MIL has bought a forward facing seat for 2 year old?

[Elisabeth3468]

I want to start by saying my son is 2 and is rear facing and has a specialised seat that rear faces up to 25kg. I plan on keeping him rear facing until he grows out of the weight/height limit which will probably be aged 5. I know how much safer it is.
My MIL knows how I feel about rear facing and I've provided her with all the facts and information but she doesn't seem to listen or want to know any better? That's fine because he never goes in her car anyway as she hasn't had a seat.
Until the other day she turns up and has bought him a forward facing only seat, brand new. It was off a colleague so highly discounted so she paid next to nothing but still it's forward facing and does rear face at all.
She keeps saying it's fine to forward face at his age etc. but she knows why I choose to rear face.
I feel really awkward now and I don't want my son to go in that seat.
I can't understand why she's done it. My mum has a car seat for my son and it's the same as ours and she's taken on board that the safest is to rear face.
I said to MIL I will buy a seat for her car if she wants one. She rarely looks after him anyway so confused why she's bought a seat.
AIBU?
What shall I say to her? I feel like she thinks I'm ungrateful.

Strange thing to say. People do go on holiday to far away parts of the country and abroad, with children.

Nowhere for their legs to go? Do you suppose they just detach them and stow them away for the journey? Or do you think there actually is somewhere for their legs to go? There are a couple of images posted on this thread to illustrate how the child sits in a rear-facing seat and they show that the problem of where the legs go is non-existent.

I honestly wouldn't be getting upset over this. If she is only using it on rare occasions when hanging out with him and giving you a break then I'd be happy.

That said I didn't have rear facing seats. I went to a shop looked at the options and bought something mid range. The way I see it if it wasn't safe it wouldn't be an option. It never occurred to me to research something like this. I had enough to be doing at the time. I had a small car with DS1 and could put my left hand back and hold his sometimes and that was reassuring for him.

The 'But where will their legs go???' comments (after numerous posts showing exactly where they go,) is the new 'Cancel the cheque!'

Especially coming from people who admit that their kids are adult and they have never even tried an ERF seat.

Yeah I get it from my father in law all the time in justification of their decision to forward face my 2 and 3 yo nieces, even though they have seen my 3 and 6yo rear facing in our car with their own eyes.

Despite the fact that my 3yo niece is (unsurprisingly) significantly shorter than my 6yo, PILs maintain “there’s nowhere for her legs to go as she’s tall for her age”…

Well he was little when he first used the seat, he’s taller now. I understand they’re safer.

Nothing is more important than the safety of your child. You never have too much to do that you can’t ensure their safety.

There are lots of products on the market for babies that are dangerous, for example cot bumpers, sleep nests etc. Legal does not mean safe; the law is very outdated.

It doesn’t matter how many journeys are taken. Whether she takes him once a day or once a year, the possibility of a crash and internal decapitation or death from a forward facing seat in said crash is there.

Anyone who would risk my child’s life is not someone I would be comfortable leaving them with.

You still haven’t said how old he is or what seat it is.

The law requires rear-facing until 15 months but after that we went front-facing as dd was trying to climb out of her seat and twist to see us all the time. She is much happier front-facing and her seat is top quality so I feel it's safe.

The problem OP is that you have a strong preference and your MIL chose to go against it.

There are windows but a little child couldn’t see out of the rear window. There are side windows.

This. Poor kid facing backwards with his legs in a knot until he’s five.

Mine will be rear facing until 7 as they are low percentiles. Legs are fine. No knots 😂

ERF seats are raised higher up so they can see out the rear window.

Dont worry, my eldest is only 16 and he was in a front facing one at about 18 months......it was very much the nrom even then, no matter what the perfect parents are saying on here!

I think there’s a height that it becomes safe but don’t know for certain.

Oh, ok . Will look next time I see small boy.

Just an aside... Isn't it true that military aircraft have rear-facing seats? Because it's safer. But commercial passenger planes have forward-facing seats, basically because we would freak out if we were facing the 'wrong' way. Even the most safety conscious of us never question this. Obviously air travel is safer than car travel but there are still risks involved 😬

I had no clue despite being constantly terrified of not doing the right thing. It's quite the revelation. Although I suspect some PP might not have been in the UK at the time..

I know, just look at those poor kids with their legs all bunched up in a knot, can't see anything, totally isolated..
(not an ad, user photo from rear facing FB group)

Yeah, if we made cars with safety as the top priority, all passenger seats would be rear facing, precisely because it is safer regardless of age.

Oh for goodness sake. I was using my own experience as an example. Some children get travel sick, that was all I meant.

Exactly! Everything is calculated risk. I wonder when cars are fully automated if they'll turn the seats round 🫣. It's interesting how it seems so counter intuitive in road transport, whereas we sit facing front and back on trains and add sideways for trams and tubes. Why are the seats in coaches facing to the front?

Why quote if you haven't read the whole post?

For sure there are times where you might take longer trips but those don't happen every day.

Who is going on holiday and abroad every day??

OP admitted that her child gets travel sick and herself linked it to them travelling backwards, which from my experience, that is likely true. Even as an adult, I can't travel backwards or sideways on transport, due to motion sickness.

OP did not link the travel sickness to them rear facing, but even if she did, there’s lots to be done to combat that. It is not a reason to forward face.