DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

Point D); Specifically, the West Coast of the South island is very wet. The East Coast of the South Island is dry. I live here and it has barely rained for 6 months, we had fires over summer due to the dry conditions. The mountain range which runs up the middle of the island has an effect on the weather. Agree with your other points though!

Typically, when most people invite you over to their house you have to "bring a plate" as the host cant afford to cater for all those that they have invited.

Oh ffs! "bring a plate" is generally reserved for a big social function. I have never been invited to someone's house and had to take my own food!

At the moment I am sitting in my heat pump heated living room and I'm toasty warm. What we don't do is heat every room in the house, normally just the living areas. I have never in my life taken an extra jumper and a pair of socks to someone's house in winter. You must know some rather odd, not to mention frugal, people!!

Our DS enjoyed a week in Kiwi primary school at eight. We donated the cost of local education spend to the class year group for the teacher to spend. And we did the same in the US on the same trip. As I said upthread, we spent three months there, renting a series of places to stay, at considerable expense but we were doing DH's bucket list after he survived a catastrophic health crisis. DH was at the right age to learn as much travelling as from formal school, and I have QTS so he did all the reading and writing practice anyway and his maths was learning to plan journeys by understanding airline schedules and time zones. He learned to read a map on the same trip. He even bought a tiny drawing by a famous NZ artist for the family Christmas present as a souvenir, within his allotted (£15 equivalent) budget at a museum. We returned nearly bankupt. But healthier, and we regrouped.

OI !!! Who's rude?

I did say Milford Sound specifically! and meant it. We had 18 inches of rain in our three days there. But yes, I have farming friends in Hawarden and have heard of their drought.

(any Kiwi you meet with decent teeth is very well-to-do)

Another strange comment. Yes, dental care is expensive, but my friends go to the dentist regularly, as did my colleagues when I worked. Me, not so much, but I have very good teeth, and I go if I need to. None of us are "very well-to-do.

You said "D) It rains even more in South Island than almost anywhere else on the planet." and then mentioned Milford Sound afterwards. Anyone reading that would take from it that the S.I. is wetter than almost anywhere else on the planet, which is very untrue.

Hahahaha. "Bring a plate is a thing that people do not because of cost. Doesn't the UK have something similar, or maybe the US "a potluck dinner". It's just a form of entertaining/ gathering. "Let's all get together for Sunday lunch. Great. Can I bring something? Sure, can you do nibbles and I'll do mains and I'll ask Cathy to bring her fabulous pavlova". It's not because they can't afford food. It's been around in Aus/NZ for decades. Some of the crap on this thread is hilarous.

Perhaps he needs therapy for his anxiety first

Just my observation, I should probably have said, or lucky. Kiwi dentition, outside the major towns was, in 2008, even worse than the UK. I do hope things have improved.

We bring dishes in the UK too. Unless it's a formal dinner party. Friends are coming for a BBQ this weekend; they are bringing the pud. They will decide what it is.

There are a lot worse places you could go, but I don't think your DH's reason will drive a well thought out decision.

NZ is an expensive place to live. I think you can move and make a good life wherever you are if you choose to. However you do need to consider the longer term impacts on your child of not having extended family around.

We lived in NZ for quite a while and ultimately departed for Australia. Economically we find it much easier in Australia and one of my children developed a significant medical condition since we moved. I am very thankful to have them cared for under the Australian medical system and wouldn't move back to NZ for this one reason alone now (barring some sort of unanticipated extreme circumstance). We have more options for treatment here, I believe. That's not to say Australia doesn't have issues of it's own, like any country, but my point is to give you some of my experience. Of course, my experience is just one and not true for everyone else.

I do love the long history of Europe, so that is something you may miss. Also, the easy access to other countries from the UK.

We thought we'd go back and visit more often than we have. We rarely have because it's so expensive.

Can you visit and get a feel for NZ to help you decide? Maybe a long term visit?

Bringing a plate is just an easy way of sharing the load. It's not because of cost.

Mind you, I'd estimate that frush fruit, vig, fush, meat and iggs are about 30% pricier than in the UK.

You can buy strawberries and raspberries all year round in Australia. Many Australians eat seasonally so was to support Australian growers and I'm one of them.

Bringing a plate is a custom, not about poverty at all. It's not one I do myself when entertaining as I do it UK-style, often having to fend off kind offers that would feck up my well-planned menu.

@NorseKiwi

“Typically, when most people invite you over to you have to "bring a plate" as the host cant afford to cater for all those that they have invited.””.

Honestly, what a load of friggen nonsense. Out of all the drivel and misconceptions spouted on this thread about NZ, this one is particularly annoying. Kiwis will be bring a plate for numerous reasons - respect for host, the sharing of kai, sharing the workload to name a few reasons. Your ascertain that the “bring a plate” tradition is because a host can’t afford to cater is quite frankly rude and insulting.

Yes, the bring a plate thing is about sharing the load and is very common. Everyone does a little bit so no one person has to do everything.

My son and his GF went there as part of their 'Year out'....{Working}
Son said it was very eerie driving all day and seeing not one other person on the road...That never happens in UK.

A colleague emigrated there, determined it would be a great start.

A few years later, I saw her in an English village!
She had moved back to UK- THANKFULLY she hadn't sold her house , but had rented it out.

She shuddered when asked about NZ.

She said it was nothing like what she had expected {Lesbian with a young child}

Something that surprised me is that I found it harder to make friends in NZ than in the UK. People here are friendly but (in my experience at least) more reserved than British people so they're harder to get to know.

Yes, people do think NZ would be one of the safest places in a nuclear war. We could be self-sufficient in food as well. But who really knows. Survivors of a nuclear war might well envy the dead.

Anyway, what your husband is suggesting is absolute madness. He wants you to immigrate to a country you have never even seen. I am a New Zealander. Lots of stuff on this thread by non-New Zealanders is plain wrong.

We are not in the 1950s. We legalised same sex marriage before the UK did. We have updated our euthanasia law when the UK still has not done so. We have had many female prime ministers. Our divorce law have been non-fault for decades. And all those years ago, we were the first country in the world to give women the vote - back in 1893.

Yes, New Zealand is a very sporty country in general. But not everybody is sporty, I'm not. We're not all out running the Coast to Coast or circumnavigating the country in a kayak though. My son, born and bred a New Zealander with his father's family coming to NZ in the 1870s, once shared a flat with two sports mad people. He said it was a relief to move out as all they ever talked about was kayaking. Most live in cities rather than rurally.

Many people come to NZ and they want it to be just like the UK but less crowded with better scenery. The idea that you could buy a very nice house with the proceeds of your UK house sale are probably long gone. Housing is expensive. Food is expensive. Medical care is not free although there is a public health system albeit with waiting lists and prioritising treatment. Going to the GP costs you money. Dental care is not free and is not cheap. Our public transport system is not great so being unable to drive would be a major inconvenience to you - most New Zealanders can drive.

Then there are the earthquakes. They are quite frightening. My boss once let me crawl under the table first being a gentleman while the building shook and we were on the fifth floor. Check out photographs of people belaying out of an office block in Christchurch after the Christchurch earthquake in 2011 and they were lucky. They survived and didn't lose limbs.

Also New Zealand does refuse visas for people with medical issues who might place a burden on the healthcare system. That is not unfair, we have to prioritise our own people. So your husband might be being a Pollyanna if there are medical issues with your son.

All that sun that people think is wonderful? Expect to coat your children in sunscreen if you are white on a very regular basis. I think we come second to Australia in skin cancer rates.

And as previous posters have said, if you do settle in NZ and divorce, you likely will not be able to take the children back to the UK. There are lots of women trapped by this - especially if they marry a New Zealander. This is not to say that the fathers that insist the children remain in New Zealand actually step up to do any childcare either.

I think people do come to New Zealand and settle here because they like it here. My own parents were immigrants in the 1950s. I think in your circumstances you would have to think long and hard about it.

Yes the flight is horrendous and no people dont visit as its expensive

OP This is really the wrong forum to ask about anywhere other than the UK.
As you can see its full of posts written by people who have either visited NZ nearly twenty years ago or only been on holidays there or have friends who live there or write complete heresay.

Go and see the country for yourself as it is now instead of reading opinions about NZ that were formed twenty years ago. Or join a forum for people who live there or are planning to move there and read up to date information from people who are there now.

For me, additionally, there was a lack of deep history and culture which I would have missed.

I'm going to assume that's a typo and you meant to say a lack of deep white history and culture, @Papyrophile . Otherwise it'd be an incredibly racist statement.

We moved to New Zealand in 2012 and very quickly made it our home. It's just a totally different way of life here. We stayed for 8 years before trying out Australia. We've just moved back to NZ after 4 yrs in Australia (I HATED Aus)

We felt welcome the minute we stepped of the plane, I've made some brilliant friends here as have the DC.

The cost of living is high but we make it work for the quality of life we have here. Food is expensive but that means we just eat "in season". There is a lack of shopping options but online ordering has definitely got better in the last few years. The healthcare system is fantastic. We pay for GP appointments but we've all been in hospital at one time or another and have had excellent, free care. Dentistry is expenisve. We have a great public transport system where we are, but you will still need to run at least one car.

On the discussion of heat pumps, I'm currently sitting in my nice warm lounge even though the heatpump is old. We only heat the main rooms in the house which we used to in the uk anyway. Energy prices seem fairly reasonable for us.

“Typically, when most people invite you over to you have to "bring a plate" as the host cant afford to cater for all those that they have invited.”

This quote is ridiculous. It has nothing to do with poverty or being able to "afford" to cater. It's about customs, it's about respect and it's about the sharing of kai with friends and whānau.

We came in to this country, without doing much research at all, it was a whim really. It was the best thing we did but I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing it without looking into every aspect of living here.

Very sensible advice.

Well I am New Zealander and do live there. So I think my post above was probably accurate and current.

Yes, the stuff about bring a plate is not very common any more and it wasn't to do with poverty. My mother in the 1950s actually thought they must have a shortage of plates so bought an empty plate! I think it might have been common for rural socials that might have taken place where that meant they had food for a supper or something. It's an old custom in New Zealand.