young- I know nothing about nannies-but she is only just not a child herself are Nannie’s usually this age? She can’t have much childcare experience ?

I wouldn't sack her.l if your happy with everything else.

But I would make it clear you don't want it happening again.

Is he hanging around all day while she's working? I would feel comfortable with that.