Adult children contributing to costs

[JackyPaper]

I know I’m not being unreasonable to ask for a contribution to household costs from my adult child.
I’m a single parent with a good job but all my income is accounted for so no surplus. I still have under 16s at home. I’ve calculated how much it costs to have them living here (increased council tax, energy etc).
They have gently raised with me that they think it is too much compared to what their friends pay. I said friends parents are clearly subsidising which I’m not prepared to do, even if I could. Adult child works full time.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

"Can't afford them" they're not children, they're adults with full time jobs. Why should anyone being paying for the keep of an adult in full time employment.

I wouldn’t dream of charging rent to my working dc. They sometimes buy their own food themselves. They are saving money and will leave when ready. In fact I will be giving them money to add to that for their house/ flat deposits.

Just wow, oh wow.

Some of these posts.

Calculating to the last amount of electricity used.

To the last piece of toilet paper used to wipe one’s bum.

Such business acumen!

By all means charge your children a nominal amount, or have them pick up a bill or two.

But unless you’re on the bones of your arse, let them save the majority of their wages.

It’s a cold, hard world out there.

They’re going to need all the money possible when they flee your miserly nest, cheapskates!

That’s so wrong.

You should be charging them half their wages, and calculating how much toothpaste and toilet paper they use - then charging them for it.

@OhmygodDont, it's not always quite so straightforward. We only had ridiculously fast internet because adult DS wanted it. Now he's gone we have a much cheaper internet. We only had Sky Movies because DS wanted to watch it. DH and I never watched it and cancelled it once DS left. We also cancelled the Virgin extra room as DS wanted to watch TV in his room. When DS lived at home we had these things because we wanted him to enjoy living at home but really DH and I just don't need or use them. Our takeaway might got £15-£18 cheaper each week too. Just on things mentioned above we've found it is £180 pcm cheaper. We've also saved a lot on electricity particularly as DS had air conditioning in his room and that uses a lot of electricity. He also always tumbled dried his laundry even in the summer. Our water bill is cheaper now too. Savings on electricity and water is £140 pcm. We've saved on food too. We used to buy his favourites. He didn't eat at home every night but 4-5 nights a week and took lunch from home most days. We've saved about £80-£100 pcm on food and he still eats with us at least once a week. All in all we were charging him £300 pcm and now he's left we are probably £100 pcm better off.

Wow to you too 🙄

What if he eats some of your food?

You’re going to charge him?

What if he eats some of yours?

He’s going to charge you?

No wonder he wants to move abroad.

I have a 25 and 23 year old and they pay £250 each per month. They earn 25k and 39k and there’s an expectation that they save a big chunk of their salary which they do.
We’re all happy with the arrangement.

I did a spreadsheet of all household expenses. Removed the ones that are paid by us regardless of use, rent, etc. Remaining was split by the number of adults.

Nothing
They are saving for a deposit

I mean those things make sense to charge for. If it’s expenditure purely for them such as the sky movies and what not. But if you had those things when he was 17 his not cost you extra at 18 you’ve just lost whatever benefits you where claiming for him.

Having read your updates, I don't think YANBU, OP. Plus you are a single parent.

DS pays 400pm which includes food and basic toiletries. If he wants nicer stuff he buys it himself. He earns a good wage, more than me, and will treat us to a takeaway sometimes. He is also generous with his younger student sibling, paying for cinema etc.

My DC are young, but my DH and I discussed this a while back and agreed we would never charge our DC to live at home in the first few years post 18. Those saying they are grown adults etc, yes they may be, but they will always be my children too. I think there is a difference between moving back home after uni and starting out in life (in which case I'd want them to save all their money) and living at home at maybe age 30. In that case, it seems more appropriate to charge a fair monthly amount. Aged 18 and facing a difficult jobs market and a harsh housing market etc, no, I wouldn't charge anything.

You might change your tune if you have a a 32 year old, a 34 yo an 36 year old "living at home" for free, whilst they earn £45-50k each, and you struggle to pay the bills as you're lower income.

It's easy to be all high and mighty, but I can guarantee that OP loves their kid just as much as you live yours... But still wan/need them to contribute to the household.

If you are providing food, bills and a room then I would imagine £50-£100 a week would cover the actual cost. If they are contributing less than that then you are subsidising them.

Well, you say 'the first few years ' past 18... What's the cut off? 21? 24?

What happens the day they turn 25? And are still living at home?

You mention 30 as age... What would magically change between 29 and 30? If they've got the same job etc.

It's seems easier to say "whilst in full time education" it's free, and post 18/uni, it's the a % of income. Like ... 20% or something.

@LazyBumMum would find that ok for herself I think!

Personally, I think there are no hard and fast rules of parenting any more in 2024. We have had a pandemic, two wars, a CoL crisis, a recession...
I think each person needs to do what suits them best.

I say now that I won't charge my DC rent or board, but who knows what may happen in the future? We might lose our jobs to AI!

£0. Adult dc is actually saving us money by doing an apprenticeship rather than going to university. It’s cheaper having him at home 🤣.

Ten percent of their take home wage

What ?

Nothing.
Eldest DS is saving to buy a house with his partner.
Youngest DS is at uni.
They both pay for their own car insurance, fuel, etc, gym membership and any takeaways.
Happy to be able to do this for them both.

I charge dd £1000/ month
Thats much cheaper than rent food and bills. She knows I’m putting it to one side for her for a deposit and is extremely happy; she’s still got more money than she’ll ever had once she’s paying bills. It does kids no good to have massive disposable incomes when they’re not paying bills.
And of course she could save it himself but it’d be hard to- adhd- and hard job so it would be easy to justify treating herself.