MIL has bought a forward facing seat for 2 year old?

[Elisabeth3468]

I want to start by saying my son is 2 and is rear facing and has a specialised seat that rear faces up to 25kg. I plan on keeping him rear facing until he grows out of the weight/height limit which will probably be aged 5. I know how much safer it is.
My MIL knows how I feel about rear facing and I've provided her with all the facts and information but she doesn't seem to listen or want to know any better? That's fine because he never goes in her car anyway as she hasn't had a seat.
Until the other day she turns up and has bought him a forward facing only seat, brand new. It was off a colleague so highly discounted so she paid next to nothing but still it's forward facing and does rear face at all.
She keeps saying it's fine to forward face at his age etc. but she knows why I choose to rear face.
I feel really awkward now and I don't want my son to go in that seat.
I can't understand why she's done it. My mum has a car seat for my son and it's the same as ours and she's taken on board that the safest is to rear face.
I said to MIL I will buy a seat for her car if she wants one. She rarely looks after him anyway so confused why she's bought a seat.
AIBU?
What shall I say to her? I feel like she thinks I'm ungrateful.

Sorry to be pedantic, but rear facing is only safer in front impact collisions. It is equally or possibly slightly less safe in rear impact collisions, so the outcome for your DC would have been the same.

This is wrong. If you are shunted from behind your car still travels forward.

The only time RF would be less safe is if you reversed at speed into a wall.

I second this. Being rear ended means the head is initially thrown backwards (hence why people get whiplash). It’s forward collisions where the head is thrown forward and where rear facing seats are safer

The issue is we now know more and know it's not safe.

This parent has made the decision and that's final. Kid doesn't go in nanas car if she cant stick to their mums rules. Simple.

Really surprised at the comments on this thread. We rear-faced our kids until 4 20yrs ago. Then we had to order seats specially, but the safety information was still out there even then.
I thought it was standard to rear face until 4 now, totally shocked that people are thinking it's odd to rear face even a 2yr old and the legs comment, their legs just fit, it's fine.

Does your mil do any free childcare for you (including babysitting)? If yes, then I personally think the parents should pay for and provide things like a car seat (they are your child after all). Just buy the rear facing one you want (maybe offer to sell the one she bought) and I'm sure she’ll use it.

If she never looks after your dc, I'm not sure why she bought a car seat in the first place and I guess there is no need to worry, as your child won't be using it.

She doesn't look after him regularly no. She has him the odd time for an hour here and there (maybe once every few months?) and we always drop him and pick him up. She only lives 25 mins drive away.

My mil has a seat that is forward facing that she bought for a different grandchild and despite me explaining about rear facing she still kept mentioning that she had a seat and I’d again say we’ve talked about this; if she has my DC then I just put the car seat into her car and asked her to explicitly agree that she will only use the seat provided and rear face. If she doesn’t do it and I find out then she won’t have my DC again

You are totally right and she is over stepping and bang out of order.

Don't back down.

Thanks everyone. Just read through all the comments and it's confirmed that I should stick to my guns.
She's the type of person that thinks she's being helpful by getting this seat so I don't think she's done it to upset me or anything.
But she just completely refuses to read anything or listen to anything about extended rear facing. It's like she just does not want to know.
And keeps saying it's silly having him rear facing. He does get travel sick too which doesn't help my rear facing argument but it's generally on long journeys and not very often.

For those saying about not being able to see him, we have a mirror fitted on the back seat so I can see him through my mirror.

I will tell her I don't want the seat and she can get rid of it or sell it. It is a brand new seat not second hand.

Like I said, I offered to buy a rear facing one but didn't find it worth it forking out for an expensive seat when it will be used so occasionally. I bought one for my mums car because she looks after him one day a week so that made sense.

I can't believe this!

My friend is a fireman who regularly attends RTCs. Some of this stories are harrowing. There is absolutely no way I'll forward face my son until I absolutely have to!

I guess then, you just have to stipulate that she can't take him out in the car in that seat and if that's an issue (which to be fair, could be restrictive), then buy her a rear-facing seat so it's no longer an issue.

If you want to keep your child in a rear-facing seat for years to come, then a spare seat for her would be a good investment or just buy a second seat and whoever is caring for him, can use/borrow it.

I suspect not. It would be her own gran's generation that might have done this not her mother! But her mother would have fkrward facing.

I fail to understand how you sit comfortably cross legged in a rear facing car seat.

can't believe this!

Extended rear facing seats have lower sides so a child can easily sit cross legged.

My son is 6 and still RFing.

A mirror on the headrest means I can see him (and his baby sister) just fine.

And he has a 360 degree view out of the car - instead of staring at the back of the seat/my head he can see my face in the mirror.

Op - she shouldn't have to read boring, grim stories about car accidents! She should just follow your wishes as her mum. Spare her the graphic details.

1970s. I don't know the age of the OPs MIL to judge whether this applies to her, true. My mum is in her 70s and that's how she transported my DB and I.
One great advantage in those days though, was the freedom to hop around the back seat of the car and give the cars following you the V sign. A lost joy. The price of progress I suppose.

I'm genuinely concerned by the posters who think it's okay for a 2 year old to be forward facing - have a google and do some research, 2 is far too early to be forward facing.

So you assume her mum to be in her 70s or 80s then which is unlikely. I am 60 and my 31 year old son has a 2 yesr old. My son was in a car seat when he was born as were my older nephews and nieces. I suspect OP was very much in a car seat too unless she is one of those having babies in their 50s.

MIL is early 60s and very very fit for her age so wouldn't have an issue getting him in and out of a rear facing seat. Even so, he climbs in himself now at his age.

I also wouldn't be happy at all with this. It's different if you've decided to FF but if you want to RF then this should be respected. My tall nearly 4 year old still rear faces (there is plenty of room for her legs in a specific 25kg seat) and will be for some time. My mum and MIL have the same seats in their car too. The main thing is my daughter knows no different, not the case if she was FF in another car and may kick up a fuss.
She's perfectly comfortable, we just did a 3 hour trip and she slept the whole way.

Gosh your maths is far to complicated for me! I was just reminiscing about my own childhood and how things have changed due to knowledge and technology. Not assuming anything about the age of the OPs mother in law. I'm sure you a right though.

If she insists on using the ff carseat then I personally wouldn't let her take him. My 3 yo is rearfacing and I get comments from in laws about it like "must be boring staring at the back seat for the entire journey" and "isn't she too big to face backwards" I just keep telling them it is safer. They don't live close by so won't be taking her out. My mum has her once a week and is on board with rearfacing thankfully. For those saying you can't see what they are up to you just have a mirror on the headrest of the back seat and can see them fine and they can see you and out the windows and rear windscreen so can see plenty.

In a rear impact collision the rear-facing child is facing the direction of the impact, the same as a front-facing child in a front impact collision. The only big differences in this situation will be the speed and the deceleration.

For example:
Your car is travelling forwards at 10mph
The car behind drives into you at 30mph
This creates a 20mph impact pushing your car (the front car) forwards
Your car and everything attached to it - including the car seat experience rapid forward acceleration.
Everything unsecured or partially secured does not accelerate forwards at the same speed
In this situation a rear facing child will look the same as a front facing child in a front impact - their head and arms and legs will appear to snap forward, before settling back as the car comes to a (hopefully gradual) stop.

The good news in rear impact is you generally get to decelerate over a distance as the car would normally have space to move forwards, unlike front impact where the deceleration is pretty much instant, with often deadly results.

For example, the same two cars from the above example travelling at 30mph and 10mph but hitting head on will produce a 40mph collision with an almost non existent deceleration range, you would definitely want your child to be rear facing in that scenario!)

One of mine used to sit cross-legged in her forward facing seat even at 4 (having removed her shoes) as she was more comfortable.

This kind of thing would infuriate me. Just say sorry but he’s our son and I did say no to a forward facing seat. End of.