Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

Typos!

@TheLadyOfTheFlowers Would I sack a nanny over my vulnerable baby being left in the care of a little known man, with no references obviously and no DBS check, someone I have not employed to look after my child, while I am paying her to take care of my baby??

YES - in a heartbeat.

A bit over-dramatic or what! 😂

But at the same time she is amazing, the children adore her

She's amazing, and she's been with you for six years. Are you confident that her replacement would be as good, and not disappear within a year? Are you confident that you'll find someone who gels as well with your kids and your household? I wouldn't be.

And as has been pointed out, sacking her isn't a legally straightforward and simple process either.

I'd be giving her the strongest of verbal and written warnings, and boyfriend would be on his bike. Make it clear that this is absolutely a sacking offence, but that you're prepared to give her one last chance, based on her work over the last six years.

I'd also point out how disappointed you are, as you did such a massive favour for her and boyfriend, which vanishingly few employers would do. She massively let you down.

She left him in your house, essentially alone, when he's not meant to be there. And left your baby.
It's really not good.

I would have sacked her when she first let him in the house.

She'll be looking for another job now whatever you decide so you'll need to start looking for a new nanny.

Sorry she has abused your trust and good will. And she has pushed boundaries on the living arrangements, but ultimately it’s the leaving the baby with him that is unredeemable.

You are comparing a nanny who has been good for 6 years with a 2 week set of problems vs the great unknown. If you would definitely get a good nanny again, I would fire her immediately, but a good nanny is hard to find.

I would consider sitting down and resetting. Go over the rule book and discuss spots that need clarification from any party. If you don’t have a written rule book, it may be time to make one.

the boyfriend needs to leave immediately.

I am shocked at the responses saying not to sack her. She left him in your house with your child. What the hell was she thinking? This isn’t her and bf playing house with your kids, this is her job & he is not part of it. He shouldn’t have been put in charge of the baby and he should not have been in the house, especially alone.

If that’s the decision she decided to make I couldn’t fully trust her going forward.

I have spoken with DH. We have agreed to give her another chance, but her boyfriend isn’t to come back full stop

I have composed a text:

Hi X

Me and Y have sat down this evening and discussed the events of today. While we have been upset by your actions- ultimately, we do value the work you do and trust you have made an error in judgement. We will issue you with a formal written warning on your return.

We both agree Z needs to leave, effective immediately. We are happy for him to return with you on Sunday morning to collect his belongings. Could you give us a rough estimate of when you will be coming back and we will be happy to give him an hour or two in order to do so.

Regards

Fair???

Personally if you trust her as a nanny i think you can trust her judgement that he wouldn't harm them?

But maybe you need to gently assert boundaries

@YourMerryBrickRobin does she understand why what she did was wrong and why exactly you are upset? Will you include that in the formal warning?

I would be lying if I said this hadn’t crossed my mind. But she should know she could have a conversation with us and we would make it work on a live out basis.

home CCTV?

At least a written warning is necessary. Sounds like she has become too relaxed and doesn't really care anymore. She was a diamond once but not now.

This.

I wouldn't leave my baby with him even if he had a DBS check. I employed the nanny, not some random bloke with a DBS check. I would not leave my baby with a random bloke even for 5 minutes and would be appalled that choice was taken away from me.

She would be out looking for another job, is my guess. So best to put Plan B in place and start looking for other nannies. Not sure how long this nanny has had this boyfriend but my guess is she will prioritise him over her job. She has already done so.

She sounds more like a friend than a nanny, it would be a no boyfriend on site at all while she is working.

the other thing you will need to consider over the weekend / next few weeks is,
if she does leave or if you do dismiss her - a reference.

I understand that ' bad ' references can't be given ?
and after 6 years she doesn't deserve no reference
but
I feel you would need to mention her error of judgement in any reference...

@YourMerryBrickRobin
I have composed a text:

Hi X

Me and Y have sat down this evening and discussed the events of today. While we have been upset by your actions- ultimately, we do value the work you do and trust you have made an error in judgement. We will issue you with a formal written warning on your return.

We both agree Z needs to leave, effective immediately. We are happy for him to return with you on Sunday morning to collect his belongings. Could you give us a rough estimate of when you will be coming back and we will be happy to give him an hour or two in order to do so.

Regards

You've had this nanny for 6 years, presumably with a good working relationship during that time with no previous issues?

Why send such a formal warning under the circumstances?

It's understandable if it's a 2nd/3rd formal warning of an 'error in judgement' - but not if this is the first time you have aired your concerns ....?

OP is going by the employment law book to lay the ground work if OP needs to dismiss her. First formal warning. If she does it again, second formal warning.

I think it’s beyond a warning.

But she should know she could have a conversation with us and we would make it work on a live out basis.

By the same token, you should know that you can have a conversation with her about her boyfriend looking after your DC ........

She has been with you for 6 years - do you honestly feel that you can't approach her with your concerns ?

And a lot depends on what your relationship with her has been - whether it's always been very formal, or whether she's been made to feel like 'one of the family'

Because, in the end, it has a bearing on the situation

Nanny has been with us for 6 years

she is just 18 and I wouldn’t think at that age

Er, sorry, what?? Has she been your nanny/babysitter since she was 12?

@blueshoes OP is going by the employment law book to lay the ground work if OP needs to dismiss her. First formal warning. If she does it again, second formal warning.

Is she?
That's not what it sounds like she's doing .........

She's being given a lot of very emotive advice here and it sounds like she's being swayed by all the 'sack her' posters, instead of thinking about the actual situation she's in with a nanny who's worked for 6 years with no previous complaints.

The logical thing to do would be to discuss with the nanny that she's not happy with her DC being left with the boyfriend .........