How to deal with the anxiety of finding out you were the butt of a groups joke

[lookingforadvice24]

Looking for some advice of how best to deal with the anxiety I’m currently feeling.

I have a small business in a tiny city. I done some digital marketing training with an expert a few years ago who told me that the way the human brain works we are much more likely to engage with people than products and if you include yourself in your small business posts they are likely to get 200 times the engagement. I pushed my discomfort around it aside and powered on and plastered myself all over the internet. My business is doing really well and we have grown from just me to 12 employees in 18 months.

Someone I briefly knew posted on social media about starting doing content creation for businesses and I thought our content could do with being a bit more polished. I reached out, we met up and I explained my thought process behind me wanting to appear in the content off the advice of this marketing expert and how I now felt it was what I had built my business up around. The content was really good and she seemed lovely but it was demanding quite a bit of my time to get the content stuff done and I already felt totally at my capacity so I didn’t continue working with her.

Fast forward to today, I get a message from a friend saying the content girl had gone on a girls trip and she had heard from a girl on the trip that they played a game of seeing who could buy each other the silliest phone case. The girl told my friend that the content creators friend bought her a phone case with a photo of me on it. I then see she puts up a post of the trip saying ‘mine was the best but Isn’t for social media but it has someone very FAMOUS on it’ (the famous was in capitals) so they are obviously taking the piss out of my for my business content stuff I post.

I feel so humiliated, I am feeling anxious at the moment anyway waiting for the results from hospital about something serious and I just feel like this might be the straw to break me. I can bare the thought of being the butt of the joke like that. I just feel so embarrassed.

My business is my only income as a single parent and I believe the content stuff really works and is a big part of my businesses success. I can’t bare the thought of going back online tomorrow knowing they are all slating me in their group chats. It’s such a horrible feeling. These women are in their 30’s with daughters.

All my friends are sleeping to ask for advice at this time. Hoping someone on internet will be up to give any tips on how to try and forget this.

What can I do? How do I feel better? There is no point in confronting her is there? I barely know her anyway and it will just add fuel to the fire I would imagine.

Thanks for reading anyway x

She’s a bitch. Well done on your success

Just be glad you didn’t take your professional relationship any further with her

I just wanted to pop on and say how sorry I am to read what this woman did. How incredibly mean and hurtful.

I agree with the advice not to respond. People who dont know dont need to know.

Hugs xxx

People don’t play stupid petty games for no ends. The whole point of that kind of behaviour is to knock OP down a peg or two to other people, to get a kick out of making OP doubt herself and ruin her self esteem or attempt to blacken her name. By reacting to it, OP gives the silly clown the satisfaction of knowing she has hurt her and she will rub her hands with glee while OP sinks to her level. It’s worked as OP is embarrassed and upset, but she shouldn’t make that known to be used against her.

I think you need to understand that this isn’t really anything to do with you or what you’ve done. She sounds really pissed off that you decided not to work with her. She has clearly decided to take this personally and has probably been mean about you and how you thought you were ‘too famous’ to need her services, rather than understanding that you just didn’t have the time to give to her. She has decided that it must be you at fault, rather than the way her business works being incompatible with your needs and has obviously made a big thing about this with her friends. Do not make that same mistake by taking it personally.

The perfect revenge would be to ignore it and carry on doing exactly what you’re doing (whatever it is, it is clearly working for you). Keep on growing your business and being successful. Don’t concern yourself with the hurt feelings of someone who has bitched to their friends about you because of her own insecurities. Let’s be honest here, if she’s bitching about her clients, that’s going to get out. It’s already getting out. You don’t need to do anything here; she’ll be the architect of her own downfall.

Exactly this.

They'll have moved on and possibly even taken the piss out of someone else already.

It's hurtful to the OP but it was just a silly game - a joke between friends - it needs to stay as that.

I always think people like this are making themselves look a dick. All that's required from you is to ignore it!

Honestly if I saw this I'd just think, how mean, she's someone to avoid. I probably wouldn't say anything but I'd be thinking it.

People don’t play stupid petty games for no ends.

Of course they do! They do stupid stuff to make each other laugh. It's not intended to go any further.

The OP only knows about it because someone else told her. if they'd said nothing, the OP would be none the wiser.

Tbh, if she gave the OP a quote and the OP didn't take her up on it or didn't engage in her services any further, it was most likely to be a daft joke between them to make her friend feel a bit better about it.

Essentially, her friend might just have been doing what all the people offering advice on here are doing - offering a way to take her mind off it and bolster someone else's confidence.

It desnt need to be taken any further.

For a laugh? Yes that’s the whole point though. Laughing at her in front of other people is an attempt to bring her down and make her look silly. It’s competitive. That’s the goal. People don’t do things when there is nothing in it for them, even if that ‘thing’ is their own satisfaction at having tarnished someone else.

Someone told OP, but the other person probably knew there was a chance it would get back to her.

Honestly if I saw this I'd just think, how mean, she's someone to avoid. I probably wouldn't say anything but I'd be thinking it.

Exactly- and how embarrassing for her that she's meant to be the "expert" in that field and someone with no experience out played her and got success without her input! It couldn't be more obvious that she's feeling rubbish that OP didnt need her and sorted it out herself. She's incredibly stupid because for her own business, it reflects really badly on her and I wouldnt seek out someone for content creation who engages in juvenile nonsense like that and pokes fun at potential clients. You never burn bridges in business- the OP could have recommended her to others if she hadn't behaved like a 12 year old.

Feel sorry for her, she's made herself look like a right dick

Sometimes the most beautiful people are the most fragile and insecure. What have they got when their beauty goes....

Meanwhile you're a success. They are just jealous if anything, or perhaps it's just a joke at the other girls expense rather than yours as someone else said.

I'd be inclined to ignore. No good can come of getting involved. If they are bitches they will be gossiping over that involvement "oh did you hear what she said..." !

No better to let go. Who cares what they think. All of us on MN are proud of your achievements. Well done. You're doing great. They're just jealous and shallow.

OP don’t imagine that everybody in the group is agreeing with her. If someone I knew did this, I would consider them mean, petty, spiteful and probably jealous. I would wonder why they had taken the time to do such a mean thing. She has shown herself to be unpleasant.

You will come out the bigger person. Do not react to it, however tempting.

@lookingforadvice24 definitely think you are possibly overthinking this - without knowing the exact steps of who did what this could be something or nothing. You would need to be sure of what’s what and the only way to know is by asking. From your post, I’m not sure who posted about ‘FAMOUS’ - the content creator or one of her or your friends. If you can’t ignore it, if the curiosity is too much, you could message and say ‘just seen the post of me on the phone case, that’s hilarious, did you make more than one, if so can I have it’ and start talking (so she knows you know and maybe to rein it in - she won’t want to damage her own business) and find out that way. You might also then say ‘I enjoyed working with you and would consider doing more but I have some health issues under investigation at the moment but would like to work together again in future’ (even if you have no intention). Definitely don’t engage in posting publicly about it - that could
do more harm than good as others have said.

This may or may not have come from a place of ill intent. Or, she might have meant nothing by it and it’s got a bit out of hand and she regrets it. Try not to let it bother you if you can. She will look unprofessional, not you.

Definitely kill this with silence. The friend that told you isn't being kind, they are a pot stirrer. They all sound drama queen's and immature. You are vulnerable because of a health situation so please look after yourself and your MH and ignore these witches. I hope your results are good news OP and you managed some sleep.
Congratulations on your business and its growth, be proud and strong and keep your chin up. 💪 x

Absolutely ignore it. I don’t understand why your friend felt the need to tell you about it. It sounds like the woman was annoyed you didn’t work with her.

Definitely DON’T make cryptic social media posts about haters or start asking why women don’t lift each other up. That could be confusing for potential customers / clients who have no idea of what you’re referencing and paints you in a bad light.

You never burn bridges in business- the OP could have recommended her to others if she hadn't behaved like a 12 year old

Absolutely. OP- you are like Julia Roberts in pretty woman and this woman is the snotty sales assistant in the posh clothes store. She's an utter moron alienating potential clients like this and if she carries on with this behaviour, her business will fail. Noone wants to hire someone with those kind of ethics and childish behaviour.

Please do not put it on social media, Christ you don’t want your target market pitying you, as that’s the biggest sales turn off ever. And everyone will be thinking was she a bitch of were you giving it, it’s all about me.

I think there are a lot of assumptions about this woman’s motivations in this thread! It wasn’t actually her that ordered the phone case was it? Perhaps when she was working with you she banged on about how great you were all the time and her friends are taking the piss out of her fangirling? Perhaps she constantly points out that she helped you with your content and how successful you are and her friends are ribbing her about it? Perhaps she was a bit hurt and deflated that you stopped working with her? Who knows?

It’s third hand information and I actually think you are projecting your own discomfort and insecurities about drawing attention to yourself through your content. Maybe you feel a bit of imposter syndrome or feel a bit silly or embarrassed about bigging yourself up on social media? Don’t assume the worst OP. It just sounds like a silly joke between friends.

It's very silly and unprofessional of the group, but remember, OP

She has absolutely no idea that you know this has happened.

I'd leave it, personally, and maybe, one day in the far distant future, if you run into her at an event, innocently ask her what she thinks about the idea of you adding phone cases to your merch line.

With a big smile. Then wish her a breezy goodbye as oooh look! there's someone over there you simply MUST chat to, they've been doing some fascinating work recently, byeeeeeeee

Tbh, if she gave the OP a quote and the OP didn't take her up on it or didn't engage in her services any further, it was most likely to be a daft joke between them to make her friend feel a bit better about it

If you cant handle people not using your business in a mature manner then you shouldnt be running a business in the first place. Thats the nature of business lol - sometimes you win clients, sometimes you dont.

If I took time/effort to mock every single person who didnt use my business I'd spend 24/7 doing mean things. Business creation is about creating good relationships with people- sure, someone may not use your business right now, but if you develop a good relationship with them and keep the lines of communication open, they may well use your service later on down the line or recommend you to others. She's shot herself in the foot now for any potential customers the OP might know.

That is not someone who knows how to run a successful business if she's going to throw a tantrum every time someone declines to use her service.

This. I wouldn't be the tiniest bit impressed by someone who thought this was funny or clever.

I would be far more impressed by a single mum who had built up a successful business on her own.

Let's hope no one comes to you to ask you what you thought of her content advice, or for a recommendation?

I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s cruel and obviously fuelled by her envy of your brilliant success.
You were both speaking in a professional context and she has now chosen to make things personal and share information with other people who are not connected with your business. Personally I would be tempted to write to her formally and ask her to confirm she hasn’t shared any commercially sensitive information to third parties as it was an implied condition your business dealings would be confidential. Let her squirm.

Great points.

I would message her and thank her for the brilliant idea and ask to order ten for all your friends.

What I think is likely to have happened is this.

1. your business has become successful quickly.

2. working for you might have been perceived as giving her, likely more fledgling operation, a boost.

3. you're clearly good at what you do and she might have hoped to get more work on the back of being involved with you.

4. it didn't happen. So she's likely to have been a bit disappointed by that.

5. her friend tried to make her feel a bit better about it by taking the piss a little bit. Making a joke to make her friend laugh and rasie her spirits.

No, it wasn't professional and no it wasn't kind but everyone has done similar whether it was a fledgling relationship that didn't work out or a job someone didn't get or any other kind of disappointment. People's friends try to make them feel.a bit better about it.

No, it wasn't nice but it's not the devsatating event some people are making it out to be on here either.