Awkward invite to OW/affair wedding

[Whoswhoof]

very very loose acquaintance in a professional sense (I’m not a friend, and didn’t think she thought of me as such) invited me to her wedding last week. The wedding is later this year, she’s not been engaged very long. I only see her at work every few weeks.

I was quite taken back (I don’t even know her DPs name or how long they’ve been together, barely even know her if I’m honest) I threw both questions into the conversation they’ve been “together” 3 years due to him having an affair with her, and only OPENLY together less than a year. I was spared no detail in how the breakup went and how they’ve ended up together. Her DP sounds like an arse if I’m honest. Not that the affair is any of my business but it all just seems a bit icky.

tons of red flags but basically she now wants me at her wedding and wants to build a friendship. She says she doesn’t have many friends.

we are colleagues so it’s important I don’t damage the professional relationship.

more of a wwyd.

Well we get to the background of the situation,STEP BACK my friend,are you being sort of "Set-Up",for some,lets say future extra mural activities!,get the HELL out of their my Lady.Speaking as someone of the opposite -sex,and wary of this entrapment ,work yes out of work now F way thanks but no thanks sometimers be cruel to ber kind to ones self!

Why?

What does that even mean?

Oh I do love this!!

i would make sure she has some support.

due to her previous profession, and a friend of mine recently coming out as financially abused (he was weird, but she lied her ass off for him) I do worry about abuse. No idea how to help out with that, but as business owner you can at least cite the family assistance program.

i can only handle 3-4 good friends at any time, more than that and someone is getting neglected. I’d thank her for the wedding invite, it was very polite And kind. But Decline based on what you already said - you don’t know the groom, or the couple. Then explain you do think she’s cool, or whatever, but just don’t have time for another human. You are happy for the occasional lunch, but don’t want to sound like you’re making excuses every week when you’re legitimately busy and others need your time that you aren’t willing to neglect.

then initiate the first lunch in a month.

then hope she finds friends by month two.

If it's a big wedding I don't think it's strange.

If you don't want to be friends with her, it's probably better in the long run to just (politely) keep your distance and not encourage her. In my experience first impressions are right and you already have doubts or 'red flags' but I don't mean jumping to conclusions just more if you have your doubts respectfully keep your distance.

IMO you shouldn't need to be 'best friends' with someone to have a professional relationship with them.

She'll sure as he'll need you in a couple of years down the line, when he starts having another affair behind her back.
" Marrying the mistress leaves a vacancy"

I guess if somebody has been in an affair situation for a number of years- they can neglect friendships in favour of being available. So she may be consciously developing a new social life and working on friendships. If you like her and have time for her then no harm in giving it a go. But if it feels a bit awkward then maybe give it a kind swerve.