Women with rich husbands looking down noses at others

[Ifyouholdonforonemoreday]

It bugs me!

I live in a v wealthy area, lots of mum friends of mine don’t work, lovely people, husbands earn enough, fantastic situation I’d do the same (I work part time) but many other women who don’t work, days spent lunching, playing padel, getting nails done, yoga and so on…but just really up their own bums, very snooty and looking down at others. Have to admit it annoys me, it’s not their money, they didn’t earn it, why act like that? They could lose it all tomorrow, anyones circumstances could change..just eurgh

The best they would get is half and their lifestyle would go down the pan if they had to work. Friends would disappear and they’d be persona non grata at the tennis club if exH was also a member. It’s not just money they lose, it’s whatever passes for status in their minds and friendships. Quite often in these situations lives revolve around the men.

Yet many people manage to have a career without a SAHP at home.

Unfortunately this.

@SouthLondonMum22 - yes, but "many people" aren't millionaires in cash, are they?

@blueshoes

Who is 'we'?
We is us. Using our family money. Because that is what it is. Just as when two working parents have vastly different incomes or when one working parent takes maternity or goes part time to raise the dc. Or if one partner becomes disabled and no longer works. Or for a hundred other reasons. It's family money so 'we' pay.

I'm interested in how you would argue that a full time high earning husband doesn't own all the money he earns whilst his part time low earning wife who is a part time SAHM doesn't only own the money she earns. Because you seem adamant that the person who earns it owns it

A SAHM still didn't earn it though, no matter how rich her husband is.

Oh yes they expect it, but the wives don’t want it. They want - and get the pool boy! Lol…

I also live in a very wealthy area but I am not 'rich'. Me and DH have to work full time to keep it going. I know exactly what you mean and it's usually the mums from school who hang around the gates ages after their kids have gone in. However, there are some lovely ones out there but I'd say the majority like to have a circle similar to theirs. I work at a very prestigious place and have a good job and my mum had asked if I could do a house clean this one time for a new client to which I did. This family was wealthy but the attitude of the woman just came across exactly what you describe here. It's very true OP, life can truly change for anyone and there's nothing worse than thinking you are invincible because of money.

My dh is a high earner and I don't work. He isn't an arsehole, a cheat or a bore and treats me as an equal. I certainly don't look down on anyone, even if none of this fits the narrative of lots of posters on here.

@SouthLondonMum22 - what a misogynist life you must lead!

Also, just a statement you're not qualified to make.

I know what you mean OP, I just remind myself that I will always be a rich independent professional woman who is now retired (early) and drawing a f@*k off pension, working one day a week (which doubles my income).
I have no future worries, apart from the obvious, because whether my husband buggers off or dies before me my life will remain exactly the same. In fact I will be even more financially secure since his pension is tiny compared to mine.

Their ability to somehow think that they are superior because they don’t have to work really does puzzle me. One friend , who doesn’t look down on me but can sometimes be a little condescending ( I dumb down a lot so I think she doesn’t see me as a professional business owner who until recently had staff etc), she is currently having a melt down because she has no idea what her husband has arranged for their retirement and whether she will be entitled to a state pension never mind a private pension.

Another mum from school found out, when her ex surprised her with divorce papers that his family had systematically removed him from the family business so by the time the divorce papers were served he had no assets or income. All legal, and left her with nothing. She has since sold her soul and married her second husband, for money.

I know a few who have quietly disappeared when the “business” has gone tits up and they have lost everything, have had to send back the leased Range Rover and can no longer afford the school fees.

I work in healthcare so wear a uniform/scrubs for work. Makeup is a waste of time because it disappears rapidly when you wear a mask most of the day. So when I rolled up for drop off and pick up it was usually in a pair of jeans and a top. The school gate was not part of my social life so no need to dress up.

I like to think that it is because they are intimidated by a woman who probably earns as much as their DH.

I am so glad that I stuck with the career and married my best friend for love. We have just celebrated our 25th anniversary although have been together for 32yrs.

@SouthLondonMum22

Yet many people manage to have a career without a SAHP at home

Yes. Because they have mediocre paid jobs or they pay for help.

If both people have demanding high paid jobs that require extended business trips abroad, late nights and working random times in the weekend then there is unlikely going to be the ability to run the household and parent. IRS quite hard to parent when both parents are scheduled to be in surgery or one is abroad on business whilst the other one is giving a presentation in Scotland. (Assuming they don't live in Scotland).
Understandably, many people decide as a couple that they don't want that life. They want one of them to be able to be there for the dc and to be able to arrange the domestic life so the other one can concentrate on earning. This is hardly complex. It's team work.

ALL of this.

My question re: 'we' is rhetorical and in response to the sneery tone that you don't get your hands dirty but that you and someone else (i.e. your high earning husband I assume) pays some other person to keep your big house and garden immaculate.

But thank you for the long explanation.

People want to believe that bizarre stereotype. It's driven by a need to be able to paint it as an awful existence. They can't bear the idea that some of us just have really really nice lives with loving husbands who treat us like queens.

It doesn't mean we don't have issues. We still have dc with illnesses or disabilities or NDs that cause difficulties or mental health concerns or parents either ill health. But on the home front, some of us really are living very nice lives.

It is their money though, OP. They’ve made the decision as a family to live on one income because they can afford it and the benefits outweigh the negatives. Maybe what we should be looking at is why the high earners in a family still tend to be the males.

@minipie Ive given examples.

I’m not concluding that at all, as I’ve said I have lots of lovely friends in similar positions, they’re not arseholes though. I’ve seen some who are

If you wear scrubs and work in healthcare I very much doubt you earn the millions these men are earning

They may feel they have to act like this as underneath they know they are worthless (materiallistically) without being married to rich men? Once you get into a deep meaningful conversation a lot can be revealed! I had a friend, well she wasn't at first because she was snooty, I assumed she looked down on me, for some reason we ended up being the last ones in a pub. She started to pour her heart out so I stayed with her and my opinion of her changed and we have been close ever since. She acted this way to set up a barrier and hated the other wags. Don't judge a book by its cover but if they really are shallow and only concerned with looks then no need to be friends. Xx

@blueshoes

But thank you for the long explanation.
You're welcome

Of course it isn't complex, it usually goes the same way such as it almost always being the woman who just has to give up her career.

As you said though, a SAHM isn't necessary because paying for help, especially with the amount of money we're talking about is also an option.

So no, SAHM's don't earn the money and it isn't necessary to have one if you have a demanding, high paid career.

You are pretty much proved the point. Making a snide remark that Angrymum does not earn 'millions'.

Do you? Or did you just marry it?

Why is it, every time a thread like this pops up, women seem so hell-bent on making it into some kind of competition or 'race to the bottom'.

In reality, if somebody offered you a rich husband, no work, stress free life, do whatever the fuck you want kind of life, would you turn it down?

Envy really is an ugly emotion.

You haven’t given examples though?

You’ve said something general about being rude to the waitress or treating their cleaner badly, but have you actually seen this happen? You also say you don’t hang around with these people, so when would you have seen how they treat waitresses or cleaners?

When my DH became a SAHP it really set the tongues wagging. I had at least two SAHM ask me if I was ok with him not working. The irony was totally lost on them. I was too kind to point it out.