Do your parents help you out with money without you asking

[Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger]

Our car broke down a few weeks and will cost £2000 to repair, we simply haven’t got it at the moment and are renting a car until we can save up/get a loan. It’s obviously very difficult to save up as the renting of the car is now costing us money. My parents know this and haven’t offered to help in any way (they can afford to) even as a loan. I won’t ask them.
Would your parents see this and offer to help? (If they were able to)

My parents never had much spare. There was one occasion when I'd been saving for a bit of outdoor play equipment for the kids, was short £20,every time I had a bit spare, one of them needed shoes or something else cropped up. Mum won the jackpot at bingo, £100 and they were so thrilled to give me that £20. It seems like so little 30 years later but at the time it was a big thing.

My dad would help if I mentioned it. For example our washing machine broke down at the start of the year and I was telling him about it, just in that we might need to use his machine for a day or two if we got desperate. Next day there is £500 in cash shoved through our letterbox. It wasn't that we couldn't afford it. I think he just like to help out.

No and never have
Only DM left and how with dementia I wouldn’t ask - previous experience tells me when I’ve asked for financial help in the past - loans are ok - gifts are not
I have adult DC myself and I notice and offer financial help as and when I can and they need it

How lovely. My mum would have done the same 🥰

Of course not, I am an adult.

I do have two friends who have received hand-outs -'allowances'- from their parents for decades, as long as I've known them, and I it is utterly bizarre to me that their self-respect permits it. I think it might be a British thing?

My PIL would. I don’t have parents but my aunt would offer me the money.

PIL give us money now and again as a gift - £5k for a porch a few years back, £1000 at Christmas. Stuff like that.

They’d never want to see us in a state.

@LetTheCardsFallWhereTheyMay what’s a British thing?

Yes of course we would - I wouldn't want my children worrying about paying for something while we had the money to help them, I think that's part of being a parent. No point in it sitting in a bank and then getting it when we're no longer here if they need it now!

MerryOldGoat, Adult children receiving / expecting to receive hand-outs from parents, despite having their own salaried employment.

Yes, both my parents and PILs would offer if they knew we were in need. We're not and haven't been for a long time but they would.

I think it really depends on people’s attitudes to money and I don’t think it’s anything to do with “self-respect”.

I really don’t think so.

I’m from a West Indian family and it’s common to give money to children for us.

My Colombian friend has lots of cash from her parents.

I just think some families like to share their wealth/good fortune and some don’t.

We have loaned large sums of money to two out of three of our children. The youngest doesn't need any yet. But our children did ask. We wouldn't offer in case it offends.

You say they can afford to. How do you know this

But if you really think they can then ask /suggest to them that if they could help you and they loan you x amount and you will then pay them back x amount a month for x months till paid off

Is there a reason why you can't get a loan now for a car so saving money hiring one as that's dead money and obv money not going towards a new car payment

@LetTheCardsFallWhereTheyMay what a strange post. Some families help each other out. Mine do. My mum has been giving money/gifts to her sister for decades because she doesn't make as much money and wants to make sure her sister has nice treats etc (e.g. once bought her a good TV, a good smartphone another year, subsidised a few holidays along the years). My parents have helped me too. They're really not particularly loaded at all but want to help. Now they're retiring, I'm helping them. My dad mentioned that my mum can't justify a nice hair dresser anymore on her pension. So I made her an appointment and will treat her for her birthday because I can easily afford it. If she at any point needs ANYTHING, I will help. She's a good mum and deserves it.

What goes around, comes around.

My DH's family is the total opposite and I find it odd and a bit cold (I've never said that obviously as it's not my place to expect anything, but I can think it).

Yes mine would've offered. My parents lent my grandparents money to get an extension on their house so I'm not sure what being an "adult" has to do with it since it can go either way. Just family helping each other out surely? I would question what was the point in having a parent in my life who doesn't have my back when I need help-IF they are in the position to be able to ofc.

Maybe they work on the basis that they can't take it with them. And actually gifting money during your lifetime means you get to see you kids enjoying it

Also: I would help my parents out if they needed money and I could afford to. And I think they'd do vice versa (though, to be fair, they are very conscious of not favouring some children over others, so they might find it hard to help out one of us without providing a similar amount to siblings).

Anyway, it's not necessarily a one-way street.

Nope. Even when I point blank asked for financial help I was told I was an adult and had to figure it out 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it's everything to do with self-respect. Accepting money as an independent adult wouldn't sit right with me - I'm perfectly capable of supporting my children and myself, thankyouverymuch 😄

We have three adult children and we have always given them money when we know they are struggling. I could never imagine standing by and not helping them. It makes us happy to be able to reduce the burden on them.

My mum was the same. When we were first married she knew we had no spare cash and every time she visited us would leave some under my pillow, stuffed in my coat pocket or other place I would find it after she had left (she knew I wouldn’t take it if offered). It made such a difference to us and we’ve never forgotten to ‘pass that on’ to our own.

You would be unreasonable to EXPECT them to help, but you would not be unreasonable to think they would WANT to help you.

No.

He would if we asked, but he wouldn't offer. I had to ask him to fund half my outdoor wheelchair (after I raised the other half).

He did, he could easily afford it at the time, but it just wouldn't occur to him to offer.

It is not what I'd do in his shoes, on the other hand it is his money, not mine.

Nope. My parents do give me birthday money each year to be fair, but they don't and have never given me money for anything. I did get some money from grandparents when they were alive. My parents are very well off, with at least five investment properties (I think, they are very private about their wealth) and they would never hand out money. I had a job when I was 13 and onwards, bought my clothes from charity shops, didn't really get haircuts until later on and supported myself once I left home and have done so ever since.

In some ways I am grateful as I have managed to support myself and am now completely independent and stable financially, but it would have been nice to have been given some support from them. It's not their way though.

The funny thing is they are still so stingy even in their late 70s/80s and all that money and property is just sitting there now and they aren't really well enough to even enjoy it.

I am the opposite with my kids (probably too much so) and I wonder where the middle ground is when it comes to supporting your kids - I possibly spend too much on them, and they certainly have no incentive to get a shitty job in a chicken shop as 13 year olds like I did.

No. Dad is wealthy but no.

I finf it so sad that wealthy parents don't share wealth. How odd.