Women with rich husbands looking down noses at others

[Ifyouholdonforonemoreday]

It bugs me!

I live in a v wealthy area, lots of mum friends of mine don’t work, lovely people, husbands earn enough, fantastic situation I’d do the same (I work part time) but many other women who don’t work, days spent lunching, playing padel, getting nails done, yoga and so on…but just really up their own bums, very snooty and looking down at others. Have to admit it annoys me, it’s not their money, they didn’t earn it, why act like that? They could lose it all tomorrow, anyones circumstances could change..just eurgh

There was a thread the other day about a SAHP who didn’t want to go back to work when DC went to school full time. Even though the family could afford for the SAHP to not work, it was decided they were an unemployed financial abuser who was taking liberties and sponging off the OP.

The SAHP was a man in case anyone hadn’t guessed.

No worries!

if it makes you feel any better I know plenty of women (and men) who don't have rich partners and are extremely snooty

i also know some ridiculously wealthy people who are extremely humble and lead deceptively simple lives.

Excellent, another SAHM bashing post!

There’s always an assumption on here that SAHMs are missing out on being high powered career women if they weren’t so weak, boring and pathetic, relying on their husband. If your career is where you find your purpose then that’s amazing, but it’s not the case for everyone. Some of us would still be in the same ‘average’ jobs we left, which we could easily pick up again if needs be.

I was working in a very low paid job prior to having my children, it wasn’t fulfilling in the slightest, I’m much happier being out of work with my kids.

My mother worked her fingers to the bone until she died young of cancer and she barely had a pot to piss in. I’m sure if I could ask her now she’d say she wish she was able to spend more time with us as kids, rather than working wiping old people’s arses. She’d also say from experience that it’s not just high earning men who can be financially controlling!

I like being a SAHM. My husband & I are both lucky to have each other. If people don’t like that then that’s sad.

I find it is the opposite and the working mums are given more respect. I have had lots of discussions with friends who are frustrated because they want to return to a career but still want to see their children on week days. Unlike the stereotype most of the SAHM mums with high earning husbands, that I know, had very successful careers (unsurprising as that’s how they met their husbands with successful careers) but the hours involved were totally incompatible with seeing their children so they chose to be the parent that gave up work. Many are planning how to return to work in new more child friendly careers. I haven’t really come across anyone looking down their nose.

I struggle with y people are fussed with what other people are doing or how they are doing it. Who cares??! If someone has been a dick to you, vent for a short time, create distance and continue to live your life.

Life is short. I refuse to create space for giving a crap about this in my brain/mind space.

Well, you should remind them thst the cleaners and the shop staff and waiters etc. actually earn more than they do.

And the bullshit that wives support the husband's career by looking after the house and children is rubbish. If the wife suddenly died or left a man would simply hire a nanny and/or a housekeeper. They wouldn't suddenly quit their job and claim benefits. It wouldn't affect their career.

Ha this describes a family friend of my parents down to a tee. She has never worked a day in her life just spends time at a country golf club with her similar friends and looks down at everyone else like something stuck to the bottom of her shoe. Everything she says seems to have a putdown and she likes to roll her eyes and makes faces when she repeatedly purposely goes out her way to ask about things you are not comfortable with in front of other people. It's a shame her daughter split from her husband because he cheated with a policewoman recently...

@blueshoes of course it's true. Why do you find it impossible to believe? Dont you know people with money with similar happy relationships like mine? Do you really find it so incredulous? That just amazes me. I don't feel it's that remarkable. And no caffeine doesn't make ions exaggerate. But it was keeping me up and engaging on MN in a manner you seemed to think I was too engaged in here and was therefore protesting too much. Seriously? You find my situation SO unbelievable? Why? I guess it depends on the circles you move in but I know dozens of wealthy people in long marriages. Are they happy? They seem to be. Yes it could all be a ruse. Or, they could be genuinely extremely happy. It astounds me that this possibility is unbelievable in your mind. You really can conceive it's possible can you

👏👏👏

Spot on.

@blueshoes @Hellodarknessmyfriend
You will both agree that many things cause unhappiness in relationships. One of these things is financial struggle. Another is a feeling of being taken for granted. Another is sheer exhaustion.

We don't have that. My dh now earns way less than he used to. He loved his lucrative career and then, when he didn't, I encouraged him to stop. We have enough. He now spends his time working with organisations that support young people from minorities to help them get access to city jobs that have been dominated by certain demographics. He also works with an academic on climate change. He does what he excels at which is raising money for these types of things. He also sits on some boards and is chairman of a couple and earns enough to cover the bills but our lifestyle is sustained by the assets and finances we have

Why are assets in my name. Mostly to split the tax burden. Nothing dodgy. Just standard financial planning. Christ, he even goes through the 'declare' queue if he spends over the amount you are allowed to bring back into the country when he's bought something abroad! He is now self employed and never puts anything 'on the business' unless it 100% is. Not even a meal out which I think many SE people do. He refused to pay 'cash' and we always pay the full amount including VAT when offered to not. He's just one of life's good ones.

If it makes you feel better he's not 6'2", he's 5'9" and balding

I worked abroad for a few years and a lot of my expat male colleagues had wives who didn’t work. They mostly seemed bored out of their brains. They have all since returned to their home countries where the wives now work.

I have some female friends from uni who have married wealth and have never worked. They seem happy enough, busying themselves with household management and child rearing.

I’ve always worked, and I enjoy it. I don’t envy any of these women’s lives as I’m satisfied with my own lot. I think as long as they’re happy, good for them. I’ve never experienced anyone looking down on me for having to work to pay my bills.

I agree but some of those women just never had any money. They think being snobbish enhance their status. They also keep clear of anyone that can’t help them to climb the social ladder. A lot of gossip goes on and if someone is targeted unfairly by the Queen bee the others followed so is very hard for the victim.

I think it just brings out the worst in them, that was already lurking beneath, in a quite obvious way. It's great really - don't need to mess about getting to know someone only to find that they are like this, but cover it, after a couple of years.

I haven't noticed with the really wealthy people I've met/know a bit - Just the type who make assumptions of perceived superiority (possibly because I simply know more of them).

I have met people who have looked down their nose at me, in quite an obvious way e.g. at a mother and baby group I said I could only come every other week due to working part-time to one woman and she pipes up 'I don't need to work because my husband has a good job', and then made it fairly obvious that she hadn't much time for me. The irony, of course...but anyway, she showed me exactly who she was straight away and saves us both wasting any time.

You may wish to invest in one of these.......
FFS

Wow, the envy and bitterness.

Jolly Green Giant sized envy

Some people of any demographic are arseholes!

If you have ire for this lifestyle, don't reserve it for the women. Presumably the husbands are on board with it too. We hear enough about how they could dump their wives at any moment - rich men aren't usually short of options - so one has to conclude that as long as they're living it, it suits them too.

I do think there's a problem of wage stagnation and wealth inequality in our country and the world, but it's more complex than "some rich wives are horrible in a way I haven't really explained".

My life is not remotely “empty”. I have a cracking time and am glad I no longer work. Neither am I a snob, I think the judgement does go two ways.

PS I get my hair done yearly if at all.

They've nothing to be snooty about - they aren't contributing

What amazes and saddens me more than anything here is that after decades of women struggling to be seen as contributing to the family unit through bringing up children and taking on the lions share of the domestic load, we now have other women^ denigrating them. Telling them that their contribution is nothing. That the money their dh earn is not their money and that the only^ contribution to a family unit is the financial one.

How did we get here? How did we get to the place where women are now seeing financial contribution as the only valid and valuable contribution? We are back to the situation where the main earner is more important. Where there is only one earner the other one is either a glorified prostitute or cock lodger. Therefore if there are two earners the bigger one has more votes. Where domestic load is of no value.

Jesus weeps.

If they are married half of the money the husbands earns is theirs.
If the are snotty morons, they are snotty morons regardless of wealth. There is plenty on those in minimum wage as well.
You are far over invested in this, just ignore them.

Spot on @wizzywig couldn’t let this bother me Op.

Some posters are very committed to their own wishful thinking that anyone in a financially advantageous position is secretly miserable. Imagining someone else is unhappy in order to improve your own mood has always struck me as a weird pick-me-up tbh, and doesn’t exactly scream ‘I’m so much happier than them’.

Some of these women may be independently wealthy in their own right, btw. I work as and when I want to, so I’m sure there are onlookers that believe me to be living off ‘my husband’s money’ - I’m not.

It’s possible that they are ‘snooty’, it’s also possible that you’re projecting your own preconceived notions onto them. It’s also possible that they’re picking up on your obvious disdain for them.

You obviously haven’t had the need for private healthcare.
The irony of verbally looking down your nose is obviously lost on you.

Exactly this. When people are truly happy with their lives they don't feel the need to denigrate others. I have no issue with those who work. I have no interest in coming up with reasons to criticise them. I don't find insulting names to call them. I think 'good for you' it's fantastic when people find a balance that truly fulfils them.

When I see posters determined to insult and drag down others who have a different set up I have to question why they are so full of anger and bitterness. Why they have to declare it is all fabrications. Why they insist the poster is secretly miserable or deluded or akin to an escort or naive to think any of her apparently equally happy friends are actually happy and that the men are 100% abusive or having affairs or going to run off and abandon them or all manner of other negative things.

If people are genuinely happy in their lives they don't do this. I don't do this. I don't have any need to create scenarios where posters who work are somehow wrong. There is no right and wrong. There is just what works and what doesn't work.
I'm too long in the tooth to be upset by people who throw out bile in an attempt to undermine me or others.

It's obvious when you see the level of resentment and determination to push a negative rhetoric that the issue is within them. Some anger or bitterness. Or a feeling that it's not fair. That they are 'doing everything right' and so they should be 'winning'. And it's not fair that someone who is not doing what they are doing seem happy and have no financial difficulties. And it's not fair. But this indicates something unhappy in them. Not in my or others in my situation.

I am fairly introverted. I have a small number of very close friends. All of whom I admire and respect enormously. I am proud of all of them. They all have very different set ups. The common thing is that they are all really happy with the lives they have carved out. There is the friend whose husband has made billions. Literally billions. Is a high profile internationally renown individual. She does not work in the sense that she does not earn but she runs a foundation that educates children from the most disadvantaged groups in society ( not in the UK). She has set up a masters program in conjunction with Oxford university and together they are working to improve the currently corrupt government systems in their home country.
There is the friend whose husband decided he no longer wanted to work but wanted to dedicate its tine to environmental causes. She supports him fully and is the breadwinner. They paid off their mortgage years ago and she loves her work so is happy for him to pursue his passions.
The friend who works in the film industry so travels away for months at a time. His wife doesn't work for this reason but spends time when she can helping with the dc at her local school who struggle with NDs

Good people who have all found the set up that works for them and who have no need to bring anyone else down. And who are equally happy with me and my set up and the interests and endeavours I involve myself in. they don't resent me just as I don't resent them. Because we are happy.