3yo sent toilet on his own in preschool and he had an accident

[Lockdownmama2021]

My 3yo is potty trained, he has very rarely had accidents with wee and has never ever done a no2 in pants. He started preschool in April, prior to this he was at home with me. And even when he’s watching his fav movie he will tell me when he needs the toilet. Today he told a teacher he needs to go they sent him to the toilets on his own. And when they went to check he was standing there and he had pooped in his pants - when the teacher realised and took his pants down he then did wee which he was clearly holding in. Now I’m so shocked. He has never done that and they were trying to play it down but when I asked why no one went with him they said they usually do but were busy and some of their older kids can go independently and since he knows what to do they thought he can. I mean I feel like the teacher was downplaying their negligence, to me he’s just started preschool he never goes toilet alone at home I always go with him and guide him. I’m just getting a really uneasy feeling about his preschool as well I feel like my boy is very intimidated there and not his happy confident self and since going he’s become timid and quiet. I don’t know if I’m being overprotective or babying him too much. But sending a new kid to the toilets on his own is not right imo. Aibu?

once I move him I will leave a juicy google review for them

once I move him I will leave a juicy google review for them

What do,you mean once you move him? Why would you ever send him back if you thought they were neglectful, unprofessional and judgemental?

Thoughts and prayers for his future school!

You say he's toilet trained but you always go with him to guide him. That doesn't make sense. He should not need to be accompanied, he's becoming independent. So he had an accident. It happens, it's not a big deal. He's still learning. It does not mean that the staff were negligent, so stop fussing.

I think YANBU - hes 3 years old christ sake - i think go with your gut - sounds like they are a bit incompetent tbh. My 3 year old is at a private nursery and I know for a fact they accompany the kids to the loo even the ones that are potty trained and have been for a while

Omg, my DS isn't 2 yet, and obviously not toilet trained yet. I'm horrified he might get sent to the loo on his own, what if he's not used to being on his own. How likely is he to wash his hands.

Imo opinion, if it doesn't feel right in your gut, investigate changing preschool.

Get real.

You've taught your child well. He's now in the best free opportunity he will ever get in his life. A free education. And the opportunity for qualifications.

All children are at different stages. It was played down because accidents happen.

All children should be toilet trained before they start school - but not all children are and accidents always happen.

You're protective of your child. The teachers deal with all kinds of parents. Even the abusive ones.

But if your child is still in potty training age - you're still in the evaluation era to see if you're one of those parents who need extra support.

I'd suck it up. Support your child - who thanks to the teachers was not traumatised - and put this down to a coping with life on route to becoming an adult.

There's "entitlement" and there's realising the world is not wrapped in candyfloss and just getting on with things.

You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it is.

Quite! Sounds like he is a PFB.

My dc went to pre school at 21/2. They could only go if toilet trained and went to the toilets there themselves. By 3 a child with no SEN.if they are toilet trained should be able to go independently. I agree though that you expect accidents to happen at that age.

Genuinely I think you’re reacting to this for more than it is.
he had an accident, these happen and I’m very surprised there hasn’t been more given he’s only been there a matter of weeks. don’t get me wrong I do think they need accompanied for the first wee while when they start in a new setting but if he’s been capable before (you don’t know he hasn’t gone before on his own) then just maybe in a busy period thought he’d do ok himself.

the quietness whilst there is completely normal especially in the early days, he will come out his shell the more he’s there and around his teachers and peers. Likewise you will too! (I wasn’t keen on a couple of teachers at my kids preschool but grew to like them).

give it time, a few more weeks at least would be my advice ☺️

OP whilst I am sympathetic to your plight, you start this post off by saying ‘some messages are very judgemental’ then end the thread by being judgemental about your sons teachers yourself!

Firstly, there are aspects of this that haven’t been handled well by the pre school, or yourself. However, after 6 weeks of attending there they probably asssumed he was competent at going by himself unattended! Perhaps this should have been a discussion with you before this happened. Secondly, whilst it is 1:5, I would expect that there were probably other things happening which may have hampered them from attending to your son sooner 🤷‍♀️.
Thirdly, had you mentioned it at all in front of your son after it happened? Perhaps that’s why he keeps raising it.
i also don’t agree with the pre school for discussing it in front of him, usually with delicate matters, I take my parents to one side even out of ear shot of other parents if at all possible. However, the reaction he gave at that age is concerning…it sounds like he may be worried about getting in trouble, and that’s why he hid…but why? Doesn’t make sense to me…

Oh @Lockdownmama2021 be careful about leaving bad reviews…legal action may come your way. It’s happened to two people I know who left bad reviews…they were both threatened with cease and desists!!

So why were trained staff accompanying him and others every single time?

The OP said that he was only going to the toilet when the whole class was going. At those times, it is perfectly normal for the staff to go along as well.

I do have a slight bias here as my recently turned three year old is not potty trained (yes we have been trying). But the gist of many comments here surprises me, because it goes against what I have heard.

We don’t use any nursery or preschool yet and I hope we will have completed training by the time we do, but having spoken to some preschools none were concerned about taking a child who wasn’t trained. They said they can take time to help with training and can also deal with accidents. They said it’s just part of their job to change nappies or clothes as often as needed.

Also I know several people who have between them about 60-70 years experience working in early years childcare and I actually have asked them today when most kids would in their opinion go the toilet completely independently without anyone overseeing, and they said it varies but about five years old. They said OP’s son is doing really well.

In a way it’s all beside the point, because every child is different and if the nursery or preschool can’t accommodate that and/or be clear about it then they probably should not really be open.

Whatever people on here think OP’s child ‘should’ be doing is irrelevant. The preschool have been told about the stage he is at and have catered to it until they suddenly didn’t and then apparently handled the situation badly, including their communication with OP. Reading between the lines it doesn’t sound like a great preschool.

Did you tell them he couldn't use the toilet alone? This is on you.

One big you don’t seem to be getting.

he’s clearly not toilet trained. That means can use a toilet independently.

If you keep describing him as toilet trained, people will have unrealistic expectations.

Why don’t you just home school him. You sound like every teachers worst nightmare!

Exactly. There are babies who will use a toilet or potty and stay dry and clean with help. Actually toilet trained means they have been taught to toilet independently without needing to be coached through each step.

It's warm now so he can be in age 2-3 shorts or jogging bottoms a bit short so no fussing with buttons or drawstrings. There's time to teach buttons before ankle grazers are a problem.

No medal required, just took a few days off work and focused on potty training and thankfully rarely any accidents. But thanks for the mum of the year award! My kids think I’m great too.

my children are 22 and 20 , both are doing great at uni and grad jobs and we have a lovely life, thank you very much.

you don’t have to feel jealous or be sarcastic when you don’t like what you hear. you don’t come on a public forum if you are easily offended or if you want everyone to agree with you, but if being sarcastic makes you feel better about yourself, then carry on!

PFB?