MIL has bought a forward facing seat for 2 year old?

[Elisabeth3468]

I want to start by saying my son is 2 and is rear facing and has a specialised seat that rear faces up to 25kg. I plan on keeping him rear facing until he grows out of the weight/height limit which will probably be aged 5. I know how much safer it is.
My MIL knows how I feel about rear facing and I've provided her with all the facts and information but she doesn't seem to listen or want to know any better? That's fine because he never goes in her car anyway as she hasn't had a seat.
Until the other day she turns up and has bought him a forward facing only seat, brand new. It was off a colleague so highly discounted so she paid next to nothing but still it's forward facing and does rear face at all.
She keeps saying it's fine to forward face at his age etc. but she knows why I choose to rear face.
I feel really awkward now and I don't want my son to go in that seat.
I can't understand why she's done it. My mum has a car seat for my son and it's the same as ours and she's taken on board that the safest is to rear face.
I said to MIL I will buy a seat for her car if she wants one. She rarely looks after him anyway so confused why she's bought a seat.
AIBU?
What shall I say to her? I feel like she thinks I'm ungrateful.

You are completely wrong - look up the safety differences between forward and rear facing.

No, they can sit in lots of different ways.

Just stay firm, your child your rules. Mine kicked up a fuss about it. My response was I'll fit you some spare rail straps to keep in your car and I'll fit our seat each time you have the kids. Nowadays I only have the one RF but I just dump the kids inside and move the car seats over. Takes minutes and I know they are our seats, where they've been, that they are fitted correctly and are RF.

Where do the child's legs go? Aren't most 3yos too tall for one??

They can and should rear face until they are 125cm tall (age 6+) and 25-36kg depending on the seat.

Absolutely no way I'd have put mine forward facing aged 2, it's not safe. She knew your views, I wouldn't back down on this. You can always put your seat in her car if she wants to take them somewhere. Mine both rear faced until 4, and occasionally when older too. No issues with leg room, they actually whine more about their legs now they are in boosters.

Odd way to take what I thought was just quite an amusing memory. No need for any guilt! 😆 Obviously car seats weren't a thing in the 70s..or seat belts... Just like rear facing car seats weren't a huge thing when my children (now teenagers) were babies. If they had been a thing then presumably I would have bought one. There will be something that mothers of babies do now that will horrify/amuse those babies when they have their own kids. Nothing to do with loving them more or less, just greater knowledge and better technology.

YANBU and she would not be looking after my child if she did not respect my wishes.

Why would I allow someone to look after them who doesn’t want them to be as safe as they can be?

No. ERF seats can go up to age 7.

Legs, particularly young children’s, are bendy. They can go anywhere.

There are Facebook groups that can educate you on this. A child shouldn’t forward face until they are 125cm tall and at that point they would be in a HBB with a normal seatbelt. Never ff with a 5 point harness.

That’s not what the PP was saying. She was explaining how the older generations were used to more lax safety in cars because it is what was the norm when they were raising children. That’s not their fault. What is their fault is when they refuse to acknowledge that we might know better now, have safer practices, have access to research etc that allows us to care for our children minimising risks to the best of our ability.

My mother for example offered me the advice to lay my son on his front when I was struggling to get him to settle in his Moses basket. I explained current safe sleep guidelines would advise against that and she’s never suggested it since. She knows that I wasn’t critisising her parenting, just stating that it’s now what is widely practised now. She also would always then lay my baby on his back at the base of his crib, as through my learning she had also learnt safer ways to care for a baby that what she was taught decades ago.

It’s not expecting too much to ask grandparents to respect parent’s wishes, especially when it comes to safety.

That was a reply to @Katypp btw not myself. Probably obviously.

Definitely stay firm. I’ve just bought my DD a new Axkid but keep being offered a used booster seat from my MIL. For some reason, people seem to take it personally that advice has changed from when their kids were young. Also to all the people commenting about leg room, crossing legs is perfectly comfy.

I'd be concerned about a second hand seat, as it could have been compromised in some way, eg by an accident. Be firm OP as to what you think is best for DC. Your mil should respect your decisions more than she does.

I'd say something like "that will be great for when he's older" then continue to not have her drive him places. If she doesn't look after him anyway, she won't have the opportunity to put him in it without you knowing. If she ever is talking him anywhere, just put your seat in the car as a forgon conclusion, if she questions why you aren't using her "don't be silly, he way to young for ff to be as safe"

Sorry to be pedantic, but rear facing is only safer in front impact collisions. It is equally or possibly slightly less safe in rear impact collisions, so the outcome for your DC would have been the same.

The majority of collisions are rear impact, but the majority of rear collisions are comparatively low-speed and do not cause serious injuries in children who are in correctly fitted car seats (front or rear facing). Front impact collisions have the potential for much higher forces and are responsible for the vast majority of serious injuries in children, rear facing is far safer in those collisions (hence I had my own DC ERF - and that was back when only 'weirdos' were doing it!)

Sorry don't see the issue. All DCs and now DGCs have been in forward facing seats.

I'm absolutely with you on this OP. We still have our 5.5 year old in a rear facing seat.

Stand your ground.

"he can come in my car"
"I don't let him travel with people who are happy to have him be 500 times more likely to die in a crash rather than choose the right seat for him"

Our five year old happily crosses his legs.

I moved DD to FF at 2 because she had Reflux and on a couple of occasions was sick and choked on her vomit and I had no idea. Nearly lost her. If it wasn't for me pulling up at my paramedic friend's house on the second occasion - seconds after she had begun choking and on the first occasion, we arrived home in time to get her out and attend to her. I honestly don't know what would've happened if the timing had been any different on each occasion. After that, it was forward facing so I could see her in the mirror, but in the best recommended Cybex seat there was. I then began to see every single time she was sick

I don't know anyone who was still using a rear facing seat at 2, let alone 5. I know on Mumsnet this is seen as normal, but even my most full-on perfect-parenting friends didn't do it. So I wouldn't have a problem with the forward facing seat if it is of good quality and well fitted.

Having said that, if you are really worried it is fine to say that your child only travels in a rear facing seat, and you are happier to drive her yourself if the grandparents can't manage that (leaving "or choose not to" unspoken).

Please don't say this. You'll really, really embarrass yourself!

I've just had a nosey about and can see it's suitable. Though 1 car seat looked absolutely massive, not sure it would even fit in my car without us in the front being squashed up against the windscreen.

I also check the law, and the seat I have currently complies so I'm not breaking any law so I guess it's whatever you feel happy with.

@AnthuriumCrystallinum I don't think that's correct-rear facing is far safer for front or rear impact accidents. The only exception is if you were to reverse into something at speed, then you'd be safer forward facing. But people don't tend to reverse at such speeds anyway