How to deal with the anxiety of finding out you were the butt of a groups joke

[lookingforadvice24]

Looking for some advice of how best to deal with the anxiety I’m currently feeling.

I have a small business in a tiny city. I done some digital marketing training with an expert a few years ago who told me that the way the human brain works we are much more likely to engage with people than products and if you include yourself in your small business posts they are likely to get 200 times the engagement. I pushed my discomfort around it aside and powered on and plastered myself all over the internet. My business is doing really well and we have grown from just me to 12 employees in 18 months.

Someone I briefly knew posted on social media about starting doing content creation for businesses and I thought our content could do with being a bit more polished. I reached out, we met up and I explained my thought process behind me wanting to appear in the content off the advice of this marketing expert and how I now felt it was what I had built my business up around. The content was really good and she seemed lovely but it was demanding quite a bit of my time to get the content stuff done and I already felt totally at my capacity so I didn’t continue working with her.

Fast forward to today, I get a message from a friend saying the content girl had gone on a girls trip and she had heard from a girl on the trip that they played a game of seeing who could buy each other the silliest phone case. The girl told my friend that the content creators friend bought her a phone case with a photo of me on it. I then see she puts up a post of the trip saying ‘mine was the best but Isn’t for social media but it has someone very FAMOUS on it’ (the famous was in capitals) so they are obviously taking the piss out of my for my business content stuff I post.

I feel so humiliated, I am feeling anxious at the moment anyway waiting for the results from hospital about something serious and I just feel like this might be the straw to break me. I can bare the thought of being the butt of the joke like that. I just feel so embarrassed.

My business is my only income as a single parent and I believe the content stuff really works and is a big part of my businesses success. I can’t bare the thought of going back online tomorrow knowing they are all slating me in their group chats. It’s such a horrible feeling. These women are in their 30’s with daughters.

All my friends are sleeping to ask for advice at this time. Hoping someone on internet will be up to give any tips on how to try and forget this.

What can I do? How do I feel better? There is no point in confronting her is there? I barely know her anyway and it will just add fuel to the fire I would imagine.

Thanks for reading anyway x

She's fuming you didn't work with her, sounds like you've been very successful and so might have been good for her but she fumbled the job so is taking the piss out of you to make herself feel better. She's refusing to see it was her poor service and pretending it's because you think you can do it better alone. Complete jealousy OP. If she comes up in conversation with any other businesses I would make sure to let them know his unprofessional she is. But other than that I'd ignore her

You are so right CountingCrones - the loudmouth is to blame more than anyone. Imo she was shit stirring and it was nasty.
Over the years I have learned to ask ‘why are you telling me this?’ But when I was younger I would have been upset.

I’d report her business if I’m honest. If she’s going around saying that about someone she’s worked with- she’s far from professional

Yes, the one who told her what was said is the one in the wrong, but still, I don’t think the content creator covers herself in glory if she posted on social media a cryptic post saying her gift was the best but can’t post what it is, seems like she’s on a piss take there, trying to provoke questions

I think it says more about her than it does about you. I mean that's effort to have your photo put on a phone case - if I was her friend I would be wondering why she is so over invested in you....reeks of jealousy. Take it as a compliment she has you on her mind so much!

But the OP (or indeed anyone not on the trip) would have had no idea what was being referred to if the blabbermouth gossip friend hadn’t told her.

I also agree that the friend shouldn't have told OP what happened. It's such an unnecessary thing to do and serves no other purpose than to make her feel bad. I would never hurt a friend like that. DS1's friend did something similar recently, but at 15, he can be forgiven. But I did make sure DS knew that, while the information he received was hurtful, it might have been nicer of his friend not to mention it.

The content creator sounds like a dreadful, unprofessional and immature person and I wouldn't give her another second's thought. People like that never change.

What kind of business is it @lookingforadvice24 ? I just wonder what you mean by "employ" when you say you have gone from just yourself to 12 employees.... as in with contracts, paying tax and NI, proving a pension etc? If so, then this whole situation needs to bounce off you. The woman is entirely irrelevant and clearly won't be duplicating your success.

I do wonder though if you mean "employees" like in a MLM. In which case if she's part of that world too then it's toxic AF. Best advice is to leave the whole sorry environment.

It sounds like some kind of running joke aimed at the content creator, not you.

Maybe when she got you as a client, she bounced a few ideas off the rest of them, and one of them was a phone case. They they all took the piss as no-one is going to buy a phone case with the picture of a small business owner.

No, do not do this. All it will do is bring attention to the mean girls and show them it bothered you.

Two things I would like you to remember:
Cream always rises to the top.
You cannot control what someone does or says about you, only your reaction to it. Which should be none.

Definitely not an mlm! 12 members of staff on salaries, pensions and NI contributions being made 😂

Your comments are all so kind and I woke up this morning, read them all and going to try and put what's happened out my mind as much as possible!

So one cannot buy phone cases with your image on?
She downloaded your image and printed it ?

That's very strange behaviour.

The online world is full of petty spite and jealousy.

She sounds bitchy, and it's an inane thing to have done.

You need to grow a thicker skin, for goodness sake!
It is just a stupid harmless joke. And free advertising, by the way!
If you plaster your face all over the Internet like you say, you should have expected this kind of things could happen.
I would frown upon some harassment or offensive comment, but to get hurt by this is frankly bloody ridiculous.

Really? You must be an interesting character not to be really upset at being the butt of this joke. I think it’s normal to be upset and not at all normal to react in the way you say you would have.

Post of the day, absolutely perfect!
This is definitely the way to look at it.
Dreadfully sad that grown women try to drag another woman down,
it's because you're winning at life, do you hear me? WINNING!!!!
Shine that crown, chin up & tits out, be proud of yourself ❤️

Fantastic work! Never EVER underestimate what you have achieved. I see you feeling like you need to explain yourself and justify your approach. You really don't. The proof is in the results. You owe nobody an explanation.

Cheering you on from the internet!

I'd try and see it as a huge success. Your campaign has obviously worked, you've gained lots of attention and they're all talking about you. These are all what you set out to achieve.

The nastyiness is precisely because you've been so successful, unfortunately other's success can bring out the worst in some people. Take it as a compliment.

First congratulations on your success and well done for your hard work.

Second, being hurt by this is normal, what she did was shitty and just nasty. I would be gutted, too.

I agree with others that it is an unfortunate consequence of putting your face online. The other side of this is that “no publicity is bad publicity” and it is a chance to get a thicker skin. As the poster above me said, your success brought out the worst in her. I like that way of phrasing it.

Two options.

The first is she was just joking and you have taken it all too seriously, since this is third hand hearsay that's quite possible. In which case, approaching her will make you look like a neurotic fool.

The second is she is a bully and enjoyed mocking you, in which case approaching her will give her ammunition to mock you further.

Don't say a word about it, and don't allude to it in any way. You are going to have to be much thicker skinned if you're using yourself to market your brand.

It's not very nice, but in the scheme of things it's a nothing burger. Ignore completely.

I agree 100%

I wouldn't do that, I always think it's a bit unprofessional and tacky when people post such personal stuff. You could do a generic let's empower each other thing. If it was me I'd be posting myself EVErY DAY

I feel sorry for the friend here who is getting a bit of a bashing.

She probably assumed OP would find out somehow and thought it would be better to hear from someone close.

Also it's the kind of thing you need to know in a small town, so you know not to trust certain people going forward or assume they have your best interests at heart.

It's a horrible thing to do, I can't believe some people don't think it's a big deal.

Nah sorry I'd have to say something. I wouldn't post anything online I would message this woman privately and call her out on it calmly. Fuck that, what a nasty thing to do. Honestly as a woman I sometimes despair of how pathetic and bitchy a group of women can sometimes be.

It's one thing to have a gossip or a joke about someone to a friend and it goes no further, but to actually print a phone case and a cryptic message online over this really personal and nasty 'joke' about someone is a horrible and nasty thing to do.

She is stupid aswell to think this wouldn't get back to you as it clearly has now and really upset you.

Love this approach! Love the attitude!

Shes the one with the issue - not you!

You are the successful one!

Congrats on making a good life for yourself…. As for her?
Pffttt…. Irrelevant x

this .

What really strikes me about her behaviour is that it is a very foolish mistake to mock previous clients and share on social media. As it would be very offputting to me if I was a future client. I'd think she was very immature, lacking in good business sense and respect for the people she works with. Its her that looks shit in this episode - not you!.

As I understand it, you were working with her, it took up too much of your time and you stopped working for her.

Maybe that stung her pride a bit and she complained to her friend. This must happen all the time in business. It is probably a one off and not ongoing. Next week it will be another client. This woman was not your friend. She was your employee for a time. Its NOT personal.

It might even be that her friend was trying to say "God stop going on about it" with the phone case. She probably never thought you'd even hear about it.

I wouldn't dwell on how nasty etc... since as many have said you don't know the content. You don't know that they all hate you. In some ways it could also have been that her friends thought she was so focused on her clients that they were laughing at HER.
You don't know. So forget about it. What does it matter what they think? Who are they to you. No one. You are already successful in your own right. Keep going as you are... its clearly working!! and don't let silly idiots drag you down with their unimaginative girls night humour.
For all you know, she might have found her friend's joke a bit offensive and was styling it out to show she didn't care. I bet in the cold hard light of day she's regretting posting this about a client.
If this is a one off, just ignore her and move on - you don't know the context and it really is beneath your notice.