Adult children contributing to costs

[JackyPaper]

I know I’m not being unreasonable to ask for a contribution to household costs from my adult child.
I’m a single parent with a good job but all my income is accounted for so no surplus. I still have under 16s at home. I’ve calculated how much it costs to have them living here (increased council tax, energy etc).
They have gently raised with me that they think it is too much compared to what their friends pay. I said friends parents are clearly subsidising which I’m not prepared to do, even if I could. Adult child works full time.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

Household spends on food, the extra council tax of having a second adult in the house, bills all vary massively. I would start by working out what they are costing you and discussing that with them.

My son moved out now to his own house but he used to pay £300 pcm until last July. For this he received access to any food in the house, some meals cooked for him, electricity, gas, unlimited hot water, super fast internet access, Virgin go on his phone, Netflix, Amazon Prime, his monthly phone contract paid with Virgin package, TV package in his bedroom including Sky Movies, Sky Sport, BT Sport, access to washing and drying machines, washing powder, basic toiletries, family takeaway once a week paid for. Council tax made no difference whether he lived at home or not because me and DH paid the full amount.

I would 'gently' suggest that his friends parents may be better off than you and he is welcome to pay for his own flat if he prefers.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

£0 but we are financially able to make that decision and it what works for us.
We expect dd to be saving a certain % of her income each month in longer term savings.

Really? There's 18 years between having children and them growing up so circumstances can change. It's also ok for people who are poor to have children or for parents to try to teach their children the value of money.

Why have children when simple Maths eludes you? The mind boggles.

I don't charge mine but they are saving up to move out

I do expect them to muck in - walk the dog, cook meals, take the rubbish out and be generally helpful. If at any stage they behaved more like lodgers I would revisit my thinking!

There's 5 of us so I divided all the bills by 5 and that's what they pay. So gas, electric, water, food, council tax, internet plus about a £5 for general house upkeep/maintenance. They still have to share a room with a sibling so wouldn't charge for that.

But she could afford to have children, just not to carry other earning adults.

"Sitting round with a pen and paper, and calculator in hand" or budgeting, as it is otherwise known, is something a lot of parents do, yes.

Depends on wage etc but 20 years ago I paid £200 a month. I had to put equal amount into savings per month. It's amazing gift you doing charging adult children as forces them to budget. Renting own place with bills etc is so expensive compared to home.

My plan is to charge £500
And save it for their house deposit- so dd gets used to having a lot of her salary taken away for cost of housing etc. we have discussed this as she wishes to get an apprenticeship after college and get on the housing ladder asap- so needs to get used to budgeting

1/2 of all take home pay is ridiculous. That would be charging a child between £12-£15k, just for remaining at home. It does not cost that much in food, gas, electricity for one more person living in a home you already have. As for taking all their money, then giving it back to them years later, that is treating them like infants who can't manage their own money. My DS opened a LISA and saved £10k each year. The money got the 25 percent government premium added to it. Then he used this towards his deposit. The thing is you bring them up to be financially responsible and to want to save. Taking away their money and saving it for them screams you don't trust them to save on their own and see them as financially incompetent. Why would you want to do that to your DC? 🤷

I’m a single parent of 3 DCs. Two are working adults and pay based on their income,l the older one earns approx double the younger one, so younger one pays £300 and older one £500. They decided these figures themselves as a fair contribution.

I paid £300PCM over 25 years ago. I guess it depends on their earnings and where you live. How much is a room in a shared house locally? Where we live you couldn't get a room in a house for less than £800PCM including utilities then you'd need to pay for food and toiletries.

This subject caused so much angst in our household, I just stopped paying for stuff instead.

So they don't give me money, or regularly contribute in any practical sense (another source of angst). Instead they have to pay for their own phones, toiletries and food outside the absolute basics I buy when I feel like it, and they do their own washing.

The clue is in the @LazyBumMum handle I think.

@LazyBumMum Let's try to remember that all children are a blessing even if that dont always arrive at the mosy comvenient of times and sometime we have to say that through gritted teeth

I took "them" to be none gender specific adult child rather than all of the kids.
Given that this mum has no spare cash and adult child is working FT then it's only right that adult child should contribute.
I read it that she doesn't want to make a profit she just can't subsidise the child.
OP i would suggest that adult child makes up the shortfall in the extra council tax that you'll now be paying and any benefit you may have lost if they'd previously been in FT education and a little more to help with the bills.
They need to learn some financial responsibility

There are 2 different amounts to consider: 1) What it costs - ie a 1/3 of all bills but also what you'll pay if they move out - them leaving will not reduce the mortgage etc.

If 12-1&k would be half their income then they would be on better wages than me lol

My son intends to move abroad asap after uni but if he's here he will need to pay the 25% extra in council tax, a contribution towards utilities and internet and but his own food. Nothing for rent of room as that doesn't cost me extra

It's hard as you want the kids to be treated equally but if one goes to uni and one gets a job, I don't feel right charging rent to one and then paying the others fees

She's talking about the eldest only, not the under 16s. That is why gender neutral 'them' can be confusing.

I think charging them for bills and associated costs is fine. Not rent unless you would otherwise rent the room out in their absence.

There is a set government table on how much rent for a bedroom

It's not about how much it is costing the parent - it is about how much it would otherwise cost the adult child to make alternative arrangements.

And i did caveat it with putting the difference in a savings account - a LISA if you wish. I am not suggesting that parents profiteer from their children, but rather they put their children in a realistic expenditure position.

DD pays us £200pm. Either they pay so much a month or suggest their equal share of council tax, utilties and food.

Clearly, some people just view children as a money making racket. Probably can’t wait for them to start work so they can exploit them for their own financial gain. Disgraceful.

I do wonder how much more they can really cost.

apart from losing the 25% discount with only works if your a single parent.

The only extra costs of them being an adult is what, loss of their child benefit at what £25? A week, and any other deduction of benefits.

Now I’m all for helping teach budgeting but it sounds like a lot of parents could do with that lesson if they genuinely NEED their children to pay £300/£400/£500 a month not saving any of it for them.