Women with rich husbands looking down noses at others

[Ifyouholdonforonemoreday]

It bugs me!

I live in a v wealthy area, lots of mum friends of mine don’t work, lovely people, husbands earn enough, fantastic situation I’d do the same (I work part time) but many other women who don’t work, days spent lunching, playing padel, getting nails done, yoga and so on…but just really up their own bums, very snooty and looking down at others. Have to admit it annoys me, it’s not their money, they didn’t earn it, why act like that? They could lose it all tomorrow, anyones circumstances could change..just eurgh

@doeeyedstan You haven't worked for 30 years!!!! How old are you kids now?!

Because he would be just as much of a twat, money or not.

Crikey, what a fuss of a thread. The OP said clearly that she has friends with money and don't work and are lovely, while also knowing some others (via lovely friends) who are snooty eg. Overheard comments etc. Is that so hard to believe? You'll find arseholes in all walks of life. OP, ignore and carry on as you are.

Also, I don't understand the significance of whose name assets are in. If you're married they all go into the pot to be split, regardless of whose name is on the paperwork.

@wintersgold Not at all. Money added to his ability to abuse.

@mewkins Why do think a wealthy man puts all of his assets in his non-working wife's name? And what happens upon divorce in this case?

@doeeyedstan @NonPlayerCharacter

No. Those who have grown up with wealth and are used to being rich don't see it as anything soecial and they don't feel superior to other people, and don't have a chip on their shoukder or anything to prove

Tax efficiencies. All assets are declared (Form E) and negotiations take place re. how they're split. It doesn't matter whose name they're in.

Ah, I see. Thanks for clearing that up.

Envy is one of the 7 deadly sins. It is deadly to those who envy, but doesn't affect the envied. It is utterly pointless. I began with nothing and decided to get something. I made millions but never felt special. I lost the lot but don't bemoan it. Focus on improving your lot and don't waste emotion on comparisons.

@Ifyouholdonforonemoreday

I feel you. In our area we are doing ok -

However I don't keep up with the Lycra wearing fancy mums. I'm always in joggers and t shirt. Mostly looking like I can't afford nice clothes -

Keeps the snooty lot away - that are just acting that way, the more snooty I find the more "wannabe" they are. Everything on finance / mortgages etc

Especially mums at the park, they look down on me.

They have no idea I'm disappearing through the woods back to my million pound house that we own outright.. 😂

What makes you think that? Why do think your life is better than theirs?

And only rich people do this?

Contributions to a family don't have to be financial. People should (ideally) do the thing they are best at and enjoy the most. I don't think that the very rich men we are talking about here, are feeling a financial burden if their wives don't work. So anything she did earn wouldn't make a material difference.
A pp said that in the absence of the wife, the man would just hire a nanny and housekeeper. This shows complete ignorance of parenting and how important having a present mum or dad is to children's wellbeing.
Raising kids well, isn't just making sure they are fed and clothed and getting them to school on time - however good a nanny might be, they cannot replicate the love and emotional investment that a parent puts into their children.
Now you don't have to be a sahp to provide this, but you do have to be a present parent. You can't be constantly away with work or largely focussed elsewhere and still do a decent job of parenting. I suspect that's what the wives of seriously rich men are providing for their families - the presence of a parent.
Or the h is able to keep his business ticking over without working all hours under the sun and as a family they have loads of time to holiday and just enjoy their lives together, without having to schedule it around the wife's job too. That sounds nice to me.

But I think it's very damaging to reduce sahp contribution to the family as equivalent to a nanny or housekeeper because it takes no account of the value of relationships.

@mewkins You mean tax dodging? And even the "wisest" of rich men know how to hide assets.

Dodging maybe but a clever use of tax allowances. Makes sense to put assets in the name of a non earner and use their tax allowance.

30 down to 18. Why?

You speak as if all people born into wealth are a homogenous group and all people who have earned their wealth are another entirely different homogenous group. I think with even the smallest bit of critical thinking you will realise this makes no sense There are aristocratic arseholes who are totally entitled, not very bright and out of touch and there are intelligent, educated aristocrats who care fervently for the environment, and social justice. Similarly there are self made people who are completely up their arse and who made it big by stamping on everyone on the way up. And then others who have made it due to brilliance, hard work and sacrifice and are generous, pay well, support others.
Why would you think anything else?

Why? Why will they have to lie back and think of Capri?

Private dentistry is very lucrative. I enjoy six day weekends working 7 hrs a week. I am an old lady now so have slowed down a little. I also sold the business a few years back so have investments that allow us a very comfortable life style. In addition I was at the very end of the boomer generation so have a tiny mortgage. I was from the first generation of career women and damn proud. We seem to have gone full circle with young girls leaving school with only one ambition, to marry a wealthy man.

Quite -the op doesn't do detail or facts does she!!

I’m sorry that you feel the need to admonish me. But on both your replies you have called me out. Maybe your life as a SAHM is fulfilling but you are still looking down at me.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife but it would drive me insane. I have spent my working life fixing smiles and everyone I fix gives me an incredible sense of purpose. I have also brought up a beautiful son who I hope has learned that women are capable of so much more than washing, cleaning and cooking.
I judge those who judge me.
Unfortunately life can be shit aswell. I recently recovered from breast cancer and my DH has had a stroke. No amount of money can prevent shit from happening but having a purpose outside of the home has helped me move on and enjoy life again.

@Angrymum22 calling someone out is not generally considered a bad thing. Name calling and insulting people is generally considered bad thing.
I'm sorry that you seem very perturbed that people have happy, fulfilled lives having made different choices to you. Or is it that some people have had the option to make different choices to you. And it bothers you that they had an option you did not have (whether you would have chosen it or not).

We all get dealt various hands in life. Some deservingly both good and bad, and some by sheer fluke and luck. No one gets through all of life unscathed by any difficulty. I've not floated through life on a bed of scented rose petals. Life has thrown up many many challenges. But, when it comes to the relationship and financial side of things I have been very fortunate. Please don't denigrate people on the basis of something as inconsequential to the quality of their character as whether they worked in paid employment or not.

I have seen so many threads on MN about counting the years til retirement and not working if they didn’t have to or what they would do if they won the lottery. The wfh thread where ppl just don’t know how they managed 5 day commutes.

These women have the option to go back to work when the children are older. If they do not because finances are good, it’s up to them.
Big households need running. Teens need ferrying about. Those things are at least equivalent to pt job hours.

All the inverse snobbery I have ever witnessed was actually jealousy. It’s so transparent.

@doeeyedstan i agree with your points. However, in this case everyone should be taken on an individual basis and no one should be categorised

Exactly though. A housekeeper and nanny would need hiring - those are jobs. Sahp do have jobs.

What working mums who put dc in to nursery full time do not appreciate is they will never have the movie camera memories in their minds of their babies and toddlers. Money can’t buy that.
That time is short. Going back to work is great but school age is the time to do it if you possibly can.