Adult children contributing to costs

[JackyPaper]

I know I’m not being unreasonable to ask for a contribution to household costs from my adult child.
I’m a single parent with a good job but all my income is accounted for so no surplus. I still have under 16s at home. I’ve calculated how much it costs to have them living here (increased council tax, energy etc).
They have gently raised with me that they think it is too much compared to what their friends pay. I said friends parents are clearly subsidising which I’m not prepared to do, even if I could. Adult child works full time.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

The word 'interested' is a MN buzzword now?!! Love it!

I posted about my situation upthread.
No I don't know about that poster's circumstances other than what she told us.

She went on to generalise, though, and said I don’t think there’s a huge difference to having an extra person in the house if two are already living there. That's what I was responding to.

I also felt it was a bit tone deaf to come onto a thread from an OP who is struggling to make ends meet, and basically say 'well my parents were fine!' So my reply also implied that maybe a bit of personal experience as the bill payer would provide some useful empathy and perspective down the track. But then the thread is full of posters doing similar, so maybe I was unfair to pick on this one.

So, you can't imagine a single scenario where a child was born into a secure income home, and something happens where the parent(s) absolutely rely on the CB to make ends meet?

Nothing at all? Never heard of domestic violence...job lossless... injury... Long term illnesses... Marriage breakdowns...

And you can't imagine a world where when that parent loses £250 of income a month, that a working adult that lives in the home might need to contribute to the bills in order to ensure the heating remains on, the electricity is paid, the rent is paid... How are they supposed to do that with less money than is needed? All whilst there's another adult earning £30k?

Honestly, some people are so narrow minded and arrogant living in their perfect world where nothing goes wrong.

SOME PEOPLE CAN'T AFFORD TO SUPPORT ANOTHER ADULT.

Oh do behave. I charged my kids keep (15% of their take home pay), because a good parent doesn’t infantilise their children into their thirties. They teach them that being an adult is expensive and that they are responsible for themselves. I could afford not to charge them, but I believe that as they’re adults they need to start taking responsibility for themselves. I didn’t profit, it was a token payment towards their costs. I also gave them a deposit for a house, which was probably 10 times more than they’d ever paid in keep.

That isn’t “greed”, it’s being a responsible parent. There are so many threads on here about man-baby husbands who behave like children, or run up enormous debts. Or women who are just starting a family life complaining that they can’t afford a “lifestyle” on top of their living costs. It’s easy to see how they’ve ended up like this when Mummy and Daddy have been pandering to them all their lives.

Soin my culture, parents never charge their children anything.. DC may chip in for groceries but it's a v informal and fluid arrangement. Are all people from such cultures infants? My mum routinely pays for my stuff when I visit; I routinely pay for hers. No money exchanged.

That's a really mean comment ..how do you know the financial position of the parents many could have been struggling to put food on the table have now lost child benefit faced with increased bills and are supposed to carry on struggling and going without basics so the adult children can save thousands party and holiday, not everyone is as rich as you.

Are they independent adults though if they have to rely on parents to pay for everything does that mean they have to do what the parent says who makes choices on work, life partners, where you live etc ...we've had posters on here who's parents choose their furniture dictate on holidays children's names etc and they can't no because mum and dad own our house and pay our bills.

It’s your choice.

You can help your children get on their own two feet by letting them save the majority of their earnings whilst they live at home.

Or you can have them live a life of miserliness and poverty like you —living on beans on toast, charging them for Christmas dinner, watching every morsel of food that goes into their mouths like a hawk . . .

Maybe start charging the grandkids a fiver every time they come over so that you can squeeze some moolah out of them too.

The alternative is to ask them to leave, which would cost them multiple times what they’d pay for living at home. It’s not a choice for parents who literally do not have the money to buy food for their adult children.

You can help them save AND help the realise they have to contribute and be an adult etc.

I suspect you'd change your tune if you had 4 kids, all adults, all earning decent money, contributing £0, whilst you were on minimum wage subsidising their living - all whilst they happily let you pay all the bills and watch you struggle. If you think that's something for your kids to aspire to (being selfish, inconsiderate people, then shame on you. Kids in our family are not be brought up to watch their loved ones struggle and support them, my 20 yo nephew works as a porter in a hospital, pays £400 rent and half food bills, also helps contribute to any unexpected costs, like if the car needs repairing. He happily contributes - and often offers more - he asked my sister last week if she was sue the £400 was enough and did she needs more?. He is still able to save money and be a decent person by helping contribute to the household.
My niece is 24, still lives with parents, but insisted on paying more than the £50 the parents asked for - she said it's not fair, she is earning money and she happily pays them £250. She is working as admin in a accountancy firm - she thinks its right to help pay towards living costs.

£60 a week (he's paid weekly). He pays all his own bills (maintenance for his child, car expenses, mobile phone etc), and will often pay for a takeaway for us all if I'm grumbling about being fed up with cooking 😀

Because the rent and bills still needs paying ... and if the parent is now £100 sort each month.. then perhaps the other earning adult in the house should provide that?

Otherwise the parents could move to a smaller place and pay less rent, council tax, bills etc basically somewhere that they could afford.

I can’t afford to have 4 kids. I’m not that rich.

Oh don't be so ridiculous!

My DS tends to boomerang between flat shares with friends and home. I don't charge him for anything I'd be paying anyway, like the mortgage, water bill etc. I just ask that he contributes towards the food bill because adults get through a lot of food. Asking kids for 'rent' is morally wrong imo, since it's the family home and you likely wouldn't be renting to a stranger if they weren't there.

I don't think it's right for parents to make a profit from their kids living at home, but neither should they have loads of increased costs.
Last time DS was living here, he paid £200 per month. If he was increasing my council tax bill, I'd ask him to cover the difference.

So in your shoes I'd literally charge what it costs to keep him. If he's not happy with that, he has the option to live with friends in a house share.

You might find yourself in a situation where you can't afford the kids you already have. And you might have some sympathy to those parents who struggle through no fault of their own.

Hyperbole much?

My parents were well off.

I still paid a proportion of my salary (we're talking 50+ years ago)

I was lucky, I got it back as a house deposit But it didn't hurt me to hand it over and if they'd kept it, that would have been up to them

Mine pays me £250 a month which I think is fair. I have DH here too so council tax is the same if they live here or not. I buy most of the food and they also contribute to the running of the house by doing all the washing and mowing the lawn and cooking a few meals each week.

Current child rate on universal credit is £330 , so add that to loss of child benefit, loss of single person council tax discount and reduction in housing benefit due to having a working adult in the house then the loss to the parent will easily reach £400+ per month.

If you are poor and on benefits then the chances your children will escape the cycle of generational poverty is slim (especially in the current economic climate). That’s what research says. So carry on.

Everybody else should allow their children to save the MAJORITY of their earnings whilst they are living at home so they can save for a flat or house deposit, or have as much money saved as possible when they leave home.

Just glad my daughter knows she can't live at home for free.

I'm shocked how little some of you charge.

Some would probably shoot me down, if I say how much my daughter gives me.

And how many parents actually do that??
I agree with the parental greed on here. It's quite astounding.

A 2/3 bedroom house were we are, starts from £70k. £120k would get you a 2 bed in a good area. Your example shows that you need to consider what life is like in lower income areas.
When my youngest DD was 21 (and started earning proper wages), she paid for her own expenses. Bills I would have had, broadband, TV licence etc I didn't ask for a contribution. I wasn't petty, I got us a take away/bottle of wine etc. All of my DD's have been grateful that they wasn't babied, they are often shocked at how immature/irresponsible their peers are and how their parents pick up the pieces. Which they'd find smothering. They all budget really well and got onto the property ladder early and have good holidays. My youngest recently got plantation blinds and comments in work was made about affording them. To which my DD replied was why she'd dropped down to eating work lunch out to once a month and will get a bus instead of a taxi. Some young adults will need the practical application of life/budgeting skills.

I think you're talking BS and from a position of complete privilege.