DP called me a middle class racist

[Whoswhoof]

Just now. Discussing the upcoming election. Both always voted labour. I said I’m voting Tory in the upcoming GE for a multitude of reasons, some of which come under the bracket of gender identity, kids sex ed, general tightening of illegal immigration, not taxing private schools. I explained you kind of just have to vote for the party that most aligns with your beliefs as you’re never going to agree with all of them (I don’t agree with a lot of Tory policies, but the ones that are important to me are relevant)

DP then jokes “So you’re a middle class racist now!” Then says only joking. DP will be voting labour.

Aibu to think this is quite out of order?

edited for typo!

OP you said

DP then jokes “So you’re a middle class racist now!”

I know that jokes aren’t always funny but this suggests you don’t think that there’s bad intention from your h.

In our house, when people are selfish, we call it acting like a Tory. Ds now always offers to get a drink when he gets one for himself so win-win for me.

There is nothing in this earth that would make me vote tory. Despicable bastards. All politicians are sneaky but that lot I absolutely cannot abide. Ur partner is just saying that as that’s obvz what he thinks of them. Each to their own. If you don’t want to hear opinions just say ur votes between me and the ballot box

As Tory voters are middle class racists apparently 🤷‍♀️

hes said in the past how we “should technically” be tories due to the proposed tax brackets but how awful it would be if we were as it’s just looking out for yourself. Whilst I agree somewhat it’s not why I’m voting Tory.

I don’t know the comment has just got my back up a little.

he also scoffed and said “wow well I’d be keeping that to yourself as you’re looking for trouble if anybody knows you’ve voted Tory.”

Presumably because of her wanting fewer immigrants here? Not saying she is but it’s a common accusation.

Considering Brexit and Rwanda, I think that racism isn’t an unreasonable allegation to make but considering it eg anti-semitism by Labour, I’m not sure that your h can get away Scot-free.

Ok, thanks for clarifying.
I think maybe just keep voting preferences to yourself in the interests of domestic harmony.

Firstly I would never vote Tory but hate the way that tory = racist in any discussion, its utterly regressive and ignorant. My dad votes tory, he is not a racist in any way shape or form

Secondly, OP your ethnicity is irrelevant, anyone can be racist no matter what ethnicity you are, so mentioning your own ethnicity in this discussion also is regressive, you dont need to do that.

Thirdly, voting Tory due to wanting to reduce/increase/maintain immigration levels from whoever also does not equal racism.

Are you 12?

He’s being childish.

If you want the Tories to tighten immigration I take it you don't want universities?

Oh it gets better! He’s now just said his family wouldn’t speak to me if they knew that!

and apparently id be hated by all where we’re from. Think the Friday night tipples are letting his true feelings out.

You seem to be voting for them because you think it'll save you in private school fees, so it does seem a lot like you are just looking out for yourself.

*DP then jokes “So you’re a middle class racist now!” Then says only joking. DP will be voting labour.

Aibu to think this is quite out of order?*

Hard one, really.

On the one hand, one would assume you've experienced racism yourself and to be called racist is deeply offensive, so yanbu.

On the other, there's no denying that the policies you've expressed support for are also strongly supported by racist & bigoted individuals - of course, not everyone who agrees with these policies is racist or bigoted (and I'm genuinely not suggesting you are) but...
it's genuinely baffling to many that one would vote for the Tories on this basis when they're responsible for most of the problems besieging the country. And their "tightening of illegal immigration" has actually been extended to preventing refugees fleeing war zones from getting to the UK through any legal route - a policy which has earned the UK international condemnation.

So, some might feel that your husband's quip was understandable and I'm guessing he views their policies as too extreme. I do hope you can work it out between you however, because its a painful rift to have between you.

However, he agrees with private education, so he can't be much of a Labour supporter?

Just tell him you’ve changed your mind and will vote the same as him. Then at the ballot box, vote whatever you want. He’ll never know.

Agrees with private education? What is there to not agree with? Doing what’s essentially best for our kids?

and no im not voting Tory to save on school fees, we don’t fall into the bracket of being on our arses or having to take our kids out of their schools due to the increase, but there are plenty that will and it’s frankly appalling.

It’s ok OP you’ll get used to being called a racist. 😉

I agree with someone up thread who said the word had lost all meaning… see also bully…stalker… harassed…literally… and ironically ’ironic’

Tbh OP I can’t see what’s your problem now? Your DH knows his family so he is probably right about their possible reaction.
I always warned my DH if there was something like this when we were visiting relatives.

I just think it’s bizarre to say when I’m extremely close with his family, especially his parents and young cousins. I do a lot for them, we have a great relationship, they really love me as I do them. But they apparently wouldn’t speak to me about a vote?

The problem with an unequal society, particularly one which has been made greatly more unequal over the last 14 years, is that it makes the opportunities that private education can bring more desirable. I can't condemn any parent for wanting the best for their child, for wanting to give them a leg up in the world especially if the parents have struggled and worked hard to be successful themselves.

Unfortunately, it feeds the beast. While I have sympathy for people who wouldn't be able to privately educated their children with fee increases, the VAT policy will be a step in re-levelling the playing field. And theres a huge argument that privately schools need to learn to manage their finances better if they're so threatened by VAT. Fees have already increased directly as a result of Tory governance.

Why should the public subsidise the exclusionary education of the few?

It sounds like he has strong political views and so do his family. The personal impact of some Tory policies has been devastating and hard to forgive for many over the decades so I understand their pov. You don’t share it and that’s your right but you also don’t get to control their reactions. Obviously if someone is abusive to you that’s not okay but it sounds like this is robust disagreement rather than anything more.

Well he's got a point. You seriously can't be that ignorant to not recognize that?

That some people will vote tory to save a bit of cash on school fees at the expense of everything else, the NHS, Austerity, food banks etc is mind blowing.

You're welcome! Glad you managed to do edit your original post in time!

Also, you're not a racist for voting Tory! Your DP is talking daft! I'm not gonna be voting for them, but you're entitled to if you want to.

Oh, come on now. You know that Labour supporters do not usually agree with private education like your husband does.
I'm not trying to get into a row about this.
I'm saying he's being hypocritical.

I was just wondering why the Labour voting husband is ok with the private education.