Unreliable friend’s party - what would you do?

[Doglover321]

Hi ladies, I could really do with some advice. A few months ago, I organised and booked to go to a local curry house to celebrate my birthday. 33 people - including my good friend R and her partner A - said they could attend. As time went on, R kept telling me how excited she was and how good the curry looked.

However, a few days before we were due to meet, she dropped out, saying her and A ‘don’t know the others very well’. This wasn’t exactly true. She knew myself and 8 others, and one of these 8 she even invited round her house for a Halloween party. I attempted to reassure her that she did know others and even said I would sit next to her and A, but she still wasn’t budging. I said to wait and see if you’re up for it on the day and let me know. She messaged on the day saying they’re ‘not feeling it’ and then I see pictures of them on social media posing next to the barbecue, cooking lamb kebabs.

I have since organised a trip to Cosmo Buffet, open to all through the Meetup app. She has seen one of my advertisements and said she’d love to go but has a wedding. I responded to her with: ‘enjoy the wedding. Thought you didn’t like meals where you don’t know people well?’ Nothing back

Now, HER birthday is next month at a social club and I GENUINELY won’t know anyone and will be attending alone. What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to be petty, but also don’t agree with her behaviour. It’s not as though they don’t like Indian food either. R loves Indian and A IS Indian!

TIA for any comments xx

She came to my birthday meal last year where she didn’t actually know anyone. Now she does know people, and one of the 8 she invited to hers for a Halloween party

I feel like the situation would be different if she was intending on coming to the meal alone. She would have been with her partner and I even offered to sit next to them both. Plus they knew quite well 8 others who attended

Are you on commission for this app or what? 🤣All your posts centre around falling out with friends and this Meet up app

No, this is the first post I’ve made about a fall out. And it’s not so much a fall out

maybe their finances were stretched this month and both attending would have put pressure on them

What is a meet up app? I’m intrigued

I think you've already done the petty thing with the snide wedding comment so you can let it go now

You really really really need to let your Birthday meal go. It's becoming a bit obsessive.

First you start a thread because you invited all these random people, you dont know to your birthday meal and you were worried because you thought they might not pay for their own meals

Second you start a thread because you thought it was rude only a few people bought you gifts, even though everyone paid for their own meals

Now you start a new thread because a friend didn't want to come to your birthday meal because - drum roll - she wouldn't know anyone there, which is not surprising because you didn't even know most of the people who came.

Seriously, I mean this kindly, ou have to het over this birthday meal. You've had lots of birthdays and you will have many more birthdays to come.

Make like Elsa - Let It Go.

Oh talk sense. You said they declined earlier and it was you who said to decide on the day. Unless either is a long range meteorologist, you need to get a grip.

Ahhhh things are making more sense.

You can’t go around flexing about having 33 people at your birthday party when actually you hijacked a Meet Up.

Sorry to sound glib, but it's an app, for meeting up. People post events available to the general public and other users of the app sign up to them. Normally there's some kind of loose 'theme' or activity that the meet up is based on, games evenings, book clubs, dog walks etc. Or sometimes it's more loose than that, e.g. coffee or drinks in a bar but usually the host sets some guidelines or parameters e.g. coffee morning for women over 50, cocktails for politically minded 20 somethings, pizza for men who like football, that sort of thing, so that people know they're going along to meet vaguely like minded people. Or you can literally just say 'meal at x venue, everyone and anyone welcome' as OP seems to, that's allowed, people sign up to what they want after all. I personally have used the app for more of the special interest side but it's very popular especially in big cities and with the youngsters to meet people to hang out with...

For months she said she would be coming and is very excited. And then 3 days before the meal dropped out. I said to just let me know on the day if you change your mind. She messaged on the day to say they’re ‘not feeling it’ and then a few hours later they’re uploading pictures of them posing next to the barbecue, cooking lamb kebabs, with what might have been their neighbours in the background

Oh yes, the 'shadows in the background' that could have been people 🙄.

Just don't go. You don't trust or believe her, don't go.

Do want you actually want to do, but you're being juvenile as hell. She said she didn't want to go, you then got snarky, now you're wanting to be retaliatory. Doesn't sound that you think much of friendship, and should step away from it

This.

What would you do in this situation?

Bring her a present that costs at least £10.

?? What do you mean

You had 33 people to a birthday meal? That's so many people.

If she was a genuine friend I'd go. If not then I'd pass.

You again? Can you not let your 'party' of
Non friends go?

Or a bag of sweets iirc...

Nailed it.

I think it's a good thing when people are honest enough to call off just because they don't want to go to a thing , rather than making up a lie.

Your friend had done nothing wrong.

Go to her party if you want to , don't if you don't.

But don't not go to punish her. That's properly arsey

Lamb kebabs?? Is this detail a clue?

That was your definition of required etiquette when going to a birthday party (or self-paying dinner). You had a whole thread on it. You can’t have forgotten?