Do your parents help you out with money without you asking

[Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger]

Our car broke down a few weeks and will cost £2000 to repair, we simply haven’t got it at the moment and are renting a car until we can save up/get a loan. It’s obviously very difficult to save up as the renting of the car is now costing us money. My parents know this and haven’t offered to help in any way (they can afford to) even as a loan. I won’t ask them.
Would your parents see this and offer to help? (If they were able to)

Yes, my parents used to help me out with money. The only time I asked was when I would sometimes ask my DM for a small loan, and sometimes she told me not to pay her back.

My parents wouldn't have helped even if I asked. But dh & 1 would help our dc.

Yes, my mum would offer to take care of it and we’ll arrange a repayment plan. They kindly replaced our boiler for £4K the day after we moved in here 😳😭

Yes, my parents would offer to pay straightaway.

My parents are very generous, they made good financial decisions so they give a lot away to less fortunate friends/family. My whole family is like that though. If someone is struggling they are helped without needing to even ask.

my mum wouldn’t offer but if I asked for a loan she would and more than likely just give me the money
but she’s approaching mid 80’s and at a point where she feels she doesn’t need her savings ( which really upsets me as she says she only a few years left so what’s the point of savings )
a few years ago she would of given me a loan

Yes, my parents absolutely would have helped me straight away and I wouldn't have had to ask them. That was their concept of family - and we now help our own children whenever we can.
My in laws on the other hand, definitely wouldn't help voluntarily, but would help grudgingly if asked, provided that the money was for something that they considered essential. They are very wealthy indeed. I guess that's how you become / remain rich. I'd rather help my children.

If they had the money then yes they would help. They have helped with other things in the past. Just like I would help my DC if they were struggling and I had the money.

My parents would never help me out financially, although love to tell me how much money they have.
I do help out my adult DC when I can because I know how hard life can be and it's lovely when someone offers a bit of help.

Yes, my parents would help. So would DH's dad if it was essential, but I think he'd need to be asked first.

Yes, we're adults but we're not as well off as our parents and none of them would want to see us struggle unnecessarily.

As my dad says to me "it'll all be yours one day anyway".

No, my mum helped us out with bills a few years ago but I asked each time. She said after she’d have been afraid I thought she thought we couldn’t handle it but I’d say she was just afraid we’d always assume she’d help. It’s horrible asking but I get that life is expensive enough without her bailing us out!

Yes I would help my son out
and I do give him money
He works hard but in a fairly low paid job same as his partner they are young 30 & 25

I bought him his first car and paid for his driving lessons
I also pay for his car insurance it renews on his birthday so it’s his birthday present

My son had a big deposit via inheritance from my parents

I have given him and his partner 3k when they moved into there house to buy stuff earlier this year
and I paid for the shutters to be installed
I also paid for the upstairs carpet and stair carpet
So they have probably had around 7-8k from me since January

I have them £100 a few weeks ago when they went to a pride weekend so they could treat themselves
and my son had a £500 car bill so I gave him £300 towards it

They don't ask I offer
My son might as well have it now rather than when I am dead

OK, maybe not. Where I am from, it would seem infantilising. On reflection, parental means and the nature of the need are defining, I suppose.

Millions manage without a dishwasher!

I help my DD out when I can. Sometimes she asks, but that's always a loan and she always pays it back (sometimes I let her off!).
I do this because when she was growing up we were poor and there were a lot of 'extras' she couldn't have.
Now I'm a bit better off, I'm glad to make her life easier.

I do know someone who absolutely expects their parents to pay for things, despite the fact that she can afford it. She has complained to me that her friends parents bought them houses and it's unfair that her parents haven't done that. 🤯 This is a 35 year old woman, not a stroppy child.

How do you know your parents can afford it. Are you the keeper of their financial affairs.

My dm was always giving me money when we didn’t need it particularly. If we ever had work done on the house or dc needed school uniforms or shoes dm would always offer to pay. I would try to refuse as we didn’t need it but she would shut me down and say she was paying and that was that. My dm received no help from her dp’s which is why she overcompensated with us. I will also help my dc, to me paying for driving lessons and helping through uni to some degree is bare minimum as a parent.

Accepting money as an independent adult wouldn't sit right with me - I'm perfectly capable of supporting my children and myself, thankyouverymuch

I wouldn't be so smug about it if I were you. Bad things can happen to any of us and any "independent adult" can find themselves on the bones of their arse with no money to their name and no means of supporting themselves.

...and even more millions manage without dishwashers. Paper plates because they don't like washing up, fhs!!

They'd give me their last penny and I wouldn't need to ask.

I know that MIL gives my DH "petrol money" when we visit her, it makes her happy and she'd be offended if he didn't accept it. In return he does her DIY, drives her anywhere she needs to go, we take her for days out and holidays etc.

I wouldn't be so smug about it if I were you. Bad things can happen to any of us and any "independent adult" can find themselves on the bones of their arse with no money to their name and no means of supporting themselves.

There's a hell of a lot you can do to prevent it though.

Whats worrying on this thread is the number of people who seemingly have less money as working adults, than their pensioner parents do. I wonder if lots of those posters are quite young, still in 20s.

Part of why i wouldn't take from my parents is (as is typical imo) as I'm hitting 40, i've got more than them. I'd expect to treat/help them, not the other way round.

Not generally, no.
Maybe your parents don't like your financial choices. Like paying to rent a car, which is dead money. It'd be cheaper to pay credit card interest on the repair bill than paying exorbitant rental fees.

It's a fact for many "middle class" (I realise that's outdated but just to show what I mean) and middle aged people that their boomer parents have way more money than them!

My dad was a fireman, my mum never really worked. They have no mortgage on a £500000+ house and lots of savings.

FIL was an nhs dentist, MIL a hygienist but didn't always work. They have no mortgage on a £million house and have told us they have over £100000 in their regular bank accounts.

Dh and I earn £100000 between us when both working but we can't afford to live in our house now Dh is out of work (hopefully short term). We looked at downsizing but our mortgage would go up (currently fixed) and renting even a smaller house with shared bedrooms for kids would cost the same as our mortgage.

My point being that lots of people are worse off than their parents!

Oh and I'm 46, not in my 20s

It's actually incredibly common for people to have less than their parents nowadays.

My parents' house tripled in value (and then some) while they owned it, despite doing no work at all. They managed to sell it for nearly half a million and bought a new place outright in their fifties.

They don't have a mortgage, they stopped work at 60, have no financial commitments and own brand new cars.

DH and I work full time, have a run down terrace because that's all we could afford, we have no spare cash as the house always needs something doing to it. We have 2nd/3rd hand bangers we run into the ground as it's what we can afford.

We're not even poor, life is just bloody expensive!

Agree @imnotthatkindofmum - they came of age in a totally different housing market for a start and then many started buying investment properties thanks to generous tax incentives which pushed prices up further. Now they are still living in their huge houses because they didn't get around to downsizing when they were still capable. I can see why they want to stay where they are in a much-loved home, but it does make it harder for families who would actually use all those bedrooms and the local schools. I don't think anyone is entitled to their family's money but when my kids are older I will try to help them with houses and other things as much as I can because there's no point hoarding money - you can't take it with you.