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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL has bought a forward facing seat for 2 year old?

271 replies

Elisabeth3468 · 30/05/2024 18:09

I want to start by saying my son is 2 and is rear facing and has a specialised seat that rear faces up to 25kg. I plan on keeping him rear facing until he grows out of the weight/height limit which will probably be aged 5. I know how much safer it is.
My MIL knows how I feel about rear facing and I've provided her with all the facts and information but she doesn't seem to listen or want to know any better? That's fine because he never goes in her car anyway as she hasn't had a seat.
Until the other day she turns up and has bought him a forward facing only seat, brand new. It was off a colleague so highly discounted so she paid next to nothing but still it's forward facing and does rear face at all.
She keeps saying it's fine to forward face at his age etc. but she knows why I choose to rear face.
I feel really awkward now and I don't want my son to go in that seat.
I can't understand why she's done it. My mum has a car seat for my son and it's the same as ours and she's taken on board that the safest is to rear face.
I said to MIL I will buy a seat for her car if she wants one. She rarely looks after him anyway so confused why she's bought a seat.
AIBU?
What shall I say to her? I feel like she thinks I'm ungrateful.

OP posts:
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8
ThousandCows · 30/05/2024 18:15

I wouldn't budge on this. I kept both of mine rear-facing until as long as possible (they went forward-facing around 6yo), and stuck to my guns despite most people thinking I was being ridiculous. I'd be telling MIL she can either have him in a RF seat or not at all.

Workasateamanddoitmyway · 30/05/2024 18:15

I only used a forward facing seat. 2 is maybe quite old to not be in a normal toddler forward car seat, particularly as you wont be able to see what tricks he gets up to! Having said that, he's your child so she shouldn't be putting him in something you aren't happy with.

Rubyupbeat · 30/05/2024 18:18

Mine are grown up now, but how on earth does a rear seating seat work for an older child? Aren't their legs all bunched up?

PragmaticWench · 30/05/2024 18:19

If you're not happy with her seat then just switch your seat into her car and take hers out when you drop him off for a visit. No need for an argument, just calmly say that he needs to go in his seat as it's safest. You could always store her seat in your car until you collect him again so it's not cluttering up her hallway.

OnceICaughtACold · 30/05/2024 18:22

You put your foot down. “He is not going in that seat, I have explained to you that he will not forward face until X date. I’m happy to lend you our seat or buy you a seat.”

People don’t like you making safety decisions which are different to what they did. You just have to be firm.

I had to do this when I discovered that the seat my step parent had for their grandkids had been bought from the recycling centre (their parents were fine with it). It did not go down particularly well but I was just firm and calm.

ginasevern · 30/05/2024 18:26

I'm another one who can't get my head around a rear facing seat for a 2 year old but it's your child and your decision. I guess her colleague happened to mention the seat and she thought she'd bagged a bargain.

Simonjt · 30/05/2024 18:28

The seat could still be saved until shes older, seats however can be expensive, so if there is a specific one you would like her to use then you and her other parent need to buy it for your inlaws.

Sometimes rear facing seats can be tricky for older people, my mum couldn’t get my son in and out once he has turned three, so she didn’t drive him anymore until he was old enough to forward face.

PrincessMirrorBelle · 30/05/2024 18:32

Difficult one. What sort of driving is she doing and how fast? I would probably let it go if it was for pootling around town because at those speeds the risk and difference it would make must be negligible. But motorways and country lanes I'd put my foot down.

nutbrownhare15 · 30/05/2024 18:37

If it's mentioned I'd just say you've decided he will rear face until x age because it's a lot safer. Mine rear faced til 7, they just bend their legs up or to the side.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 30/05/2024 18:37

Rubyupbeat · 30/05/2024 18:18

Mine are grown up now, but how on earth does a rear seating seat work for an older child? Aren't their legs all bunched up?

The child sits crossed legged. It's actually far more comfortable than having their legs dangling facing forward. All my (tall) DGC were in rear facing seats until they were 5.

110APiccadilly · 30/05/2024 18:39

Personally, I don't take the fairly hard line on ERF that a lot of Mumsnet does. However, your child, your decision. You've offered to buy her a seat, which I think is only fair (your decision, your expense!) - maybe do that and ask her to keep the one she's got till he's older.

YouveGotAFastCar · 30/05/2024 18:40

It doesn’t matter what type of driving she does. People have more accidents closer to their homes anyway, when they’re likely to be pootling.

I’ve got a two year old, it’d be a no from me. It’s not safe, and even if it’s for one offs, you’ll introduce him to forward facing and that might make you rear facing him a lot harder. Safety comes first.

The fact it’s second hand would also concern me. You never know how people have stored their seats. Or if they’ve been in accidents, however small; to be honest. Or been dropped.

Jeannie88 · 30/05/2024 18:42

Workasateamanddoitmyway · 30/05/2024 18:15

I only used a forward facing seat. 2 is maybe quite old to not be in a normal toddler forward car seat, particularly as you wont be able to see what tricks he gets up to! Having said that, he's your child so she shouldn't be putting him in something you aren't happy with.

Same here, always used a forward facing seat from about a year old. After lots of research we decided this was better as can actually see DC, especially on longer journeys. X

nutbrownhare15 · 30/05/2024 18:43

Just as an aside. Someone went into the back of my car at a roundabout. A big impact and I had a bit of a sore neck. Both my kids absolutely fine as rear facing. Youngest didn't even wake up. If forward facing that would have been a lot of force going into their immature necks and that is why rear facing is so much safer. You can imagine how that would have been magnified at a higher speed.

uhOhOP · 30/05/2024 18:46

Why are people saying they can't get their heads around a two-year-old being in a rear-facing seat? It's safer. That's surely not so difficult to understand. Does it even affect the driver of the car whether the child is in a front- or rear-facing seat? But it does affect the child.

Bemusedandconfusedagain · 30/05/2024 18:47

Don't let her use it if rear facing is important to you. As well as the increased risk in your car; you may then find your child prefers it and then you'll have a nightmare keeping them rear facing.

Tagyoureit · 30/05/2024 18:55

How does a 5 year old fit in rear facing seat? Where do their legs go? My ds when 5 was the height of a 7 year old and nearly 5 dd is going the same way. I couldn't imagine them folded in half to sit in a rear facing seat.

SwingingVoter · 30/05/2024 18:57

Mil I think you got carried away with the idea of a cheap seat but unfortunately as I've explained before, I don't want him in that type of seat.

Workasateamanddoitmyway · 30/05/2024 18:59

She will be of the generation where a carry cot was just put on the back seat like a shopping bag. I remember my younger brother in a carry cot on one side of the back seat and me lying on my back with my legs dangling out of the window on the other. No seatbelts for any of us!

Katypp · 30/05/2024 19:02

Workasateamanddoitmyway · 30/05/2024 18:59

She will be of the generation where a carry cot was just put on the back seat like a shopping bag. I remember my younger brother in a carry cot on one side of the back seat and me lying on my back with my legs dangling out of the window on the other. No seatbelts for any of us!

Oh yes, that awful generation who didn't love their children as much as current parents do.
This is the way this thread is going. It always does.

EsmeSusanOgg · 30/05/2024 19:04

You did not ask her to get a seat. She got it unprompted. You do not have to let your two year old go in her car just because she got a good deal. It can likely be saved until he is older anyway.

EsmeSusanOgg · 30/05/2024 19:06

Katypp · 30/05/2024 19:02

Oh yes, that awful generation who didn't love their children as much as current parents do.
This is the way this thread is going. It always does.

Show quote history

Surely it isn't about love, so much as new safety technology. If it did not exist in the past, they could hardly of used it. Choosing to do something different now, because we have better car seats following decades of research, is not an indightment of how our parents and grandparents did it.

It seems odd to me that some people take it that way.

uhOhOP · 30/05/2024 19:07

Katypp · 30/05/2024 19:02

Oh yes, that awful generation who didn't love their children as much as current parents do.
This is the way this thread is going. It always does.

Show quote history

How on earth did you manage to get that out of the comment?!

Rollinghilly · 30/05/2024 19:07

Just tell her no. Personally I had mine forward facing at that age and rear to 5 seems a bit ott but your child your rules

EsmeSusanOgg · 30/05/2024 19:08

Tagyoureit · 30/05/2024 18:55

How does a 5 year old fit in rear facing seat? Where do their legs go? My ds when 5 was the height of a 7 year old and nearly 5 dd is going the same way. I couldn't imagine them folded in half to sit in a rear facing seat.

The new guidelines are based on height rather than weight/ age for this reason. A short child is likely to need a seat/ booster for longer than a tall child.