To have another child so that my son with ASD has someone to look out for him when I'm not here

[Whattodo14]

I have been pondering this a lot lately. My son is 7 , an only child, has mild to moderate ASD, he doesn't have a learning disability and is quite bright but very delayed socially and emotionally and his ability to communicate is limited. For example he has no sense of danger and often goes into his own world when we are out so he needs supervised when outside so he doesn't accidentally walk out into a road when he's lost in thought. He also doesn't understand people can be manipulative and could take advantage of him.
I am 36, his dad is 40, we don't want another child but we are also worried about what could happen to him when he's older and we are not around. We don't have much family either so my son really would be on his own when we are both gone and I feel so guilty about this.
AIBU to have another child just for my own peace of mind and for him, so that he at least has a sibling when we are no longer here?

Massively unreasonable! You can’t bring a child into the world and condemn them to being a carer in the future! What if the second child turns out the same?

What happens if your second child is disabled and unable to look after themselves nevermind someone else. Are you going to have a 3rd to look after them both?

You can’t bring a child into this world just to care for another.

it should never be expected for siblings to become carers anyway but certainly not conceived just for that role

What if this next one has too? All 4 of mine have 😬

“…we don't want another child…”

Says it all! YABU.

What a fucking terrible idea.

And what if you have anyother child with ASD? More severe?

Also what if this sibling views themselves as the glass child and doenst want a realtionship with him?
What if they just don't get on?

Having another baby because you want another is fine

But birthing a child for a purpose they have no say in?

Just no. Absolutely not.

That is absolutely not reasonable.
As a mother with a SEN child I can sympathise with your worries but please put the thought of this out of your head and never think on it again.

You need to want another child for themselves however they are. With the risk they too could also be autistic.
And accepting that they may just not want to be a carer for their older sibling even if they are able to - which is their right.
If you can't accept all that and don't want another then I think it would be a very bad idea.

YABU- you cannot birth a child and then raise them to be their elder sibling’s lifetime carer.

Your DC can find a life partner. It will probably be someone with ASD and they will get along just fine in life.

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable, I understand some aspects of not wanting to leave your son on his own but to go ahead and have a child you don't really want and expect that child to become a future carer isn't fair at all. What if you have another child and the two don't get on? What is the younger child grows up, wants to have their own life and moves away? Having another child doesn't guarantee that your son will always have someone right there with him.

This is ridiculous. The younger sibling will have a life of their own and might live thousands of miles away. They're not going to be helping your older child cross the road.

In any event your current child is very likely to have any significant issues as an adult if they only have mild asd.

Wholes thought process is completely warped.

The other child may not have to be his carer but just check in on him and make sure he is ok and for my son to feel he has someone that he can call if he needs someone

In all likelihood he'll have his own family!

1. That is so unfair in the younger sibling
2. My younger daughter’s needs are more than my eldest

There's no way of knowing whether the new sibling would also have difficulties plus it would be incredibly unfair to expect them to care for their sibling.

Absolutely horrifying to put this onto a younger sibling. Truly, I am just stunned you’d consider this.

No! Just no! You are being beyond unreasonable.

Still no!

Awful idea to have a child and put that on them. They may not even get on and dislike each other.

My younger child also has more severe asd and ADHD than my older child..

Stop and think how much pressure just that expectation would put on him.

it’s your job as parents to make sure your child is safe and cared for not to expect them to be the carer.

I am a single mum to a disabled child, when he reaches adulthood I will make sure things are in place for his support but I would never have another child expecting them to do that.

Well, you are going to need someone to look after you and your husband when you’re elderly.
so you might as well and then they get the training in ready to look after their older brother too.

bloody horrendous.

You can’t guarantee the younger sibling would even want to ‘just check in on him’, especially if he knows that he was only conceived for that. YABU, please don’t have a child for this reason.