Adult children contributing to costs

[JackyPaper]

I know I’m not being unreasonable to ask for a contribution to household costs from my adult child.
I’m a single parent with a good job but all my income is accounted for so no surplus. I still have under 16s at home. I’ve calculated how much it costs to have them living here (increased council tax, energy etc).
They have gently raised with me that they think it is too much compared to what their friends pay. I said friends parents are clearly subsidising which I’m not prepared to do, even if I could. Adult child works full time.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

Mine pays £40 a week. I feel guilty about it being that much but with food and utility increases I really do need it!

My DD has more savings than me, she pays money towards household bills. So if that makes me mean, she is the one who said she would pay towards things.

I charge DD the extra I spend on her being here. No extra on mortgage, broadband or council tax as we'd pay them anyway, but energy and water is a bit more, and food definitely more. I think £200 is fair, to include free access to food, drink and communal toiletries.

So what have you calculated in increased costs? What is that as a proportion of their income? And how old is the adult DC?

I’d expect a far bigger contribution from a 23 year old than an 18 year old, for instance. In terms of actual increased costs, it’s surely fairly low (25% council tax, plus gas & electric) if food is excluded.

Why are you taking it then , just get them to save it as that way they are actually learning something - you save = you can have / buy . Taking it and saving for them is infantilising.

Thanks for all your comments and collective wisdom. I am taking the approach above. Not charging ‘rent’ (I missed used this word in my original post) but asking for them to cover the costs I am incurring as a result of them moving back in. No issue with that. It’s about 10% of their salary. All of this is fair. My adult child and I are talking reasonably and discussing the cost breakdown as suggested by the poster above. I like the idea of looking together to see how we can bring the costs down. @Chocolateorange22 Thanks all

I don't charge mine anything as we are mortgage free and he buys a lot of his own food so doesn't really cost us much and I know he is savings hard for his own place. he also is the only one of my four who has not gone to Uni and so we haven't had to support him for extra years like we have the others. I used to charge my other son ( who has now moved out) a bit as he was irresponsible with money and as his gf also used to live with us I charged her a little.
I agree with others though, it doesn't matter what other people do or why, if you feel your child is costing you a certain amount to live there then it's fine to charge them that. Everyone's situation is different.

@JackyPaper I think it's an eye opener for them to look at the cost of living elsewhere , doing research to how much it would cost icluding the cost of rent, council tax, utilities, phone bill, car if they have one and associated bills, food, toiletries, clothing ect

inwtead of seeing it as you taking money off them they could view it as the huge savings they will be making by being at home.

Whatever you agree on I'd also add an extra £50 a month and put it in premium bonds or a savings account for when they decide to move out.

I would say the additional 25% council tax charge as you can't get single person discount then about £50 a week for food and bills.
Basically I'd do it at cost.

Gosh, that is double what I have actually asked for!!!

This is exactly the approach I have taken. All the costs I would have anyway (mortgage, broadband etc) don’t come in to my calculation. Just the increase in council tax, energy and food. They are moving back in after having lived away so car running costs insurance, phone etc are already paid for by them.

Wait let me get this straight .... your adult child has gently sat you down to tell you a whopping 10% of their salary is too much for you to be charging for expenses?!! They are having a laugh, if as you state you are in a position where all your disposable income is accounted for?

Are they in debt and struggling? Is that why they’re moving back in, and arguing about minimal costs to live? If they’ve lived away previously then they know fine well living isn’t free, so there must be more to it if they’re giving out about contributing what sounds like a small amount. I’d do some gentle digging into their finances, I suppose.

A good reflection. In this instance that isn’t the case.

I don't agree with the concept of paying rent unless you're in the situation where you'd take in a lodger or really need to downsize if they weren't around. Maybe if you were doing the "take rent and give it back to them in future as a kind of savings" thing, but even then I'd rather they just saved themselves.

But I definitely don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to pay the expenses you incur having them around as long as the expenses are accurate to what they actually use. For example, I wouldn't expect them to pay 1/4 of a family of four's weekly shop if they were eating out a lot (eg lunch at work, not eating dinner at home a few times a week) or if the family bill included expensive items they don't consume.

I hope you're ‘gently’ pointing out to them that if they expect to live at family rates, they’ll be expected to muck in as family too, and their contribution to the costs of the house won’t be including laundry and maid service!

I paid my mum £250pm 20 years ago for rent/food.

Ot should be £500pm now due to cost of living.

£70 pounds per month for a phone????? Wow!

Half of their pay? Wow!
And some posters charging £500!

Harsh.

So how much are you asking for Op? .

My Ds is about to start an apprenticeship . I need to see how it affects my Uc . Like you council tax will increase but once paid he will start paying his travel expenses himself. It’s about teaching them some of it is there’s to pay .

i call it board it isn’t rent it’s contribution to household

well id be showing your non dependant the table and suggest they might like to do some proper research into charge for staying at home living before they open the flood gates next time - their friends obviously weren't a good gauge of how much was the going rate

Spare rooms dot com is around average £550 in my area and that is all bills included but not food

@ssd

lol being an adult means paying your way and contributing. End of.
oh, and they’re not kids.

@LazyBumMum

oh yes of course when you decide to have children you should factor in whether or not you can subsidise them until the day they die. Honestly where does it end?! Do you still live at home and get subsidised by your parents?

@Taciturn, but why don't you trust your DC to save independently. Why treat them as incapable?

I am going to be charging them nothing for rent and food at home. However, I can afford it. DD will pay for anything she eats outside, or any special food she wants, or transport.

People have to do what they need to do; it doesnt' matter what others do.