Adult children contributing to costs

[JackyPaper]

I know I’m not being unreasonable to ask for a contribution to household costs from my adult child.
I’m a single parent with a good job but all my income is accounted for so no surplus. I still have under 16s at home. I’ve calculated how much it costs to have them living here (increased council tax, energy etc).
They have gently raised with me that they think it is too much compared to what their friends pay. I said friends parents are clearly subsidising which I’m not prepared to do, even if I could. Adult child works full time.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

The parent's circumstances make all the difference. If you are a low income family you usually lose some benefits when child becomes an adult. If single, you might lose child maintenance from NRP. Households which already have 2 or more adults won't have a change in council tax so likely won't bother including council tax in their calculations of how expensive the adult child is to house.
So not all our offspring are getting the same start when they enter adulthood, inequality is rife.

They didn't save £10k a year in a LISA as the maximum is £4k plus the bonus.

Most parents who take keep and save it do so but don't tell their children they will be giving it back later and that way the child still has to save themselves.

DS pays £350 a month - he earns £34k but is saving for house deposit
Managed to save 30k so far

Single mum here all my kids lifes.
£0 nothing i never charged them to be born i wont do it now this is their home were they grow up felt safe they can count on having a roof over their heads no matter what.
They both chip in both pay for things if i need it they both offer to towards bills etc but i never ask them to do it they choose to.
Its never hundreds of ££s just what they can afford.
Things are tight for everyone i dont want to make it harder for them.
We are not rich at all but they are saving to move out.
As i said if i need something they chip in our home is filled with love not pay cheque.
All food in my home is for everyone loo paper bath shower stuff etc nothing is off limits just because they work.
Although they do get their own shower stuff and other things.
I dont want my children to feel like i did if i didnt pay i didnt eat and i couldent use anything because i didnt pay for it it didnt feel like home anymore.
So i didnt want my children to feel like that.

I dont get some people that as soon as their child starts work they want money and its a lot sometimes.
Between both of mine they chipped in £120 last month the end of this month things are not to bad so they said a hundred from each of them but i always say dont worry about it this is home your home.
But i know they will pay something most likely with be a household bill.

They maxed out LISA of £4k but did save £10k in a year. Still not trusting DC to be an adult and save themselves. Taking away half their salary would mean they didn't have much ability to save.

Why have so many children when you clearly can’t afford them? The mind boggles

They aren’t children.

DS pay £200 a month - because that’s what adults do and it’s a start to being responsible. He earns the same as I do, so he’s not short of money.

It covers food, washing, electricity, toiletries etc, so it’s not a bad deal at all.

I’ve paid his car insurance the last year, a fine he got by accident and everything else in between.

I am saving this money for him later.

To each their own but half your child’s take home pay is extortionate and the sort of thing that ruins relationships.

ours did not but they offered - we could afford it and if they had not offered, then we would have asked. We would have asked for money if we felt they were not really trying hard enough to save for a property

I guess its good practice to charge kids as it helps you and them by teaching them how to look after money unless you were in our position. If i/we felt kids were taking the p, then e would have charged them

so getting kids to pay rent those that work is good. those that may refuse to work or only work pT because of the so-called "work life blance' 😂 at 18/22, charge them proper rent so you can enjoy the "work, life balance."

I have boomeranged from my parents to my own place and back again quite a few times in adulthood and my parents always tell me their bills didn’t really change when I wasn’t there.

So I don’t think there’s a huge difference to having an extra person in the house if two are already living there.

What the hell are you on about? So he buys his own food and that will make him leave the country. And having spent last two year in a flat share with another to go I think he's well used to sticking to his own food . But no I wouldn't charge him just get him to replace it

We don't charge them anything except youngest for her phone contract which is not in her name yet. We both work and don't need the money, plus although both children technically have 'full time' jobs, neither gets full time hours (shift work). We have already benefitted from not needing to pay for their clothes, phones, entertainment and travel etc. When and if their working hours increase / become more secure, we may ask for a share of the bills and food costs.

You’d potentially lose housing benefit, your council tax reduction, child maintenance and the child element of UC (which is over £300 pcm). All that is likely to amount to well over £500+ per month. It’s not beyond the realms that this would be the difference between swimming and sinking for a single parent on a low income.

Edited to add: I forgot about child benefit. Another £100 per month.

I think it's good to charge a market rate, they can take it or leave it. Being able to pay your way is a hugely important skill in adulthood so sounds like you're doing a great job. Some parents never teach or encourage it, my brother is 40 and it's still costing my mum more than he gives her and no he's not saving up! You could save some of the money and give it back to them one day, if you really felt you'd overcharged

My parents always said that if we weren’t in education and living at home then they expected 25% of our take home pay as board. This always seemed fair to me as not having any other expenses and 75% of your income to live off is amazing compared to renting. If you genuinely didn’t need this much you could ask for less (or save the difference for them), but if you need more because that is what it costs then they ought to pay more. It’s not fair for your younger children to suffer so that the older child can spend all their income on frivolities.

But wouldn't you lose most of that (other than the council tax reduction) regardless of whether the child was living at home or not (because they are no longer a child)?

So why is it up to them to replace those monies? Are you suggesting that they should be paying their parent(s) even if they aren't living at home? Otherwise, I don't see that those other money losses having anything to do with the discussion of charging an (adult) child for expenses for living at home.

It'll be interesting to see if you change your mind when you've experienced the other perspective for yourself!

I’m not suggesting they should replace the lost money, but they should pay for their own costs. Losing £600 a month is a big hit, but then you’re still left paying maybe £200 a month to feed them and extra money for the bills etc. If they moved out you wouldn’t be paying the extra costs. If they stay at home they should cover what it’s costing the parent to have them there. Young adult males eat a LOT of food!

What has she said that suggests she's not listening, surely the fact she's posting says she's listening? Or do you mean she should do what they ask because "my friends don't pay that"

Dd is 1st years ECT teacher so just over £30k
We charge her £200 pcm because she has bought a car which she needs to get to work ( or anywhere-Weare rural ) ads savings a deposit to buy a property with her bf

So much inequality.

Some kids saving £30, 000 a year - in 4 years that’s £120, 000. Nice deposit on a flat.

Some kids start their independent life in a grubby bedsit, eating pot noodles for dinner without a pot to piss in because of avaricious, money-hungry parents.

They see their kids’ first paycheque, and £ signs dance before their eyes.

They start charging them for food, toiletries, toilet paper, laundry detergent toothpaste — anything they can think of.

All greed is bad, but parental greed is the worst 😢.

I dont get some people that as soon as their child starts work they want money and its a lot sometimes.

I don’t understand this either. I find it very odd and you often get the “oh but it teaches budgeting skills” shit trotted out. Our children have been brought up to budget, it doesn’t take until they’re working to understand budgeting for things.

I see so many posts on here “oh I’m losing child benefit so they need to pay” posts. Why do people have children if they’re so desperately relying on child benefit etc? It boggles my mind. Some people are are just tight with money I assume and use this an excuse to fleece their children.

I’ve read today one parent taking half of their child’s salary. It’s ridiculous. Some parents take a percent of their salary and I wonder how they come to that conclusion. Do they sit and work out every shower the children take?

Like us, some parents don’t see a massive rise in bills when their children move back home so why charge them for living in their family home? You have absolutely no idea of the poster you quoted’s parents financial situation. I’ll use the MN buzzword of the year as you have. I’d be “interested” to see what your situation is since you feel it appropriate to ask someone else.

I see so many posts on here “oh I’m losing child benefit so they need to pay” posts. Why do people have children if they’re so desperately relying on child benefit etc? It boggles my mind. Some people are are just tight with money I assume and use this an excuse to fleece their children.

Does it boggle your mind that some people are actually not that well off? That you’ve no idea how they came to be in the circumstances they’re describing, where loss of child benefit, child maintenance and an increase in council tax can mean the difference between getting by and going under? You live a tiny, unimaginative life if so, and one of great privilege.

Because if you’re a single parent to one child, then when the child reaches adulthood you could downsize to a smaller 1-bed flat, with cheaper bills, or alternatively take a lodger to make up the shortfall.

Parental greed? Once my kids have left university, I'll only be about 10 years off retirement, I want to save to enjoy that after working all my adult life. Other people simply won't have the spare cash to support children who may be earning similar amounts to what their parents earn.

I would be disappointed if my kids thought it would be better to mooch off us rather than pay their own way. It's just helicopter parenting extended into adulthood.