Awkward invite to OW/affair wedding

[Whoswhoof]

very very loose acquaintance in a professional sense (I’m not a friend, and didn’t think she thought of me as such) invited me to her wedding last week. The wedding is later this year, she’s not been engaged very long. I only see her at work every few weeks.

I was quite taken back (I don’t even know her DPs name or how long they’ve been together, barely even know her if I’m honest) I threw both questions into the conversation they’ve been “together” 3 years due to him having an affair with her, and only OPENLY together less than a year. I was spared no detail in how the breakup went and how they’ve ended up together. Her DP sounds like an arse if I’m honest. Not that the affair is any of my business but it all just seems a bit icky.

tons of red flags but basically she now wants me at her wedding and wants to build a friendship. She says she doesn’t have many friends.

we are colleagues so it’s important I don’t damage the professional relationship.

more of a wwyd.

I would be intrigued so would go to the wedding if I was free but it's up to you. I wouldn't judge but everyone has a back history when moving from one relationship to another.

I had an "overlap". Been married to the OM for 25 years.

I think you're being unfair to someone who has reached out to you as maybe they don't see you as being as judgey as the rest.

I'd go to the wedding to show you don't care. It must be difficult to find people who want to help you celebrate your day when you've an interesting back story. Imagine how her kids would feel if no one turned up to support their Mum on her wedding day.

And on the mischievous other hand, it sounds like it will be a fascinating wedding... 😂 You can have a front row seat!

Who on earth do you think you are?

Maybe she fancies your fella

It would be a no thanks from me

I'd go to the wedding to show you don't care

Did Op say she doesn’t care? Maybe she does care about attending a wedding where the couple started their “romance” through an affair? I certainly would want nothing to do with it and wouldn’t find it “fascinating”

If she thinks very few will attend her wedding and is worried about that she could always make it a small family affair.

Maybe she fancies your husband?

Someone might think your integrity is like hers.

Are people really that obsessed with what others think of them?

My DB’s first wife was an exotic dancer. She was engaged to a rich man she met whilst working. I have no idea whether he was married when she met him but judging by her morals, married men weren’t off limits. She did come from a poor and abusive background though, so I could see why she targeted rich men. She had few female friends too because she did seem hyper focussed on men to the detriment of women, at least whilst I knew her.

She could also be a good laugh, fun and a nice person.

Of course she is friendly. She was an escort for 12yrs!!! It's all she knows

Agree so judgemental let he who has no fault cast the first stone. I think it would be a kindness to go to her wedding. Speaking as someone who hardly has any friends I would go.

Do you like her?

Also can’t help wondering if she wants friends only for the wedding. Fill up her side of the venue and all that. In which case there’s a risk she might change her mind about wanting to be friends post event.

It's really funny to read posts from people accusing and judging others for being judgemental.

It's awkward to go to social invites out of obligation too. She can want what she wants, you don't have to want the same things.
I really think of us a distant work acquaintances, and I'm not looking for more friends, as I can't keep up with the ones I have. I'm not up for regular social time outside of work, thanks for the offer but it's a no. I wouldn't mind the occasion coffee on break though.

If you have only worked with her 4 times it doesnt sound like there is much of a professional relationship anyway. Be kind and just go, keep your outside interractions just once a month.

Can be polite or honest I prefer honest. Thanks fir the invite but I have to decline. You do not need an excuse or reason. As far as friends go I expect you currently have enough friends. Tell her that and just continue as before.

Make it clear to her that you're not open to being sociable out side of work - I got into a horrific situation with a colleague a few years ago; she had no friends and no life and latched onto me. She would text me about 70 times a night I ended up leaving my job to get away from her and blocked her on everything possible.

I simply wouldn’t go. Make an excuse if you don’t want to be honest. You barely know the woman, her DP sounds awful, the circumstances in which they got together are dire. Why would you go to a wedding that celebrates this?

She doesn’t know you well, and doesn’t have the right to expect you to go. Tell HR if she makes things awkward at work. Just say you’ve remembered it’s your Aunt’s birthday that weekend and don’t attend.

No way I’d go in such circumstances.

Really I think the affair is the least of the reasons not to go.

She is an over sharer. She has invited someone she barely knows who happens to be the company owner to her wedding, happens to have taken a shine to someone random who she barely knows who just happens to own the company.

Then appears to be using a bit of emotional manipulation to try and get the company owner to socialise with her by telling her how she doesn’t have many friends.

For me, I absolutely wouldn’t be forging a friendship in these circumstances.

I wouldn’t really care about how they got together etc ( yes , cheating is wrong etc but you don’t know any of them so it’s none of your business or concern ) .. but , I wouldn’t go unless I was interested in a friendship with her . Mainly because - like someone else said - a wedding where you only know the bride and aren’t close to her will be boring as hell! She will barely talk to you as she will have her family / friends there .

But , if a whole group from work are going then it might be a fun night !

That is exactly what I got from this. I think she "wants" to cozy up to the business owner/OP because she thins it will elevate her status. I would have trouble wanting to socialize with someone that "eager" to be BFFs. I think it would lead to trouble down the road (and have seen it in action).

Wow. A former sex worker! Oh no! Shame the woman!

Having a realtionship with a married person! Shouldn't she be made to wear a special outfit so people know what kind of hussy she is?

You lot are a disgrace.

Awkward! Friendship should come naturally not planning ahead 😂😂😂 I would just say I have a lot of commitments so will meet up if/when I can. Think you have already made your mind up that you don’t like her though so yeah difficult. Can’t be forced into friendship though

Why "scummy"?

Poor judgement in a partner maybe.
Definitely lonely, thus the invite.

But nothing indicates malicious, deceptive, entitled, thuggish or kleptomanic behaviour.

You owe her nothing. Do not go. Not your circus, not your monkey.

........or she is actually quite savvy and using you to validate and legitimise her upcoming union with the infidel.

By a work colleague (especially if you're in a senior position or of longstanding within the company) attending the nuptials it gives the appearance of acceptance or as aforementioned "legitimacy" to the relationship even if only in her mind.

Although you can't really decide which it is without getting to know her better. It's your call as to whether this is worth the time and effort of doing so.