Two of his exs have said the same thing. Would you ignore it?

[NooninJune]

I have found out that two exs of my partner have claimed that he was abusive towards them. They have not told me directly and it could be outing if I say how. Apparently it was emotional/psychology etc 'didn't leave visible marks' iyswim.

We have been together for a year and he has never been abusive towards me, although I have noticed that he does like things his way and doesn't like to be 'disobeyed' (his words).

Should I be concerned by what his exs have said? Or do I stay with him and judge him by my own experience of him?

Well, your own opinion of him should be negative, if you think a man saying he doesn't like to be disobeyed is not a red flag then I don't know what to tell you.

You should be worried.

OP, I know this is a horrid question but some women are drawn to this kind of behaviour because on some level they see it as strength or dominance and they're attracted to that. Not all women in abusive relationships, of course, but as nasty as it is, it is a thing.

Is this you? You've obviously spotted behaviour that you know isn't right and now you effectively have two shitty reviews on Trustpilot, but you're still there...

I have noticed that he does like things his way and doesn't like to be 'disobeyed' (his words).

Right, and do you agree with him that his penis means he’s your boss and you should obey him? Because if not, why the hell are you ok with this comment?

Is his initials AT? You know to get out, surely.

Run. NOW.

Run like the wind.

You can do better op. But you need a stronger shark cage

I’ve been with my (now) husband 15 years and not once has the word disobeyed come up. Run don’t walk tbh.

He sounds vile. I'd suggest the only reason he hasn't been abusive to you yet is because you haven't 'disobeyed' him. Unless you intend to agree with everything he ever says and does - like a complete doormat - then this isn't going to work. Get some self esteem and get out.

Fuck that for a laugh! Obeyed?! What era is he from sounds like an incel. Get rid OP

Abusive men often don’t show their true abusive selves until things stop going their way.

It sounds like you’re “ obeying” him so he’s being pleasant towards you.
Stop “ obeying “ and see what happens.

I would run !
A man wanting you to obey him indicates controlling behaviour.
The exes were right !

apologies...i guess i based my answers on my own experience.. i knew from the very beginning my new partner was a 'bad un'.. but it took me 18 months to realise the mess i had got myself in.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who had abused two other women, just because he hadn't abused me (yet). You may well be 'fortunate' enough not to have behaved in ways that trigger his abusive side or he may see you as a tougher target than them, but that doesn't mean he's a decent man worthy of a relationship with you.

Even judging on just his actions I'd throw this one back op. "Disobeyed", ha you can piss off mate!

End the relationship. End it now

He who must be obeyed! 🚩

Disobeyed? What are you, a dog?

I wouldn't be with someone who expected obedience from me. I think you need to listen to these people.

Wanting his own way and objecting to being disobeyed sounds like abuse to me.

Why would you stay around to find out?

Fuck me, this could not be more obvious. Run and do not look back.

I have noticed that he does like things his way and doesn't like to be 'disobeyed' (his words).

Never mind the exes.

Wtf are you doing with this dick?

Doesn't like to be 'disobeyed' my arse. Tell him to go fuck himself and raise your standards in men.

I wouldn't ignore it.
Good friend of mine made an observation about her husband in relation to his first wife. That on reflection some of his behaviour towards his ex was bullying/abusive. Guess what? Took a fair few years but he ended up behaving exactly the same towards her..

He wants you to obey him????!!!!

I would have kicked him out the minute I heard that!