Unreliable friend’s party - what would you do?

[Doglover321]

Hi ladies, I could really do with some advice. A few months ago, I organised and booked to go to a local curry house to celebrate my birthday. 33 people - including my good friend R and her partner A - said they could attend. As time went on, R kept telling me how excited she was and how good the curry looked.

However, a few days before we were due to meet, she dropped out, saying her and A ‘don’t know the others very well’. This wasn’t exactly true. She knew myself and 8 others, and one of these 8 she even invited round her house for a Halloween party. I attempted to reassure her that she did know others and even said I would sit next to her and A, but she still wasn’t budging. I said to wait and see if you’re up for it on the day and let me know. She messaged on the day saying they’re ‘not feeling it’ and then I see pictures of them on social media posing next to the barbecue, cooking lamb kebabs.

I have since organised a trip to Cosmo Buffet, open to all through the Meetup app. She has seen one of my advertisements and said she’d love to go but has a wedding. I responded to her with: ‘enjoy the wedding. Thought you didn’t like meals where you don’t know people well?’ Nothing back

Now, HER birthday is next month at a social club and I GENUINELY won’t know anyone and will be attending alone. What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to be petty, but also don’t agree with her behaviour. It’s not as though they don’t like Indian food either. R loves Indian and A IS Indian!

TIA for any comments xx

Thanks - yeah I don’t know anyone who will be going to hers, not even the tiniest bit

She wasn't flaky though she declined your invite and you pushed it telling her to let you know on the day when she'd already said no.

Lifes too short for petty game playing.

Declined it after months of saying she was coming and really excited

Swerve it.

Why make the effort? She didn't..

I responded to her with: ‘enjoy the wedding. Thought you didn’t like meals where you don’t know people well?

Yet:
I don’t want to be petty,

I think that ship has sailed.

It was a valid question TBF. I didn’t think she did like big meals. That’s what she told me when she decided not to come to my birthday :)

Could she have been excited and wanting to go but her partner wasn't and ended up getting his own way? We know nothing about her or what her relationship/home life is like so it's hard to judge.

You sound like you have been quite petty in your responses to her backing out though.

If you don't actually want to go then just don't go.

I think she was making an excuse not to go. I'd go to a friend's party even if I don't know others. She was going with her partner so not like she'd be there alone.

Dont go to hers.

A being Indian is not relevant.

Agree

I fear she might hold it against me if I don’t. I suffer from endometriosis and when my period started quite suddenly when I was due to go round theirs for dinner and I was lying on the floor vomiting and in agony she was really funny about it. Thankfully I dosed up on meds and the pain subsided, meaning I was able to go in the end. She definitely thought I was making it up!

Yeah exactly, even if no one spoke to them - which definitely wouldn’t happen, since I’d have been sat next to them and she’s basically friends with 8 others and everyone else is friendly - then at least they would have had each other to chat to!

Was she at her own home at the BBQ? tbh she isn’t obliged to attend and she did give you a few days notice so I think YABU.

The sarcastic comment about the wedding was unnecessary really.

Go or don’t go to her party depending on how you feel.

To be fair, I wouldn't see a 'Meetup' event with 30 odd people as a close meal type thing. As such it wouldn't occur to me that I would be missed.

From the pictures it was her and A plus I could see some shadows in the backgrounds. Maybe they invited neighbours over?

OP life doesn’t need to be this complicated- go if you want to and don’t go if you don’t want to. Don’t over think it

It was good weather and kind of feels like she saw a good weather forecast and thought ‘nah, barbecue party it is’

Omg, I remember reading your earlier thread where you were complaining that people didn’t bring you presents, despite the fact that they paid for their own meals and half of them were randoms from Meetup.

Maybe it’s time for you to get over this dinner - you sound really quite petty and immature.

Neither of you sound like friends so I'd say to not bother and phase each other out.

I wouldn't go.

They don't put themselves out for you and I wouldn't go and not know anyone else. It would just be boring.

Very true, probably would be boring going there and actually having no one to talk to. Plus would need to get the train there and back and would take almost an hour each way I think.

Oh remember that! Lots of randoms invited and op was annoyed all the invitees didn't bring gift vouchers of at least £10?!

No, I said I’d usually bring a very small gift to a friend’s birthday do. Something no more than £10. A gift voucher or cheap chocs maybe. I thought this was the done thing to do, but clearly not. I guess everyone comes from different backgrounds. I was just brought up to believe it was polite not to turn up empty-handed to someone’s birthday, or at least buy them a drink on the night

But I thought you didn't actually know many of the people you invites, and it wasn't like a party, they were all paying for their own meal?

Oh i remember that thread! Same person ?eeek

is meet up ?

I know the person in question very well. I’ve been round their house for dinner, even stayed the night actually