DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

We moved to NZ.

Not many people live rurally - I'm guessing the people who say that rural life is the norm were here on holiday.

The weather is amazing, the houses are cold (but improving),the salaries are low.

The culture is different, it's not 1950s Britain or England with beaches. There is a strong Māori and Pasifika influence and kids are learning to speak te reo Māori and do kapa haka etc (I think this is amazing).

Your child will probably thrive here - our kids took to NZ life brilliantly. They can be children for longer here, in my opinion, and it's less materialistic.

It's isolated though and we feel far from anywhere which is tough with family relationships. But don't regret moving here.

Also, arf at whoever mentioned "anti British sentiment". Not a thing, and you can't move for Brits where I am.

I grew up in NZ, having moved there at a young age. Honestly it’s so far away from family, we could never afford the flights to come back to the UK to visit. And family couldn’t afford to visit us. Eventually my Mum split with my Dad and moved us kids back to be near family.

The education system was different, its worth checking now if the qualifications are of a similar level as the UK as it didn’t used to be.
Food was expensive, living was expensive.

We lived with the threat of earthquakes. At school we had earthquake drills and at home we had emergency bags/ food & water.

We needed a car to get anywhere really.

Those are some realities. However, I have fond memories of living there & the culture, the scenery. We just felt too far from family and our ‘home’ as the UK.

Your husband should put his energy into sorting his mental health problems, threat of war is nonsense

I'm with your DH

But probably the safest place when climate change hits. That would be a better reason to move.

I wouldn't rule it out but if you split up and if you wanted to return to the uk, where would that leave you pension-wise? Maybe it would make no difference but it's something he should understand. A vulnerability

wow so much negativity.

You will be subject to The Hague Convention regarding children, but you would be in any country and supports the convention. I suppose if you know that if at some point in the future you and your DH might have different plans about where to live you can put an agreement in place.

The “anti English’s sentiment is bolloxs. I’m English and lived there for many years. There are loads and loads of English, British, Irish etc…

It’s not all rural. Yes the country is not built up and congested as the uk but there are plenty of towns & cities.

I prefer Auckland, but not everyone dose. It is very spread out but it’s a fab city. It’s not the capital city but definitely the biggest. Wellington is the capital, lots of government based jobs. It’s very compact, easy to get around. My negative about Wellington is I don’t like being cold and Wellington gets some biting southerly winds which I find chilling. Most locals don’t notice them though.

NZ is an amazing country, lots of culture. You have beaches, mountains, skiing all sorts of outdoors sports and leisure. Non of which I’m into, I’d much rather fund a nice seat in a bar and enjoy the view, which you can do. The food is amazing, lots of Asian influence and it’s so much fresher than here.

Schools, your DS would go to the local school, there is non of the applying and fighting for spots like here. Children start the day after their 5th birthday what ever days it falls on, unless it’s school holidays. Summer holidays are over Christmas and January. You will find many businesses also close down over the summer. Some for the whole of January. Not all though. If you don’t want your DS to go to a local school you can look at private or faith schools but it’s usually common to just go locally.

Your DS should be entitled to free Kindy (preschool) hours before school. Schools are not as anal as uk schools. Far more relaxed.

Doctors, your not restricted by postcode like the uk. You can register anywhere you like and see any Dr you like. DS will be entitled to free Drs upto 6 I think, it might be older now. Yes you pay for medical care, but unless you have a serious condition needing regular medicine it isn’t as bad as you think. There is a reciprocal agreement with the uk on medical treatment, so if you were in an accident you will automatically get treatment. Certain treatments, like elective ones you would have to pay for until you became resident.

You can take out medical insurance or your DH may have cover through his employer.

you will find medical care on a whole far better than the UK. But dentists very expensive. Again insurance is your friend.

Holidays, tend to be NZ based, we loved getting a camper van and driving around the islands. If you can afford it you have Australia and pacific islands. Most Kiwis tend to holiday within NZ though.

Yes you are a long way from “home” some people love it, some hate it.

I would go back tomorrow and bring my DDs up there if I could.

Earthquakes and other natural disasters. Yes you get them, especially in certain areas, but the country is equipped for them and after a while you don’t even notice many of them.

COL is definitely expensive, that is my biggest negative about NZ. Before leaving 10 years ago, DH and I had a base salary of over NZ$150k and we struggled sometimes. It’s extremely hard to get on the property ladder especially in big cities.

Would highly recommend learning to drive. I learnt in NZ, so much better than the UK, no where near as expensive, but it was almost 20years ago now. Roads are wider and the driving licence system is better.

I grew up between NZ and UK as had family in both countries. I honestly expected to move to NZ and settle as an adult as I just loved it so much as a child.

However, it feels quite different to me compared to 80s/90s. There’s a lot of gang culture affecting young men, and it seems to affect a range of families, not just the stereotypical inner city lower socio economic groups like in the UK. I have friends who were living in affluent areas, great lifestyle, who’s teenage boys got drawn in and took many years to rehabilitate.

I am always surprised at how expensive groceries are (although we are probably on a par here now). Fuel used to be cheaper but not sure now. Books and clothes more expensive. Biggest issue for me is flights are SO expensive compared to when I was growing up. We have only taken the kids out once, which I’m so sad about, but we simply can’t afford it.

Many of my family having had good jobs and great lifestyles are now spending their retirement in relative poverty due to low pensions and high living costs. I guess that is becoming increasingly common here though.

Lower annual leave and salaries in general mean that travel beyond NZ and Australia is out of reach for many. There is obviously loads to explore in NZ but I have cousins who have lived in the UK and returned and really miss the ease, affordability and variety of travel in Europe.

The worst thing about family in two places growing up was the awful feeling as grandparents and relatives got older and not being able to travel easily to be with them if they declined or fell ill. Not knowing whether it was the last goodbye when you left again. So many funerals missed.

I think the biggest concern for me is that the decision for your DH seems grounded in irrationality rather than research. Does this mean he is less likely to be rational if you try it and want to come home? Can you reason with him? And, kindly, but is this indicative of some greater mental health problem - paranoia or at least anxiety - and how would you feel if that becomes heightened by the stress of an international move?

It is such a beautiful and welcoming country in other ways, I would absolutely recommend a holiday there to you or going and doing more research. But it is just so far away, and I think if you are too feel confident about it you need to agree some conditions with DH - maybe a trip to research, and maybe a commitment to a check in point where you decide to stay or go? I’m not sure if it is possible but I’d also be looking at getting some legal agreement that you can come and go from NZ as you please with DS.

Before he does anything at all he should get his health checked. If there’s any kind of issue with any aspect of it they likely won’t allow any of you to immigrate, so the decision might be out of your hands.

New Zealand (especially the South Island and Queenstown) is a great place to visit on a holiday but, after living there for a year and seeing all I wanted to see, I was ready to leave.
I was on a fairly low salary there, but I found there wasn’t much to spend my money on, so I was able to save a good bit for coming back home.
It’s the kind of place that would be better if you know people out there or grew up there. I had a really good group of colleagues, but I never saw them outside work and didn’t see flatmates that much either. They were also mostly students as we lived right beside the universities.
The pubs in Auckland weren’t as good as those in Australia, so it was hard to meet other people too.
Public transport was also fairly bad too. Auckland is very hilly and watery, so not easy to travel round. It took me 45 minutes to travel 3 miles to work due to all the stops and red lights.
That said, I wouldn’t just rule it out right away. Do your research so you can make an informed decision. Look at the area you’re likely to move to, see the schools and things to do nearby, look at salaries and find out what your visa would allow you to do. You might not agree with your husband’s reason for wanting to move, but that doesn’t mean moving isn’t still a good idea.

Edit: also they do take health seriously. My cousin was there with his girlfriend at the same time as me, and her Sponsored work visa was rejected due to her having a bad heart.
My visa got rejected too, but that was due to the type of work I was doing.

DH and I lived in NZ for a year, and I loved it in a lot of ways, it’s a beautiful country, but it’s very different to the UK.

It fees so remote over there, you’re so far away from home. I couldn’t get used to how quiet it was, I lived in Auckland and I only came from a small, normal town in the UK but I just couldn’t get used to how small and quiet it felt.

You also don’t hear about another countries daily challenges when you’re not there.

Unless you were as keen as your DH, I would say absolutely don’t go. Especially because like others have pointed out, worst case scenario if he loves it there and you don’t you could be stuck there forever.

DH was offered a job in NZ. I told him to find out how the salary equated with what we had here and what our standard of living would be. Would I be able to work as a teacher? Also, I told him we had to be able to have enough money in the bank so I could fly home at 10 minutes notice if my parents needed me. WE didn’t go.

The fuck?

War with whom?

Probably Russia. I believe TikTok is full of it, a lot of it taken from Russian TV where they simulate ‘sinking’ the UK/Ireland or carpet bombing us with nukes.

Its nonsense of course but if your mental health wasn’t great I can see how that might not do your state of mind any good.

I’d go. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. NZ is beautiful. You’ll get away from the overcrowding and all the other things that are slowly decaying in the UK. Your son is more likely to thrive in NZ than the UK. As to your job and working more generally, you’ll find something - after all, partners do work.

Ha. I was in a very similar position a few years ago. Interested to see what you decide!

Does anyone remember the name- I think I read this one too !

Well put.

Prone to earthquakes so it’s still dangerous there . I’ve been and it’s like stepping back to the 80s . Beautiful but abit weird

If you don't drive, NZ is not a place you want to live. You'd be seriously restricted

On the other hand, I was FO brat and spent my childhood Country hopping which was a great experience in some ways. Not so great in others

Nothing wrong with emigrating to NZ if it’s what you both want and you know when’s you’re getting into.

But my concern is the reason he wants to. The whole war thing is crackpot - what does he think is going to happen?!

Myself and my partner moved to NZ from the UK two years ago and think it was the best decision we’ve made. I had done a working holiday for 6 months prior and my husband had also visited so we k ew what we were signing up for!

We live in Auckland (because of our jobs) which is the biggest city, but still small by UK standards and heaps of green space and beaches. Rural NZ is extremely rural but there are plenty of towns and cities which are not.

Cost of living:

• salaries are slightly higher here for both mine and my husbands industries.
• rent/house prices are a lot in Auckland, but still less than London/SE, and outside of major cities things are way more affordable
• supermarket shopping is more expensive and more useful to shop seasonally. Now UK food prices have gone up though it’s not as different.
• eating out, activities, petrol all similar to UK
• household bills are definitely cheaper here
• clothes/books/appliances/furniture are expensive here

Healthcare:

• if your visa allows you to stay more than two years you get subsidised healthcare same as NZ citizens.
• you do have to pay for GP appointments for adults (unless low income), amount varies from £15-40 but you get to pick your GP and it’s easy to book in and they feel way less rushed. Prescriptions are free. Hospital care is free.
• dentists are not subsidized
• anything caused by an accident is super well covered so GP appointments free, get more funded time off work, super easy to self refer for cheap physio (like £10 a session)
• currently pregnant and have found maternity care good so far - normal to have an early scan at 7 weeks, you get to pick your midwife who will be with you the whole time

Visas

• ease depends massively on your job but once one family member has a visa my understanding is you are all on the same visa and the other adult can work or not work in any capacity they want
• you do have to have a medical, but I think they mostly want to check you are fit to work and don’t have any infectious diseases

lifestyle

• we love the outdoors and how clean and beautiful it is here. No sewage in rivers/oceans
• public areas are so well looked after - there is always clean public toilets, drinking fountains etc
• just feels wayyyy less crowded!
• work/life balance generally better than UK
• more public holidays (12), minimum annual leave is 32 days (including public holidays) but obviously companies can give more
• quite car centric but there is public transport in the cities
• in Auckland at least the weather is so much better than the UK!

Meet an aunt at family weddings . They fly over on average every two years. They originally went out for a job with three small children. They never expected to stay but the years passed, children grew up, got married had children. So now they are stuck there. She admitted they do miss home but their life is now there and they expect to die there.

their children know nothing else now.

Your husband is being ridiculous 🙄.
But suppose there was a war. How would he feel about family and friends you had left behind being caught up in it?
Aside from that many other OPs have given you very good reasons why his plan is not a good one.