MIL has bought a forward facing seat for 2 year old?

[Elisabeth3468]

I want to start by saying my son is 2 and is rear facing and has a specialised seat that rear faces up to 25kg. I plan on keeping him rear facing until he grows out of the weight/height limit which will probably be aged 5. I know how much safer it is.
My MIL knows how I feel about rear facing and I've provided her with all the facts and information but she doesn't seem to listen or want to know any better? That's fine because he never goes in her car anyway as she hasn't had a seat.
Until the other day she turns up and has bought him a forward facing only seat, brand new. It was off a colleague so highly discounted so she paid next to nothing but still it's forward facing and does rear face at all.
She keeps saying it's fine to forward face at his age etc. but she knows why I choose to rear face.
I feel really awkward now and I don't want my son to go in that seat.
I can't understand why she's done it. My mum has a car seat for my son and it's the same as ours and she's taken on board that the safest is to rear face.
I said to MIL I will buy a seat for her car if she wants one. She rarely looks after him anyway so confused why she's bought a seat.
AIBU?
What shall I say to her? I feel like she thinks I'm ungrateful.

If she doesn't listen tell her to fuck off that will shut her up

In many countries rear facing until 5 is the default. Its way safer

Unfortunately, it’s quite outdated to view a forward facing car seat for a baby/toddler as ‘normal.’

Advice has changed massively in the past 5-10 years and really the U.K. government needs to update the law to reflect the safety difference between forward and rear facing.

Currently children legally have to tear face until 15 months or 19 kilos depending on the type of seat but death and serious injury is less likely to occur if they rear face till around 6 depending on weight and height.

Children don’t feel uncomfortable having their knees bent or crossed because they haven’t developed adult legs/bones yet and have more cartilage etc so how they look in the seat has no impact on their level of comfort as long as they are in the correct one for their height/weight and it has been installed correctly.

Car seats also have an expiration date so sometimes when people get an old one down from the loft etc they are no longer fit for purpose.

We just had a headrest mirror for rear facing up until 4y4m (too tall after that)

But we now know that ERF is much safer so we change our behaviour to reflect that.

I would stick to your guns and not allow your child to forward face.

I intend to max out my 25 kg seat RF for my 4 year old and younger sibling. I do have a car seat which can FF but will absolutely not do this. I am definitely in the minority and rarely see others keeping theirs RF.

I bought my first car seat from JL who do not sell 25 kg rear facing seats. These tend to be sold by independents as you need to be trained to install these etc. I did though research seats using Facebook groups when I needed my second child was due and opted for a 25kg seat rather than another isofix one.

I am also much better informed on HBB. I am shocked at the number of HBB and booster seats installed in the front seat which is not safe. We need better education for all parents on the safest car seat options for their children.

I prefer forward facing must be pretty boring for them looking at the back seat constantly and you can't see them either, if they started coughing or anything.

I am guessing the people who think that 2 is normal for front facing aren't evil neglectful witches, but rather people like me with grown up children who haven't kept up to date with advances in car seat technology. Because why would we?

Internal decapitation. There’s no discussion around that.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your child, your decision.

I imagine she got a seat incase of an emergency whilst DC was in her care. My Mum has a car seat even though he rarely goes in the car with her.

We did extended rear facing although turned him round at 3 (he's tall and heavy so weighted out of the backwards seat which was only safe backwards till 15kg if I remember correctly)

My Mum had a forward facing seat only from when he was about 2, however I knew if she ever needed to drive him anywhere it would only really be on 30mph roads.

The only solution is to pay for a seat yourself for her. I couldn't afford 2x £300+ car seats so had to accept whatever my Mum got and weighed the risk of how infrequently he went in that seat and the speed of roads she'd be taking him on.

That's what car seat mirrors are for.

Boring is better than unsafe.

How old is your child?! My oldest is 25 and even back then 2 was the minimum recommended age for forward facing, preferably 3 or longer even.

It’s safer but goodness it made me sick as a dog as a child

My daughter can see just fine out the rear window and side window, we play "I spy"
Also as other posters have said... mirrors...

Absolutely no problem at that height in a small car. I did it with my children, my eldest rear faced until she was 11 years old, my youngest until she was 8 years old. Their legs just cross over and it's actually more comfortable for them. It's much safer for them, so why on earth wouldn't you want your child to be as safe as can be?!

This is a hill I'd die on, you're doing the right thing. I really have no tolerance of people who don't take car seat safety seriously. A relative of mine has just put her 2 year old forward facing and literally sneered at me when I suggested she keep him rear facing as it's safer. Honestly, you'd think a teacher would educate themselves.

Goodness me.. I totally missed that and I thought I had been an OK mum of my babies! Well done for getting that bit right. I bought everything I was given advice on at the time. Feel dreadful now 😬.

And absolutely no one else I knew used them either, to give me a helpful steer. I clearly had friends just as incompetent as me. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. My oldest is 18 which makes me feel even worse if yours is 25.

I would just say oh Sorry but it’s not that safe to forward face as they’re only 2. There’s tons of research online if you’re interested. Sorry I thought I’d mentioned it. Hope you have a receipt to take it back.

Sorry but when it comes to your child's safety then risk offending. It is a non negotiable. She has clearly disregarded your very clear views and boundaries. You provide her with a clear choice that either she is prepared to rear face (as you said you are willing to get seat) or she cannot take your child in the car. And follow through and stick to your word with this.

It will be the same with my grandchildren, there is no way I will keep a child in a seat when I can't see them if it's just me and them in the car.
They're either small and they can rear face in the front or someone comes in the car with me.

Wow, Mumsnet is fucking nuts

You can forget how fucking batshit neurotic this place gets until you see a thread like this.

I drove my eldest to his uni graduation in a rear facing seat. Never going above 20 on the motorway. I win.

Doesn’t the rear-facing toddler/ older child get car sick from facing backwards? Genuine question, my DS is nearly 40 now, so safety items have moved on, and I know he’d have been hurling if facing backwards ( he hurled if he faced forward as well🤮) Loves driving, but still a terrible passenger even now!

My mum used to put me in a carrycot in the back seat!
I don’t think I had a car seat til I was older. Not sure what age exactly. And I have young kids.

It’s pretty normal for kids to stay rear facing for longer now. The law is still quite behind and 15 months is the minimum on I-size seats but in many other countries it’s much older. I don’t know anyone who forward faced at age 2.