To wonder if you would consider him a good catch?

[Twix33]

No driving licence
Has been living at home for years, has a decent deposit but apparently there's 'nothing on the market ' yet
Earns just over min wage- said he's happy where he is ATM, applied for 1 promotion then gave up
Refuses to do overtime to earn any more
No particular hobbies outside of the usual footy, going for food etc.
Said he couldn't be bothered to learn another language, even just a few words
No particular skills or talents
I'd say he's fairly nice but not lovely, he's one of those who's good at acting friendly and being polite but he's not the most honest of people and wouldn't go out of his way for you, but he's not nasty or aggressive at all
I'd say he is ok ish looking, wouldn't consider handsome at all

You're probably thinking what on earth is the point of this thread, but if you read this list would you think 'id go for someone like that', or 'I can do better'?

Not so much in this day and age but the lack of honesty would be a bigger turn off than all the other things put together.

To be fair most of the people on this thread probably aren’t doing anything that interesting with their lives (or is that just me?😂).

Living with your parents could be seen as a bad sign but a lot of young people do these days because they can’t afford to do otherwise. OP did say he was saving for a deposit.

Totally agree. I don’t drive (used to but gave up), I don’t speak another language and I’ve only had jobs rather than careers. But, a very important factor, I’m not dishonest. All the other things just sound like someone who knows his comfort zone and likes it, not for everyone, but then who is?

I do hate the 'tick box' exercise that some people apply to everyone they meet, including potential BFs, to see whether they are worthy of their attention.

Now there are certain qualities that should be a bare minimum e.g. are they nice, polite, kind etc.
There are others that may be needed for a practical reasons eg a driver's license because you live remotely (as I did growing up)

@Twix33 what are the qualities that are important to you? Does he have any of them? Is it worth going for a coffee to find out?

8 pages and I still don't know WHY the Op posted in the 1st place...

Bloody hell! He sounds so soddin' B.O.R.I.N.G!

There's got to be someone better and more interesting out there!

Just "fairly nice but not lovely" would be enough to edit him out of dating potential for me. I want someone lovely.

But the low earnings and ambition would also be an issue. Ultimately, I want a lifestyle that can support things like owning a house, having dc, going on holiday. I'm not looking for an extra dependant, I want a partner.

With luck, in four years time, this will describe my 27 year old (SEN) son, who will be / is seeking a female life partner. I'm not expecting it to be easy for him - for the reasons clearly articulated in this thread.

The lack of honestly would be the biggest deal breaker. Huge problem. Also, sounds like he won't have people's back in general and you can't rely on him. Lack of curiosity for life also an issue.

Agreed! Just what is this Mumsnet obsession with being able to drive?!

^ this. You've painted quite a negative picture here tbh, your posts aren't exactly neutral.

Some stuff I wouldn't be bothered about

• lack of driving doesn't bother me if he can get himself around and lives centrally enough.

• living at home again with the cost of rental properties etc these days I'd admire him doing this to save money for a deposit which he's done.

• being unsure about kids but maybe one day again I think is fine, lots of people in that boat.

-speaking other languages is a great skill to have but i wouldn't judge someone on that. I know how often i start the likes of duolingo and then it's months before i get round to it again.

The rest just seems like he's content doing the minimum and going with the flow rather than being motivated and focused on achieving things for himself and his life. That's not wrong in itself but if it's not what you're like as a person then you're probably not a match.

I still don't really see the point of the post though. Either you like and are attached to him or you aren't. If you are then date him and see how it goes, if you aren't then don't.

@BadRover

and that's why I was trying to find the real purpose of the post

as it really didn't come across as the Op was dating the man.

Your post reads like you definitely don’t think he is a good catch. I thought it was going to turn out that you were describing a friend’s boyfriend who you were trying to convince her to dump.

His plus points are minimal, basic qualities you’d expect of anyone you spend time with. They don’t counter the all criticisms. Do you feel any excitement about him the way people tend to about their boyfriends/ partner?

Well, it’s an odd question because you’ve described him in a way that is obviously from a negative perspective. You would get very different answers if you said: “He’s been saving up really hard to get on the property ladder, even though he doesn’t earn a big salary. He doesn’t have any expensive, obsessive hobbies or fill his time with activities, so he’s always got time for me. He’s a kind, friendly, laidback guy and he’s not materialistic at all.”

Basically, yes, to me he sounds like a dull, mediocre man whom you don’t even like, let alone find attractive. You have already decided for yourself (correctly, I think) that he isn’t right for you so why are you asking what other people think? Even if this man did sound like a catch to every other woman in the world, that would still not be a valid reason for you to date him, because you don’t like him. Seriously, have some dignity and ditch him instead of settling for someone you’re not even vaguely fond of.

I'd say he's fairly nice but not lovely, he's one of those who's good at acting friendly and being polite but he's not the most honest of people and wouldn't go out of his way for you, but he's not nasty or aggressive at all

He seems a bit too laid back/lazy for me but the only thing that would actually put me off is the fact that he’s not honest and not lovely (although this seems to be you being overly harsh).

If this is your friends partner then I think it’s very odd that you’re putting so much though and energy into it.

He may not be your ideal partner but that doesn’t matter because it’s not about you.

Are you single?
Tbh you sound a bit jealous.

"I'd say he's fairly nice but not lovely, he's one of those who's good at acting friendly and being polite but he's not the most honest of people and wouldn't go out of his way for you"

If this what you think of them, then you obviously aren't going to date him. Most of the other stuff is materialistic not necessarily bad qualities ( earns minimum wage, doesn't drive ).

If he was a lovely , funny guy then he's worth getting to know.

But that bit I've quoted..if you know this for a fact then why would you even consider this person?

Ah that’s a fair point. OP never actually said she was dating him perhaps he’s her friend’s boyfriend. Which just makes this thread even weirder.

Nope.

I'd have nothing in common with him. No interests, no drive.

If he was, say, a carer and said 'I've not had the chance to do x, I'd like to' that would be one thing. This guy is a just a big bag of can't be arsed. And that's not attractive to me at all. What a turn off.

My DP is epileptic so he:

Works a (just above), minimum wage job.....he's grateful he's got a job as the jobs he can do are limited
Has no driving licence.....we have to wait another 8 months (if he is seizure free until then)
Doesn't go out much......worried about having a seizure in a public place
Lived at home until aged 37.........didn't want to live alone due to his fear of having a bad seizure and no-one to help, or living in a house share and have people panicking
Finds it difficult to retain new information so learning a new language would be a hassle
Doesn't travel abroad much....insurance costs a bomb
One of his "triggers" is an elevated heart rate so exercise/sports is risky

So maybe, just maybe, there is a reason the man you describe appears so "boring" to you or maybe not, but had I had your attitude when I met DP, I would not have had 23 years of fun with the loveliest man.

Why would you want to be with someone who “doesn’t go out of his way” for you? Are you dating a guy or a mushroom? 🍄

My friend married a guy similar to this, although he does drive and earns about the average wage.

She did this because she was in her early 30s and really wanted kids (and to a lesser extent, the social status of being someone's wife). For a number of reasons there weren't really many other prospects on the horizon. Eg, she's not exactly conventionally attractive, somewhat socially awkward, not into the pubbing and clubbing scene, etc.

It's been a mixed bag for her, so far. She has the kids she wanted so badly, and is blissfully happy being a mum. But her marriage doesn't seem all that great. She and her husband lead fairly separate lives, and I don't think she's really into him in the physical sense. Also, he's lazy when it comes to housework and chores, because he lived at home for so long and had his mum do everything for him. So my friend has had to pick up a lot of his slack.

So OP, I guess it really comes down to what you want? And realistically, what your chances of finding someone 'better' are?

Apart from practical reasons to drive I don’t like a lot of MNrs attitude that not driving makes someone a loser. There are plenty of very successful people who can’t drive. Fine for everyone to have their likes and dislikes but character assassination of non drivers isn’t acceptable.