DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

We seriously considered emigrating to Christchurch , at 53, with a nine-year-old after a three month stay, and with a serious business venture in mind. But after a long reflection, we decided against it because variously of aged ill parents, (then) low salaries and high cost of living. For me, additionally, there was a lack of deep history and culture which I would have missed. There's a heap of geography and geology in NZ (and it's spectacularly beautiful) BUT I would have missed the history and archeology that's all around in Europe. And since then, I have learned that I really, deeply loathe most of the Asian holiday destinations frequented by Antipodeans.

Running away is not the answer. He sounds very anxious and will probably find something just as worrying there.

Has he considered the possibility of China starting a war with Taiwan? I’d imagine that NZ would not stand aside.

There’s a woman on here who emigrated to NZ with her husband, split and is now stuck there until the child becomes an adult because the child is considered a resident of NZ and can’t be removed without dad’s permission.

I have lived overseas (not NZ) and you need to assess if the pros of NZ outweigh the cons of the UK. Lots of people want to leave the UK but different countries have different pros and you need to work out do you want to move to NZ or do you want to leave the UK which aren’t the same things.

He sounds incredibly paranoid. Does he mean war with Russia? The Russians can’t even subdue the Ukraine. What chance would they have against NATO? For the Russian army to invade the U.K., they’d have to run their tanks across the whole of continental Europe ffs. They’d have to defeat Poland, Germany and France before they got to us. Then they’d have to launch a cross channel invasion. New Zealand is more likely to be invaded by China.

China is in a stronger position than Russia. Our Australian relatives are very twitchy these days about the asians there and the effect on the economy both business and domestic.

As a Kiwi, I'm going to bite my tongue about some of the very interesting opinions on NZ and NZers (like about our supposedly very right wing govt and the anti-english sentiments 😳) but I absolutely don't think you should move here, or anywhere away from your entire support network, unless you are 100% keen to move, which you clearly aren't. It's a huge undertaking and will be a massive massive adjustment even if you were super excited and enthusiastic about it.

I had always heard nz was right behind the nordic countries ( so right at the top and ahead of uk) for literacy etc.

Their educational qualifications are fully accepted by UK universities do I’m not sure where you are getting this from.

I find the posts about being 'stuck' in NZ very strange. Its isn't Bangladesh. Its a beautiful country. Personally I would find it far more appealing than the UK.

DH was offered a job in Australia a few years ago and got cold feet about it and turned it down. There hasn't been a week in the last ten years that I don't feel regret for not going. I am very resentful that DH wouldn't try it.

I'd say give it a try OP. Go for a year or two and see how you feel.

Our nephew and his wife went out there about 15 years ago. They were both in the police in the uk and got jobs in the police over there. They are very happy.

DH had short term contract in Oz about 25 years ago, so I visited and during that trip we visited friends and colleagues in NZ. NZ is very beautiful but extremely remote and the conurbations are much smaller than in Oz. Ultimately, I could live in Oz but NZ just too remote. However, being so far from family was too much.

Thank you! As with all the threads about moving to NZ/Australia/USA/anywhere but the UK the nonsense on this one is off the scale.

As for The houses don't have heating (although it doesn't get as cold in the winter). - of course the houses have heating, or you actually buy a heater, it's just not central heating (and it certainly does get as cold in the winter in some parts of the country).

This

"New Zealand China relations – Parliament of Australia" https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_departments/Parliamentary_Library/FlagPost/2023/October/New_Zealand_China_relations

If your husband is being paranoid, then he should balance it out @Notnowbarnaby

I wouldn’t be moving to the other side of the world with a clearly delusional man. Not a chance.

If there’s a war (big if), I’d want to be with my extended family, not miles away.

Given his mental health issues I expect if you did go he'd refuse to move back and you'd be stuck there. NZ is very strict about not allowing kids to leave when one parent refuses. Moving is unlikely to give him back his mental health. He is very likely to find another thing to be anxious about, that tends to be how extreme anxiety works. The actual mental health problem needs to be addressed with therapy and/or medication.

Not sure why people are so worried about “the war” we had a Cold War instead of a hot war between us and the USSR for one major reason- nuclear weapons! Mutually assured destruction! Your safe in the UK where no country would dare invade us then New Zealand who has non. Even me saying this sounds utterly nuts!!!! Also a side note on NZ- houses are very expensive there- it’s like buying a house in London, also as it’s so remote- buying things from abroad costs a fortune

I would veto the idea

A) because I think your DH is over-reacting to his SM feeds
B) because neither of you have even visited the place, and don't seem to have done any research on anything very much that would affect any life you would have there from the cost of housing (exorbitant) to dental care (any Kiwi you meet with decent teeth is very well-to-do)
C) because NZ is not heaven on earth, though desperately beautiful. There are social issues there too.

D) It rains even more in South Island than almost anywhere else on the planet. Milford Sound doesn't blink at rain when it's measured in feet per month.

About alleged anti-English sentiments:

This is almost entirely due to the different sense of humour. Kiwis rag each other, as a sign of affection, in a way that would be rude in English culture. Your ethnicity won't be excluded from the ragging. Also English polite self-depreciation can come across as servile / manipulative here.

there's also a reappraisal of the country's colonial background and that can be confronting if you're from the UK.

I'm English-born and I've been here for two decades and haven't ever experienced hostility directed at me because I'm English. Scotland in the 90s was way worse.

It's difficult to compare the systems.

I've consistently heard that schools here are more relaxed.

Regarding maths, there is an acknowledged crisis and on most measures English schools outperform NZ. Regarding basic literacy, NZ appears to be best, but my observation of my kids' education is that on the humanities / arts / literature side their education has been very thin.

I've often heard it said that NZ schools tech certain topics about two years after England, though how much actually stays in English kids' heads is probably worth considering as they seem to be so bombarded.

A vastly cheaper option would be for your DH to turn the news off and stop doom scrolling on social media.

Cutting that out for a couple of weeks, he'll feel much better mentally.

Could you interest him in prepping instead?

As a Brit I have lived in NZ for 8 yrs, I recently left to move to Australia
I'll try and cover off some more unusual points;

Say if you earn 100k GBP in the UK and get offered $200k NZD its not the same, your pay in NZ doesn't go as far. Food is really really expensive, particularly fruit and veg. I am in the UK at the moment and food is still cheap here, in comparison.

You have to eat seasonally, you can't decide to make a pavlova and put strawberries and rasberries on as they are only available when in season in NZ and OZ, so you have to buy frozen or go without.

If you get invited to someones house in winter, you have to take an extra jumper and socks as you will likely be chilly.

Most houses have heat pumps, but they aren't that great tbh

Typically, when most people invite you over to their house you have to "bring a plate" as the host cant afford to cater for all those that they have invited.

I'm in NZ and it feels like half my work place is from the UK, I would say the biggest adjustment for some of them is how far away they are from everything else and not being able to easily travel. I have lived here all my life so being "remote" is what I know and am used to, but I can see how it would be a struggle if you're not and all your family are a long distance flight away.

Some of the comments here are inaccurate or based on nz 10 plus years ago. The dollar has become a lot stronger than pre 2008 - in my view salaries are on the whole higher here. I have certainly found that.

also be wary op. Some of the people commenting might have moved over and lived somewhere very rural and remote with miserable weather. Of course life would be shit. I would be very cautious about taking advice from a forum like this, the only way to know is to visit - trust me I have ping ponged several times.

Also the expensive travel thing is a bit of a red herring. If you can afford package holidays to Europe then flights home are totally doable. Again I feel like a lot of the comments here are cliches churned out without basis

D) It rains even more in South Island than almost anywhere else on the planet. Milford Sound doesn't blink at rain when it's measured in feet per month.

I very much doubt OP will be moving to Milford Sound to live!! As for the rest of your ridiculous statement, I live in the South Island, much of the time we are in drought conditions and farmers have irrigators or they would be pretty much restricted to sheep farming! The West Coast gets a lot of rain, the majority of people in the S.I. don't live there. Honestly, where do people get this stuff from?