To wonder if you would consider him a good catch?

[Twix33]

No driving licence
Has been living at home for years, has a decent deposit but apparently there's 'nothing on the market ' yet
Earns just over min wage- said he's happy where he is ATM, applied for 1 promotion then gave up
Refuses to do overtime to earn any more
No particular hobbies outside of the usual footy, going for food etc.
Said he couldn't be bothered to learn another language, even just a few words
No particular skills or talents
I'd say he's fairly nice but not lovely, he's one of those who's good at acting friendly and being polite but he's not the most honest of people and wouldn't go out of his way for you, but he's not nasty or aggressive at all
I'd say he is ok ish looking, wouldn't consider handsome at all

You're probably thinking what on earth is the point of this thread, but if you read this list would you think 'id go for someone like that', or 'I can do better'?

I call people kid or kiddo as a turn or endearment. It's not an insult.

If it grinds your gears, fine, they are your gears.

It doesn't make him a bad man.

Imagine creating a thread just to bitch about someone.

I think the main problem here is the first 3.
If he had a decent job, rented a flat and probably could drive he'd seem to have more going for him. I could forgive the rest of the list as quite a lot of people are like that.

But as it stands, no, not for me.
But hey we all have our good and bad points.

This is a surprisingly hard line. It is extremely rare to find somebody who would tell the absolute truth in all circumstances. Because that would involve insulting and upsetting people at times etc. There is a reason we can't all hear each others' thoughts.

I don't know many people who advocate, and succeed in, total honesty in every single circumstance. So if you believe somebody cannot be a "man" (or on assumes a "woman") if they ever tell a lie in any circumstances - I just think that is unrealistic. Sometimes telling a lie can seem like the kindest action in the circumstances, or the one that will lead to the best outcome for others.

Would you nor, for example, lie if it was the only way to protect an innocent person?

First one alone would do it for me. 31 and can’t drive! What a turn off.

He clearly isn't a good catch for you, but he might be for someone else... someone who can look over the things you can't.
Let him go so he can find that person.

What is the point of your post ?

I initially asked if this was re your daughter's boyfriend

now I ask, is this your son ?

or maybe your brother ?

😂😂😂

😂😂😂

I would say he's not a particularly good catch in most women's eyes but I don't personally see any red flags. I don't mind a guy living with his parents at all, in fact I might even see it as a positive. I'd rather that than a divorced dad of three with his own place but different strokes and all that.

I'm not ambitious myself so doubt I'd date a high flyer so another thing that wouldn't bother me. If he's dishonest in a little white lie kind of way to spare people's feelings that's a plus, if he's dishonest in other ways then that's more problematic. I'd need someone to have my back though so saying he wouldn't go out of his way for you is not great, but depends what evidence you actually have that he wouldn't. Maybe he'd surprise you.

There are far worse men out there but we all know that's a low bar!

As a non driver myself, you lost me there as I don't see that as a negative. I'm perfectly capable of getting myself around.

Whilst he doesn't sound like a big earning, pin striped, 'Nigel' favoured by your average dour Mumsnetter, I guess it depends on how much of a 'catch' the OP is.

Take one lot at most heterosexual couples knocking about and it is fair to say that most people are fairly evenly matched in terms of looks and ambition.

Doesn’t drive and is dishonest, that’s a no for me.

If he's not for you he's not for you. Doesn't make either of you bad people.

If we were both in sixth form, several of those things could be easily overlooked (esp no driving licence, min wage job, living at home but saving a bit, not great at languages).
At 31, significantly less interested! (not a catch)

There are things on that list that wouldn't work for me, but there are things about me that wouldn't work for many people. If you want kids, I'd look for a man who's already enthusiastic about having them, too. But even aside from that matter, your appraisal of him isn't very positive. At first, I was wondering if you were describing your son, brother, or friend (trying to gauge why he couldn't get a girlfriend) rather than a potential partner for yourself. If you're already thinking you can do better, that's a sign you're not right for each other. Or have I missed something and you're not considering dating him? Or already are...?

Honesty is essential to me, absolutely 100% essential. Some of the others I might overlook, might…. Maybe… but honesty is essential.

Honey, raise your standards. You’re better than this.

Same. He actually sounds like me, lol. But the dishonesty - nope, no chance.

He might even shower daily, but no none of that ticks him over into having any appeal. You’ve listed just enough good points that I’d have no objection to him living in the same town, but if he were a tradie or businessman I’d recommend my friends use someone else. NOT DATING MATERIAL.

Which interesting countries and why did he go there? Did he organise it all himself, or was he "along for the ride" with mates or an ex-partner?

The main thing for me would be the dishonesty. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone I knew would lie to me, even if it were for "good" reasons. It's too easy for a man to not tell you about, for example, visiting a strip club (assuming you would have an issue with it) because he knew it would hurt your feelings so wanted to spare you that hurt. Lie = bye.

Also, I know lots of people who live in London and don't drive because they just don't need to. It's different if you're out in the sticks with a bus every two hours (when it's not cancelled). I would put not driving in the neutral column if London-based but in the negative column if living somewhere where driving is more important.

Id be miserable because my husband doesnt have a hobby and sounds a bit boring overall?
The only real negative is that he doesnt go out of his way for others and thats not always an advantage. My husband is a people pleaser to the point its annoying. Of course he should go out of his way for his special someone.

The way you talk about him suggests you have disdain for him so I’m not sure why you’re considering a relationship with him. You paint an unflattering picture. Living with parents and saving up and not being able to drive wouldn’t be reasons I’d reject someone if I really liked and fancied them. But you just seem to be listing all his bad qualities, how he’s mean, unmotivated etc so I’m not sure what you’re seeking from the thread tbh.

That’s the part that got me, too.