DH wants to Move us all to NZ…

[Notnowbarnaby]

… because he’s had a job offer and he’s increasingly concerned about the threat of war. (We are in the UK).
we have one DS who is just about to start school in September and is currently getting settled into the idea/going to taster sessions.
im not currently working. I was self employed previously. I’ve had a look online and it seems like DH would get the visa for the job offer and we could apply for a NZ Family Visa and try to get residency there once there, but I’m unclear about whether I’d need to work in order to hold that Visa - I’m not against working at all and we agreed I’d pick up my self employed business again when DS goes to school but I don’t think that would be an option under the working requirements there.
DH keeps saying the company would sort it all but I think it’s such a sudden huge decision and I’m worried that he’s just forging ahead with it because of his anxiety about the world situation.
weve never even been to NZ. We don’t know anyone out there, I don’t know anything about it or the schooling system etc.
it’s so far away as well we wouldn’t be able to see friends and family regularly. I’m worried about how DS would adapt.
im not enthusiastic as you can tell but DH thinks it’s a smart move
AIBU to want to dig my feet in about this and say no?!

I guess because they don’t want you to take up medical resources if you already know there’s an issue? I have no idea though!

They also don’t have enough doctors - many go to Australia for more money.

A child needing life long treatment is likely to take resources they simply don’t have.

I wouldn't dream of emigrating to any country without visiting it for an extended period. Get to know the culture, health, education system etc

My son lives in Auckland. We went for an extended visit/holiday, & we were bored - and that's the city !

He likes it there, but he was a boring old fart when he was a teenager.

He needs to hear everything you said here and understand it.

Its a firm no for you, OP, and as someone who has followed a husband to Germany and the USA for work in the past and sacrificed my own wants in many ways for the marriage I say you need to shut the plan down now so you can move forward with what you’re actually going to do to improve his (and your) future.

You would absolutely need to learn to drive.

but it sounds like your husband might not be totally well so I’d get onto that first

DH and I moved abroad (about 6000 miles away, so not quite NZ but very far). We don't regret it but it's hard. A few things I'd say:

1. Your relationship needs to be rock solid. It adds so much stress to a marriage and you don't have your usual support network. Lots of marriages break up when they get here.

1. You will NOT visit the UK as often as you think. We make excellent money but after a while, the 13 hour flight is such a PAIN and you will want actual vacations. Using up almost all your annual leave to hang out with MIL gets old fast.

1. At the same time, you will miss your family terribly.

1. You BOTH need to be happy. It's a big challenge, if you're going to go through it, you both need to be excited about it and get something out of it. Both your lives need to be better. If not, see point 1.

1. Your son's age is actually great for moving to be fair.

1. The move needs to be researched carefully, know what you're getting yourself into.

Your DH is being very irrational. I would not uproot my life and my child for a man who watches too much crap on TikTok. See point 1.

DH has become increasingly concerned about the war in the context of the UK specifically being a target. I don’t know if he’s spent too long on TikTok where it seems to be a constant stream of discussion or where it’s coming from.

Does your husband think that other Western countries aren't targets?

Also NZ has earthquakes.

I've not had to work out an earthquake plan in the UK like I have done when I've lived in or visited other countries.

Woah some of these responses!

NZ is an amazing place to raise a child! They will actually have a childhood. What is all this nonsense about living rurally?! Did you know that nz has cities and towns?!

Food is no more expensive than the U.K. now plus if you’re up north you can grown your own produce. The climate in the upper half of the north island is a lot milder, where I live it is t shirt weather 9 months of the year. There is about double the sunshine hours too so no horrendous grey sky. I earn more in Nz so does DH so research your area don’t listen to someone else

As for being in the 1950s what rubbish! It’s not perfect but nowhere is, you should visit first if you can. Don’t rule it out though, if I had listened to the naysayers I would still be miserable in grey U.K. (which I still love dearly and visit often).

I moved to NZ for my ex partner and got permanent residency easily.

It has amazing pros as a country and some major cons.

it’s very split as a society.

the houses are freezing and damp with no central heating.

have a look at the earthquake drums

https://www.geonet.org.nz/earthquake/drums

Salaries are lower and you won’t have much spare and it is sooooooo far to get anywhere different. Made me really appreciate Europe.

i had an amazing network of friends etc but it was quite surburban even in the city which I struggled with.

amazing clothes designers though. I miss NZ dress designers.

good luck with your decision!

Go! What an amazing opportunity

There was a British family in the 70s who became freaked out about the possibilty of war, esp nuclear. And decided to move somewhere remote, to keep their children safe.
They moved to..
The Falklands.

You get to excel in your field because there is a small number of people out there competing. And you meet some very very intelligent people with weird and wonderful jobs. One of my friend’s has a husband who works in Antarctica four months a year.

another friend had to flee with her child from DV to return the UK though.

Has he carefully researched it.. prices crime area..

Honestly, we’d move to NZ tomorrow if we had the opportunity. Too old/not wealthy enough, unfortunately.

I'd be out of this country like a shot given half a chance I'm afraid to say.

I would go.

Your husband is kind of right about war, new zealand is nice and far away from other countries and therefore hopefully conflict.

You would have an amazing quality of life with lovely beaches and fresh air for your child. Our school system is truly fu*ked, you're about to sign your child up to numerous years of it.

Politically there is PR, which is much better that the shitty UK system.

You can grow interesting fruits and vegetables because of the climate.

You can travel to places in SE Asia and Aus for holidays.

Natural springs.

...

What's keeping you here?

Ignoring his slightly illogical reasons for wanting to emigrate, give some thought to whether NZ is worth considering for a few years experience. It's expensive but if you're earning well and the company smooths the way then it may be you can save. It depends on the sort of lifestyle you want I suppose. Sure it's outdoorsy but there's culture, great food, beautiful scenery. It's a long way from the UK but it's nearer other parts of the world you might want to explore. Do some research on expat forums. Have you travelled much or ever lived abroad? If not it may sound daunting but it's a great opportunity. The problem is if DH wants to stay and you feel like returning in a few years time.

@Wetsummer Because NZ has free Healthcare and Accident Compensation to all citizens and permanent residents. The taxpayer covers all costs so there will be vetting to ensure there isnt an influx of immigrants burdening the system and tax payers.

Yes and they are a whole lot closer to China.

Absolutely

I’d go in a heartbeat but I am the type of person who moves somewhere without knowing the place with kids in tow (and as a single parent). Granted now half way across the world but it’s a great job, great salary and great country. It doesn’t have to be forever, why not commit to a couple of years, you’ve got years before you need to settle your DS down for secondary

I love New Zealand and personally would love to live there. BUT you have to decide what’s right for you.

Have you ever visited before? Which city would you be moving to? That makes a big difference. Also: biggest difference of all if you did consider going for it - how strong is yours and DH’s relationship?

How easy would it be to quit and come back if neither of you like the life out there?

being weird about China is one of NZ’s national sports but it’s just as stupid as rugby

That only works if you're both happy to leave when it comes time to leave.

IF he digs in and wants to stay, he could block OP taking the DCs out of the country and back to the UK with her.