Adult children contributing to costs

[JackyPaper]

I know I’m not being unreasonable to ask for a contribution to household costs from my adult child.
I’m a single parent with a good job but all my income is accounted for so no surplus. I still have under 16s at home. I’ve calculated how much it costs to have them living here (increased council tax, energy etc).
They have gently raised with me that they think it is too much compared to what their friends pay. I said friends parents are clearly subsidising which I’m not prepared to do, even if I could. Adult child works full time.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

Well firstly child benefit is more than £30 .

My D’s has just started an apprenticeship - I now lose child maintenance ( dad doesn’t work so no real loss )
child benefit
child element of UC
and not sure yet if I will be paying a single person bedroom tax
i will also lose single person council tax .

you live in a dream world if you think I don’t need a contribution to get by .

When I was the child it was a share of costs. I paid half of most bills. Groceries was a bit informal, I'd do - and actually do, not just pay for - a few shops a month.

That's how families should do things IMHO. Charging a fixed rent is too transactional.

(If there's a big difference in income it shouldn't be even splits of expenses; in my case our incomes were about equal.)

@vodkaredbullgirl

what if she can afford it but decides she just wants an easier life and would like to keep on living with you rent free?

I can tell you exactly what I've spent of pretty much any category you might mention, going back several years.

It's called budgeting & it's a life changing skill & habit to have.

You have absolutely no idea of any posters past on here so please don’t generalise. You know absolutely NOTHING about me, yet here you are assuming I have never suffered domestic violence or job loss. You appear to be very angry.

Some parents on here are greedy when it comes to their children’s earnings. Rant away if it makes you feel better though.

My 2 boys used to pay £50 each a week. They upped it themselves to £80. One of my sons works with me and as soon as our washing machine broke last week, he sent extra money for a new machine. I feel well blessed that I don't need to ask for help. They know they are better off at home, that's their words!!

You're rather assuming a greed.

No parents on here are charging rent because of GREED. They're charging to cover bills, lost income or to teach their children financial responsibility.

Calling other mothers greedy for daring to try and instill values or not going hungry is absolutely disgusting from another parent. Pulling others down is not an admirable quality.

Stop calling them names and try and understand their perspective. You're absolutely and 109% wrong to shame parents and insult them over asking their adult children to help contribute to the house hold. They are still good parents, and I can absolutely guarantee they love their children just as much as you love yours.

She's not living rent free, always paid her way. She has a grand left to save and has more than 11 grand in savings.

What my daughter and I do, are mine and her business no one else's.

I wasn't talking about people relying on their parents to pay their bills or unable to make their own decisions. Just about many cultures where money doesn't change hands between family members.
I have the worst bits of being Asian I think.. I am too Asian to accept money from my DC but not Asian enough to control their decisions😂

I’m all for budgeting and being economical; however, some of these posts are really something else. Calculating electricity used, toiletries used, food eaten, right down to the dime. There was even one poster who calculated that her takeaway bill was £10-15 cheaper now that her DS had left home. I mean that’s taking budgeting down to a fine art. That kind of budgeting is alien to me; it seems even grasping and miserly. But then I’ve not been raised in extreme poverty. I can see for some families how it might need to be done.

Do you really think it’s some weird thing to notice that a takeaway bill is cheaper when feeding less people?

But an adult child living at home with parents is relying on parents to pay their bills food costs, electricity costs etc.

Your lucky to not have experience of needing to watch every penny....with professionals like teachers and nurses using food banks I'd imagine many have to account for it all down to not using rooms to save electricity. Why should an adult not be asked to contribute? How's that encouraging responsibility and community over selfish arsedness!

Yes true @jannier but I just won't be able to ask my DC to pay general food costs and electricity bills unless I am driven to it by sheer necessity. I often go and stay with my mum for a month at a time- she is in another country- and she would be highly insulted if I offer to pay towards food or bills.

They are not in work yet, but I anticipate asking them to pay for any special food , gym memberships, takeaways, clothes and things like that.

I suppose all of this is privilege and if we were in poverty things would be different.

Why do you say that? They need to be paying realistic amounts, given the OP’s situation!

Grasping and miserly... Or just aware of how much stuff costs?

You're very fortunate.

Once I was finished education and working full time I was expected to pay 10% of my salary as were my siblings. It wasn’t so much I couldn’t save for my own place but it helped towards bills/food.

Depends how much they make? Ideally calculate how much it would cost for them to live in their own place , for example, rent 1 bed apartment, bills and food, charge them that and put it away for them to save for a deposit? That is if you can absorb the cost of them living at yours, if you can't then use some of the money to make up for the increased costs to your household and put the rest away in savings for them.

That is so low. Unless my kid was excellent at saving, I don't see why they would need 90% of their income to be disposable income. If they are going to spend it in unnecessary things I would rather charge them more and save for them

My parents never ever asked me to contribute anhtbing to the household but I did so voluntarily. Now, I have my own kids and I doubt I'd ever take anything from them - and even if I do, I'll save it on their behalf.

So your telling parents to starve while their adult off spring party, save, have nails done etc you really have no idea no wonder we have a generation of entitled young adults if any is happy to watch their parents live on one meal a day while they live it up something is really wrong. Hopefully they will be too selfish to ever have children because they are unlikely to have the compassion needed.

If your child would willingly watch you live like that sharing a home you did a bad job raising them.

There is a difference between and a huge gap between demanding £600 a month or whatever and your child offering a food shop, topping up the gas/electric if you are prepay etc.

My adult children happily contributed, my eldest helped the youngest through university.
In my area renting a room in a shared house is £800 a month. So £600 would be cheap.
Now they both have their own homes I'm saving £100 a week just on food. Downgraded internet saving £60 a month, water is down £20 to £30, utility bills are half. I have 2 spare rooms that if I need to a can rent for £1500 to £1600 a month combined no food, I have no pension as having disabled and sick family meant I hit bad times.
My comments were to the poster saying you should go without food rather than ask your Adult offspring for rent.

Cheapest I can find is £500 doesn't include bills, that's for a house share.