How to deal with the anxiety of finding out you were the butt of a groups joke

[lookingforadvice24]

Looking for some advice of how best to deal with the anxiety I’m currently feeling.

I have a small business in a tiny city. I done some digital marketing training with an expert a few years ago who told me that the way the human brain works we are much more likely to engage with people than products and if you include yourself in your small business posts they are likely to get 200 times the engagement. I pushed my discomfort around it aside and powered on and plastered myself all over the internet. My business is doing really well and we have grown from just me to 12 employees in 18 months.

Someone I briefly knew posted on social media about starting doing content creation for businesses and I thought our content could do with being a bit more polished. I reached out, we met up and I explained my thought process behind me wanting to appear in the content off the advice of this marketing expert and how I now felt it was what I had built my business up around. The content was really good and she seemed lovely but it was demanding quite a bit of my time to get the content stuff done and I already felt totally at my capacity so I didn’t continue working with her.

Fast forward to today, I get a message from a friend saying the content girl had gone on a girls trip and she had heard from a girl on the trip that they played a game of seeing who could buy each other the silliest phone case. The girl told my friend that the content creators friend bought her a phone case with a photo of me on it. I then see she puts up a post of the trip saying ‘mine was the best but Isn’t for social media but it has someone very FAMOUS on it’ (the famous was in capitals) so they are obviously taking the piss out of my for my business content stuff I post.

I feel so humiliated, I am feeling anxious at the moment anyway waiting for the results from hospital about something serious and I just feel like this might be the straw to break me. I can bare the thought of being the butt of the joke like that. I just feel so embarrassed.

My business is my only income as a single parent and I believe the content stuff really works and is a big part of my businesses success. I can’t bare the thought of going back online tomorrow knowing they are all slating me in their group chats. It’s such a horrible feeling. These women are in their 30’s with daughters.

All my friends are sleeping to ask for advice at this time. Hoping someone on internet will be up to give any tips on how to try and forget this.

What can I do? How do I feel better? There is no point in confronting her is there? I barely know her anyway and it will just add fuel to the fire I would imagine.

Thanks for reading anyway x

Think of every successful woman in the public eye. Now think of how many times you've read something cruel about them. Now think about which position you'd rather be in. That of a woman who's put herself out there and lifted herself from invisibility, or that of someone who didn't go after their dreams and get noticed in the process. Because unfortunately, the world being as it is, the more visible you are, the greater your chances of being the target for someone's unkindness. The best advice is to accept that as the trade off for your success, and learn to ignore it.

You're right, people engage with people, and you can turn this to your advantage.

Make it into piece of content, a personal story.

Turn it into an example, a disussion around what might lead to bullying behaviour. What might lie beneath it and drive it. How you felt initially, honestly and authentically, and how you're processing the experience. Ask if others have encountered this themselves. It will help you deal with it.

With any luck they'll see it and realise they're being vile. And wonder what drove them to do it.

I'll bet they're envious of your visibility and the results your approach is having for you.

There's a person who sometimes gets ripped apart on here who's getting t shirts printed with the best trolling examples she's received, in her engaging discussions on why people choose to bully.

It's pretty shit that people on this thread accused you of doing MLM. as if women can't run successful businesses on their own that aren't MLM.

Well it sounds like she was giving you free advertising space on holiday!

Op just sit on this knowledge. At some point you'll probably come into contact with content creator again and if she's on her phone (like most people are much of the time) you can say "lovely to see you! Although I'm a bit disappointed you've not using the phone case with my face on it". Make her squirm! By the time you get this opportunity you genuinely won't give a shit about any of this so it will come out light-hearted, unlike anything you're tempted to say now.

To each their own. I think that if you run a business you need to be able to cope with this kind of situations and ten times tougher even. People will criticise you and your products. It is part and parcel of the process.

If you are not prepared to deal with this, then you are simply not cut out for the ruthless cutthroat world of entrepreneurship.

She sounds like a twat…. You have a thriving business.
Feel pity for her, don’t give it any more thought and move on.

This is hideously bad advice. Bringing petty personal problems into your professional social media just leaves a bad impression on your potential clients/customers and makes you look a bit wet.

If anyone taking the piss out of the OP sees it they won't feel bad, they'll just have more ammunition to make fun.

I agree. It’s bad advice. And your reasons are sound. I hope OP doesn’t go down this road.

When I buy something it is a bit of a treat. I want it to be a positive pleasant experience. I ideally want to deal with positive pleasant people. Under no circumstances do I want to put up with hearing about some petty drama or some plea to stop bullying or about somebody's health battles. I just don't. Please don't put anything on your business site about this.

Absolutely. They'll mock harder and I'd instantly mute her for posting cringey "validate me" teen drama. It is indeed terrible advice.

Not to mention it might start a flame war, which the other woman might enjoy but the OP probably couldn't cope with.

i think you should try and make a joke back? Pretend you are launching some merch including phone cases ajd post on social

I'd get one of your staff to look for some technical/ legal advice about copyright for images of you. I'm a lawyer in a different field so don't know the answer but I don't think it's ok for people to take your image to print on a phone case.

It's a 'joke' this time but somebody with malicious intent could probably do something worse so it's worth planning how to make that harder for them (? watermarks on pictures ? copyright notice etc).

I wouldn't do or say anything to or about her till you've taken steps to reduce the likelihood of similar happening again. And treat it as a work problem your staff can help with rather than as personal embarrassment.

I wouldn’t be embarrassed- you have nothing to be embarrassed about - I would be furious and let the content creator know that you will not be recommending her product or her services to anyone due to her unprofessional manner!

Personally I’d be wary of the “friend” who told you this. Anyone who puts themselves out in public from the lady who runs your local shop, to the “”linkedinfluencers” will have someone (or a group) who take against them.

it’s really mean spirited of someone to tell you about it to be honest, as it happens - but we don’t need to know thank you

I'm really sorry you're upset, I can sense you're really hurt.

Could you try to twist the narrative in your mind as something fun you could laugh off. That would show a huge amount of self awareness in their small bitchy minds.

One thing I've learned is that everyone likes the person who can laugh at themselves. I'd try to capitalise on it some way even it's just socially.

for you, I would agree that ignoring it and feeling glad that you aren't so petty and pathetic would be the best way. Seriously it just seems like such a completely ridiculous way to react to someone you briefly worked with, and, pertinently, not in the slightest bit funny given most of the people she was away with probably didn't know who you were. Just imagine trying to explain it 'Oh it's a photo of a random woman who posts a lot of content about her business online.' 'Oh...right...lol?'

However from an objective POV I do feel that other people thinking of hiring this woman should have a heads up that if you hire her to do some work she might end up taking the piss out of you! So if she does have to be registered to a professional network or something I would be tempted to raise concerns, or alternatively just give a negative review (albeit not going into details) on her website or google reviews or anything she uses. But depends whether its worth the potential fallout/headspace for you.

Also just to reiterate everyone who has said going from a personal business to 12 employees in 18 months is amazing! While I don't think making a 'thing' about it on your social media now is necessarily the best idea, I can imagine this is the sort of story you might mention in the future if you ever give a talk to school/uni students about building your own business or an interview to a local paper/mention in your autobiography when you become the next Alan Sugar - it shows the jealousy of people who can't deal with others' success....
As eminent philosopher Taylor Swift once said, haters gonna hate, hate, hate...and she seems to be doing alright for herself!

How totally unprofessional of her.

I would do this!

Did you see the post on insta by Lucy Jo Hudson a few months ago addressing comments around why she was doing a travel business in between acting jobs? I thought she addressed the comments well and it was not at all self pitying.

They sound sooo jealous of you OP!!

You’re brave and the world is full of nasty cowards like this girl.

Don’t give her any headspace.

Having been trolled on social media within the last few days, I know how you feel. I would call her out publicly, then block.

Your success has made you the focus of envy, especially as it has been quick.
Be very very proud of yourself.

Sometimes we jump to the negative because of where our head is at.

You CAN choose how to take this, as a dig at you, or as a nod to the fact that you have grown a very successful business quickly.

She may be put out that you chose not to move forward with her, but if so, you were right as she could be a very indiscreet unprofessional person.

Your health worries have elevated your anxiety, understandably.
Do some deep breathing.
Look at head tapping to reduce your anxiety and maybe listen to some of the f bilateral music that is very de-stressing and soothing.

I wouldn't dream of referring to what has happened, and should anyone else mention it, make out you are so flattered by it.

No one can force YOU, to think badly of yourself. Big smile and fake it till you make it.

I really hope you get good health news.
Worry does awful things to the mind.

I have experienced similar issues… one thing I have learned (if this is of any use) is when you are successful or becoming successful, people won’t be happy. It’s weird as if you are not successful, people won’t necessarily want to associate with you either, but you’re more tolerable cause you’re not a “threat” to them. When you start being successful, they draw parallels to themselves and feel like they’re behind in life. And instead of looking inwards as to what they can do better, they take out their lack of progress on you, ie do you deserve your success or not.

This content girl was upset that you didn’t take her advice or didn’t funnel your funds into her business. She feels snubbed that you did it without her. She feels angry that you didn’t need her business.

Realistically you are not trying to be famous, you are promoting your business and propping up your livelihood so who cares about her comments on fame. You’re getting paid and managing to paying others regardless. Plus honestly there’s nothing wrong with seeking fame if that makes sense, because you’re increasing the visibility of your brand and making it personable which is working for you.

I would tell yourself that deep down there was a reason you didn’t proceed with her services. Something didn’t feel right. And now you are fully proven right in your suspicions, because she’s proven the type of person she is

More than likely this person is on Mumsnet, so she will already be aware.

Contact her directly and ask where you can buy some of her merch. "Don't need a phone case, love, but do you have any tumblers with my face on? A mug with my mug on it?"

Haven’t read everything, I’d print a load of phone cases and give them away or sell them. Like they do with pens or key rings etc. Make a success of that. And then gloat about it on one of your public posts.

you can have a lot of fun with this 😁

Ignore.
You stopped working with her because your 6th sense picked up on something off about her.
All of the above.