How to deal with the anxiety of finding out you were the butt of a groups joke

[lookingforadvice24]

Looking for some advice of how best to deal with the anxiety I’m currently feeling.

I have a small business in a tiny city. I done some digital marketing training with an expert a few years ago who told me that the way the human brain works we are much more likely to engage with people than products and if you include yourself in your small business posts they are likely to get 200 times the engagement. I pushed my discomfort around it aside and powered on and plastered myself all over the internet. My business is doing really well and we have grown from just me to 12 employees in 18 months.

Someone I briefly knew posted on social media about starting doing content creation for businesses and I thought our content could do with being a bit more polished. I reached out, we met up and I explained my thought process behind me wanting to appear in the content off the advice of this marketing expert and how I now felt it was what I had built my business up around. The content was really good and she seemed lovely but it was demanding quite a bit of my time to get the content stuff done and I already felt totally at my capacity so I didn’t continue working with her.

Fast forward to today, I get a message from a friend saying the content girl had gone on a girls trip and she had heard from a girl on the trip that they played a game of seeing who could buy each other the silliest phone case. The girl told my friend that the content creators friend bought her a phone case with a photo of me on it. I then see she puts up a post of the trip saying ‘mine was the best but Isn’t for social media but it has someone very FAMOUS on it’ (the famous was in capitals) so they are obviously taking the piss out of my for my business content stuff I post.

I feel so humiliated, I am feeling anxious at the moment anyway waiting for the results from hospital about something serious and I just feel like this might be the straw to break me. I can bare the thought of being the butt of the joke like that. I just feel so embarrassed.

My business is my only income as a single parent and I believe the content stuff really works and is a big part of my businesses success. I can’t bare the thought of going back online tomorrow knowing they are all slating me in their group chats. It’s such a horrible feeling. These women are in their 30’s with daughters.

All my friends are sleeping to ask for advice at this time. Hoping someone on internet will be up to give any tips on how to try and forget this.

What can I do? How do I feel better? There is no point in confronting her is there? I barely know her anyway and it will just add fuel to the fire I would imagine.

Thanks for reading anyway x

Maybe you should start selling merch

Just ignore it - you don't know for sure what even happened, "friend of a friend" info is hardly going to have the detail and nuance of the original event (if it's even correct at all!).

You know your approach was successful, it's there in black and white from your business performance, it simply doesn't matter what this person thinks!

OP completely ignore this person and don’t bring it up and don’t waste another second worrying about it and do not post anything about it on your business page. ( whilst people love the drama it won’t be good for the business)

you have some amazing achievements under your belt, don’t let some stupid woman who knows nothing about you make you doubt yourself or affect your confidence. Unfortunately one of the risks of putting yourself out there is people saying what they want about you but remember what they say about you, has more to say about them than you.

let your success speak for itself.

I would make it your own. Make the merch with your face on, advertise them saying that you don’t want to miss out on all of the fun!

Dear me no! Don't do that.

Rise above it.

Also

The girl told my friend that the content creators friend bought her a phone case with a photo of me on it. this isn't very reliable and even if it it is the content creator had the sense to not show you on social media.

I’d be tempted to post something pointed but vague like: “there will always be haters…. Let’s lift one another up, and not waste our energy putting others down. Happy Monday everyone!”

Nooo don't do the cringe Facebook status thing.

Seriously OP you're best off pretending it's water off a ducks back but keeping the card to hand in case you need it later

Dear OP,
Some people are not nice and this is a woman who feels you "let her down" by not going forward with your collaboration. She feels slighted/envious and putting you down is her way to deal with it. You can look yourself in the mirror everyday knowing you are a decent human being. Look out for others like yourself and blur the immatures, spiteful individuals.

It sounds like bitterness and jealousy on her part. Just be thankful you didn’t end up working with someone so mean and immature.
Huge congratulations on your success. Focus on that rather than this bitch.

This is the way to go - own it and be proud of what you’ve achieved. And look at it this way - all publicity is good publicity. There will have been people in the room who didn’t know you before now, and this may have directed them to your web site or to have told someone else about you. There is a very successful instagrammer called Madeleine White. She once said that being a content creator became a lot easier once she stopped worrying what other people thought of her and started to enjoy just being herself. Not everyone will like your content, and lots of people may be rude and mean, but that’s who they are, not who you are.

As long as you are reaching who you want to reach the rest is just fluff and nonsense. This woman is really not worth wasting your time and energy thinking about. You are doing brilliantly well and her behaviour will stem from jealousy and mean mindedness. What she thinks of you is nothing to do with you. Let her get on with it while you build your successful business.

And no, definitely do not do this unless you want 100 U OK, hun? messages back 😂

For heavens sake, just ignore.

Either she's jealous of your success or she feels you wasted her time.

Wow OP your business sounds like it’s really taken off. Just ignore, it’s not worth engaging, plus you are busy growing your empire, you don’t have time for fools.

This is a sign of success… when jealous people begin trolling. I’m not even kidding- bullies can get FAR worse than this- it’s one of the reasons I am not in the entertainment business any more.
have some success, and they come out in droves to try to pull you down.

don’t respond. On the outside, take no notice. Shrug and smile, if anyone asks you about it. “Not my problem,” is the line to perfect and learn, no matter what you feel inside.

I say this from experience of trying to reach people, trying to remind them I am a human being… it did not go well.

head up, rise above, put any angst into your work, and snub that woman from now on if she asks for help of any kind.

it’s really good when they show you who they are, so you don’t waste energy on them.

big hugs. Keep going. Put a Taylor swift song on (I personally love “karma” or “vigilante shit” for empowerment after this kind of thing) and dance.

it’s time to build some armor, because feeling good about what you do is WORTH it.

(and yes - I quit the performing arts for the most part, although I still get jobs from time to time, and I found a much better career- and the lessons I learned from the niche cult following type “fame” I still have, are serving me so well in my new work. It’s all worth it, but it’s hell and it hurts.)

I think I'd need to say something to her but I wouldn't address it on your social media. You could send her a screenshot on an email of what you'd seen and say something like "Dear Miss content creator, I thought I'd email as I've it appears I've been made the butt of one of your jokes. Please be aware that while I'm not going to put this on social media, your actions have been thoughtless and hurtful and reflect badly on your professionalism, especially for woman in a very saturated market as this. This is not how you treat a client and it reflects badly on you. I'll move on but will not be recommending your services to anybody."
Thanks

I would be tempted to write on the post

'I heard all about your phone case and the 'famous' face 😆. I fully understand why you wouldn't want your clients to see it on social media!!''

OP, the others are right - don't say or do anything. Your anxiety around it is making you feel like you need to do something but all you'd be doing is making something which is very private into something that is very public. And once that cat is out of the bag you can't control it and you could damage your reputation and business.

You have built your business so quickly because people trust and respect you. Don't undo that!

I'm never convinced by "she's just jealous and bitter" arguments. Maybe she was a bit pissed off you didn't go with her or whatever and she and her friend have just been taking the piss lightheartedly because it is something that is in their recent consciousness. It could have been anyone or anything.

Think of all those people who've had photos of themselves turned into Internet memes of various incarnations over the past decade or so - I can think of a few. No one who makes those is giving those people a second thought as individuals. I'm not saying it's OK to do that because I think some of them will have been quite hurtful but people laugh without intending any malice towards the individual.

Have you really never just taken the piss out of someone or something and not really given it a second thought?

Yes to this.
It's a horrible thing to do and there's no way I could "own it" or see it as a joke as some suggest. Your own image is very personal.
She is allegedly a businesswoman same as you, that's a stupid way for her to behave, it's doing her a favour to point that out. Horrible woman.

Don’t do anything- I can imagine how you feel having recently really boobooed in company - thing is it’s something I said not something someone else said or did.
That was 2months ago and I still feel bad every day - the memory will fade though (soon I hope).
Orher people will have forgotten already -too busy thinking about themselves - don’t prolong it at all by justifying or explaining.

Please don't address it on your stories. It is a private matter if you are not wanting to confront her don't do it via social media in a crypt post. You will be as bad as her using her for your gain/ likes.

It does sound like you need to step away from social media. It is not real life.

They will also send around your stories and talk about you more. Don't add fuel to the fire.

Address it with her directly if you need to.

Have a T-shirt made with your own face on it - then do some content and say that you’d heard that someone you previously had worked with (in a professional capacity)thought it was funny to put your photo on their phone cover as a joke! Then say that there is no such thing as bad publicity!
Don’t let one stupid person stop you from achieving your goals!

Don’t address it at all. If this is true then she will be looking for a reaction. That is the whole point of her doing what she’s done. She’s just a jealous person and she probably won’t be the last because petty competition is unfortunately part and parcel of life. It’s her with the problem. Ignore her completely.

I'd be tempted to post something like "Something happened recently that made me wonder if I should start selling merch - personalised phone case anyone? 🤔🤣... not really, but thanks for all the support everyone; proud that my business is expanding and looking forward to growing it even further."

I’d have turned it into content. 🤷‍♀️

As others have said here: congratulations. You have made a success of growing a small business which is absolutely huge. You should be incredibly proud.

I think in terms of how you deal with your feelings towards this —arsehole— woman, don’t react publicly at all. There’s no upside to you whatsoever in doing this. I wouldn’t contact her al all although I can see why it’s tempting.

But quietly feel pity and contempt for her. Women are often socialised to direct anger and upset inward at themselves. In no way should you be feeling anxious because this woman has behaved badly. She is the one who should feel bad. Not you. Turn that bad feeling back where is belongs.