How to deal with the anxiety of finding out you were the butt of a groups joke

[lookingforadvice24]

Looking for some advice of how best to deal with the anxiety I’m currently feeling.

I have a small business in a tiny city. I done some digital marketing training with an expert a few years ago who told me that the way the human brain works we are much more likely to engage with people than products and if you include yourself in your small business posts they are likely to get 200 times the engagement. I pushed my discomfort around it aside and powered on and plastered myself all over the internet. My business is doing really well and we have grown from just me to 12 employees in 18 months.

Someone I briefly knew posted on social media about starting doing content creation for businesses and I thought our content could do with being a bit more polished. I reached out, we met up and I explained my thought process behind me wanting to appear in the content off the advice of this marketing expert and how I now felt it was what I had built my business up around. The content was really good and she seemed lovely but it was demanding quite a bit of my time to get the content stuff done and I already felt totally at my capacity so I didn’t continue working with her.

Fast forward to today, I get a message from a friend saying the content girl had gone on a girls trip and she had heard from a girl on the trip that they played a game of seeing who could buy each other the silliest phone case. The girl told my friend that the content creators friend bought her a phone case with a photo of me on it. I then see she puts up a post of the trip saying ‘mine was the best but Isn’t for social media but it has someone very FAMOUS on it’ (the famous was in capitals) so they are obviously taking the piss out of my for my business content stuff I post.

I feel so humiliated, I am feeling anxious at the moment anyway waiting for the results from hospital about something serious and I just feel like this might be the straw to break me. I can bare the thought of being the butt of the joke like that. I just feel so embarrassed.

My business is my only income as a single parent and I believe the content stuff really works and is a big part of my businesses success. I can’t bare the thought of going back online tomorrow knowing they are all slating me in their group chats. It’s such a horrible feeling. These women are in their 30’s with daughters.

All my friends are sleeping to ask for advice at this time. Hoping someone on internet will be up to give any tips on how to try and forget this.

What can I do? How do I feel better? There is no point in confronting her is there? I barely know her anyway and it will just add fuel to the fire I would imagine.

Thanks for reading anyway x

Sorry this happened, another one here genuinely impressed at your success and drive. I think it's brilliant that you've put yourself out there with the brand, despite it being contrary to your comfort zone. This other woman sounds like she's jealous you didn't need or want to work with her. She is taking rejection without dignity and spitefully.
You could make your own phone case similar... turn the joke around and make it a fun gimmick. Or a mug or something for videos. But keep it positive! People like working with positive people. You sound great, don't let one person change you or your winning ways.

I totally agree.

And this woman will learn that sooner or later.

My point was not that it was ok but that it's not something the OP should be getting upset about or seeking revenge for.

Yes, her feelings are valid (before anyone comments on that) but it's no reflection on the OP or her business.

Your “friend” has absolutely no business telling you that

what kind of friend! she said something you could not change and that made you feel worse, it would have been much kinder of her NOT to tell you!

she is a shit stirrer and not the sort of friend anyone needs

you’d have been much better off not knowing

this “friend” does not have your best interest at heart

As we have all said, the OP has made a brilliant success of her business in a short time but this has clearly knocked her.

It might help her to understand possible motives beyond "she's just mean" and it might help her to develop resilience if she doesn't take it to heart or too personally.

I also agree with this.

t might help her to understand possible motives beyond "she's just mean" and it might help her to develop resilience if she doesn't take it to heart or too personally

Yes, thats a fair point. I agree.

God please don't.

Look, you’ve grown your business really well. You’re a success. Hold onto it and stick to your plans to keep growing.

I have mentored people before and have seen entrepreneurs with solid businesses allow themselves to be derailed by their detractors or what their competitors do. In your entrepreneurial life you will get all sorts of distractions thrown at you. Maybe ask yourself if you can use this to improve anything, but don’t dwell on those thoughts unless they help you.

Don’t give her the headspace. Don’t allow your focus to drop. Block her on social media and just focus on doing what you do, because it’s clearly working.

And develop a thick skin. Definitely don’t make a story about it. I see this a lot with young entrepreneurs on TikTok, but it’s not good for your credibility, honestly.

She’s clearly jealous of your success and pissed off that you didn’t continue to work with her (presumably you’d have been paying her if you’d continued, so she lost out on business). That has led her to bitch about you to her friends. Ignore her. Sad, pathetic, and very unprofessional. She won’t get far creating content for businesses if she bad-mouths former clients.

Also, surely publicity is good? Adverts are deliberately made so that people will remember them, and sometimes that memory is joked about. I remember me and my friends flicking our hair and saying, jokingly, “because I’m worth it” after the L’Oréal advert. I can still remember it decades later! So if people are talking about you, then they’ll remember your business when they need whatever it is you make.

Whatever you do, don’t post anything about it on social media. It looks like drama and people always avoid that. You’re a success, rise above it.

Your 'friend' was wrong to tell you, and the content creator is unprofessional. Neither of those things reflects badly on you. Hold your head up high and ignore them. 💐

This is exactly what I would do! Take a leaf out of James Blunt's book - he manages to turn insults around and wins every time.

What’s the business op? It sounds a bit pyramid/MLM-esque?

Definitely don’t turn it into ‘content’, you’ll just make yourself look silly and immature. Ignore and carry on.

Don’t do this op, I’m sure you know it will ruin your business.

Do it. You might as well get some exposure out of what she's done to you. Id go with the angle of "as someone who suffers anxiety it's really hard for me to show up in my videos but i do it because i think it's really important to be authentic and show you the person behind the business blah blah". You don't need to mention her but she's obviously following you. Appearing to be a bit vulnerable can be a really positive thing on social media for authenticity, reach and exposure.

Anyway, the only way to get seen on social media is to show your face. You're clearly doing the right thing - you've created 12 jobs - YOU did that. Who cares what that sad cow thinks of you. She's clearly bitter that you didn't need her help.

Every time they click on your profile or view your stories, they are pushing you up in the algorithms! Their shitty negativity is actually helping you.

I'd do a story thanking them for their engagement and interest, then hold your head high and be so proud of your amazing business.

They are jealous and small minded and get kicks from putting others down. You are a successful and creative businesswoman and mother 👑

I have been in your exact position. I have a business and use social media to market it which often requires me to show up online etc. I’ve had exact same kind of mocking, sarcastic comments etc from people (mainly family members 🙃). It’s jealousy, pure and simple.

If you haven’t yet, go read or watch Brene Brown’s YouTube TED talk about daring greatly. She talks about how people who are “in the arena” aka putting themselves out there, trying something, making something of themselves, having to deal with people up in the gallery commenting, booing and generally being unsupportive.

It’s horrible but please don’t let it stop you from showing up in the way that is clearly working for you and your business to have had the amazing results you’ve had. I think I did subconsciously let the comments and attitude of some of my family impact how I showed up etc and I definitely pulled back (not to the complete detriment of my business but I often wonder what could have been had I not let their comments bother me so much).

Block that woman and if she ever reaches out, tell her you know about the phone case thing, point out how unprofessional it was of her and it has lost you as a client, referral and supporter.

good luck and keep going 💛

Not in the slightest!

Haven’t you played stupid game with pals? The people playing the game didn’t expect OP to know about it.

Most Shit Present is a common game in groups. My teens and their cousins have been playing it for years at Christmas - stupid in jokes to make each other laugh, not intended for outside consumption. I played it when my pals and I were too skint for expensive gifts.

Free voucher for a weightlifting gym to a couch potato (me). Book of Bible quotes to the rabid atheist. Cassette of cover versions found in a charity shop for a music obsessive.

And in this case, giving a faked promotional item on behalf of a client who rejected their business to a marketing ‘guru.’

My niece mocked up an awesome Limited Edition Taylor Swift Barbie package with a one-legged Barbie in a leotard she’d found in a pile of rubbish when helping a mate move flats. She gave it to my DD, who’d been moaning about not getting Taylor concert tickets.

”Your very own Taylor Swift!”

Dd replied by getting her a (£3) ticket to a pub quiz at Samuel Taylors and free Eventbrite ticket to making a Swift nest box.
”I got you Taylor Swift tickets.”

I’m pretty sure Ms Swift doesn’t give a shite about either of these.

This situation upsetting the OP didn’t have to be a “cruel” joke, it was a joke between colleagues or friends.

It became cruel when some loudmouth tells the OP and implied she’s the butt of the joke, not the situation.

If she was your content creator, the mastermind behind the content and you were fulfilling what she was suggesting, then this is a reflection of her surely?

Agreed. It probably originated in her being annoyed the OP didn’t choose to continue to use her services, and offloading about it to friends, but it’s not very clear via hearsay exactly what happened on this trip anyway, and it’s not even clear the content creator did anything wrong, other than make a reference on SM to an in group joke. I don’t think the OP is some kind of public laughing-stock for this group or anything. Just that her ‘content creator’ isn’t terribly professional.

As everyone said, well done, OP, on growing your business. You will need to grow a thicker skin, as you will always meet begrudges/ snipers/belittlers.

Spot on.

It's the person who told you who did the mean thing, really.

This other woman was given the phone case as a joke by one of her friends. An inside joke on a group holiday.

She has absolutely no idea the OP now knows about it.

It wasn't done to hurt OP. It was done to wind up the content creator by her friend.

Now. Why did YOUR friend feel the need to tell you, OP? And how does she even know about it? If it's in the public domain you can ask that it be taken down, but it sounds like it was private.

So why did your friend tell you?

I’m so sorry @lookingforadvice24 - people can be so cruel. Hold your head up high - you are a successful woman with a beautiful family and should be so proud of everything you have accomplished. Best of luck for the test results, I hope all is ok x

Fuck that. I’d leave her an honest
review. Scorched earth and all that.

First, congratulations on building a successful business 😊
Absolutely do NOT rise to this bait. The posters who advise you to say ‘Thanks I’m glad my merch helped you win!’ Are right. It will take the wind out of their sails.
And way must you post anywhere what has happened and how you feel. Maybe post how flattered you are that some people think you are ‘famous’
It is very, very hard to rise above these things but, when you do, it feels fantastic!

But the whole point of a behaviour is for an end goal, because it makes the people feel good in some way, that’s the point I was making.

By mocking the OP in front of others likely made the person doing it feel good for bringing her down, otherwise she wouldn’t have done it would she? Every action has a motivation.

Even if what was said wasn’t intended to get back to the OP, she posted on social media about it, she clearly got some satisfaction from that, did she not? She was mocking her for a reason.

Maybe the OP’s friend who informed her of it has ulterior motives? Who knows?