Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

[IRole]

Ok so the title may be slightly exaggerated.

Dp is young but sort of old beyond his years which is fine. But he has to do things his way and is very rigid. Dp and I have spoken about seeking a formal diagnosis for autism as he fits many of the symptoms. Anyway, works for us as I like his planning nature as I am a the opposite.

Recently dp and I had plans with brother and SIL to do an activity. It involved a three hour drive which was perfectly pleasant. Anyway, as we arrived at the destination for this activity Dp just bolts and is like a man on the mission. He is bolting to get said activity going. Now there was no time sensitivity and we had all the time in the world. Any way as I’m trying to tell him to just take in the moment and chill, I catch BIL and sister roll their eyes and start to stifle laughter. It was that type of hysterical laughter which you have to separate to stop. I could see SIL basically motioning at brother to stop looking at her. It was not done in an obnoxious way. But it stung.

100% DP’s behaviour was odd for the group setting and he was not picking up on the social dynamic.

im just hurt. Brother and SIL did reference the behaviour but im embarrassed.

AIBU?

Well if your dp ran ahead with you after him trying to keep up I would have dissolved into giggles too.
He sounds like Martin from Ever Decreasing Circles.
I’m laughing just imagining the situation.

We can’t always control what amuses us.

I’m surprised they found him rushing off so hysterically funny if I’m honest…

Yes because 71% accept that sometimes amusing situations occur and as the dh was streaking ahead they could hardly laugh with him.

We don’t all have sticks up our bum.

There are some really mean people on this thread.

No sticks up bums here, but thanks for your interest.

If that's your attitude I presume it's just fine and dandy with you if people laugh at you, then?

Do you think it's funny to laugh at people with disabilities (which autism is), do you laugh at people in wheelchairs often for example?

I’m sure you feel protective of him but I also think you have to accept that people will have a snigger at him if he’s a bit odd. It’s just life.

OP, I would found it hurtful to. It's one way to find somethign a bit amusing and smiling to yourself, and another to laugh at someone so bad you can barely breathe. People behave in different ways and have a tight to have quirks, Id be telling your brother you found his behaviour hurtful and not be arranging meetups in future.

Because as my autistic DH will tell you autistic people can also do silly, daft things that makes someone chuckle and laugh. Just like I do absurd stuff sometimes and raise a chuckle from my family (including DH).

He doesn't have an autistic diagnosis though. He hasn't even been for an assessment. If OP took your advice and told her brother her DP had a specific condition that means he behaves in certain ways it would be a lie - he MAY have a specific condition, or he might not. Not everyone who occasionally exhibits slightly unusual behaviours is autistic, in fact it's more ableist to assume that.

OP's brother and SIL have spent, what a few days in total with the DP since OP has known him (if they've met 15 times), and there is no indication that they've been told about the autism considerations.

It is perfectly normal for EVERYONE to do slightly odd, annoying, or funny things sometimes, and for other people to notice these things.

I wonder how they'd feel if it was their child or partner being laughed at.

I might laugh at someone in a wheelchair if they did something funny- like fart inappropriately. And I knew them well enough. I would crack up.
Having a disability doesn’t mean that you are devoid of human foibles.
And BIL and SIL do not know that DH is disabled so they are not laughing as his disability. They are chuckling at a funny situation.

I’m autistic and dyspraxic and laugh at some of my quirks and foibles and I have no problem with my family laughing at them too because we’re laughing together.

If someone is distressed then that’s one thing but otherwise I see no problem with this.

I’m autistic not made of glass. I’m tired of other autistic people expecting all of us to be treated like we are.

Also inappropriate laughter can be an autistic trait too. I laughed my head off when a friend scalded herself(She was fine) but though I laughed(involuntarily) I wasn’t at all amused. I was terrified and didn’t actually find it funny but my brain mixes up my emotions sometimes so I’m hardly going to criticise someone for doing the same.

As OP tells it, though, they were laughing at him, not with him. There's a difference.

Get used to being laughed at?

what an odious human you are

Would everyone find it amusing if instead of a man doing 'silly' where a woman with some anxiety doing 'silly'?
Personally and after nearly 50 years on this planet I'm sick of people finding amusing mine.
Just because they are not particularly visible doesn't mean that the individual who suffers it is struggling in some situation that others would find normal.

oooh what an angry little teddy

You’re assuming he doesn't have the ability to laugh at himself and be in on the joke.

Of course because I don’t take myself seriously.
And sometimes I do daft things.

Family members I adore have quirks that make me laugh and I try to stifle the giggles. I love them even more for the quirks. If they are nice people then accept it is affectionate and celebrate his quirks!

I can see why this stung a bit.
If their laughing at him is a one off Id let it lie. Id say something only if they make a regular event of it.

I think the issue is that they're not really family, and OP says the ice between them has never really been properly broken.

It was also done behind his back rather than as a "Oh Joe, don't be so daft" scenario.

I think I'm the only one struggling to picture the scene, but I genuinely can't make sense of this without knowing what the activity was.

I mean, if it was like paintballing or something and he was bolting off to not miss the briefing/get decent equipment etc then your brother was being weird.

If it was a stroll round a stately home then I think one of you should have asked him to slow down and your brother and his wife should have been doing that not snickering behind his back.