Van life request to shower

[Uoyeb]

I have a long-standing friend who is a bit unconventional. He’s never really stuck at any job, is a bit of an artist, always low on cash. He tends to live in short term rentals, often studios or rooms in shared houses. It wouldn’t be a life for me but he seems happy and content with it, so be it.

Rents are increasing and and he recent came into a small inheritance, so he’s decided to buy a van to live in. He’ll fit it out similar to a small camper, sleep / live in the van, and then use toilet facilities that are open to the public, and showers at friends or cheap leisure centres or service stations that have that facility.

He’s asked whether, on the odd occasion, he could use our shower if he’s in the area and there’s nowhere else local to go. I’m not sure how to respond.

How would you respond?

That’s interesting about his work situation but I suppose not your business OP really. It all seems a bit immature though getting work to get him over a financial “situation” and then leaving when that happens. Isn’t he thinking about old age and does he have savings?

He sounds remarkably like an ex of mine who works in a permanent job yet spends a lot of money on a David Lloyd membership and treats his friends and family a lot but has an average paid job. He could do a right to buy on his council flat which is in a nice area but when I suggested this to him he didn’t want to do it because he’d have to watch his money more carefully eg have less fun. I’m actually thinking when he’s retired he’ll probably move in with his DB and DSis in their right to buy council home (bought) once their mum has died. He has also spent loads of money on gym equipment which is never used and other things. Probably one reason why he’s an ex because our finances just don’t align!

I guess if you want to offer him the odd shower from time to time that’s fine but just lay down a few ground rules if you do go ahead with it.

Perhaps this thread should be shared with the subject of the original post. I’m sure he’d find it a fascinating read…

None of which applies here though

What you say about your friend’s work history is revealing OP. Lots of vanlifers have jobs they can do remotely, which funds their travels and lifestyle. It sounds like this is a whim while he has the money to spend but won’t be sustainable in the long term.

Which doesn’t really answer your question about whether to let him use your shower, except that it might not come up that often, as at some point he’ll need to settle somewhere to take up paid work. As long as that’s not in your road, you might not have anything to worry about.

This may not apply to your shower friend but I have had experience of these free spirits/off the grid people and often they are full of shit.
They avoid work, think they are so interesting and fascinating with their alternative lifestyles, they scrounge off ordinary people who work, pay taxes and have responsibilities.
Honestly, I have seen so much of it.
Many years ago I met a young man ( think Neil from The Young Ones) who asked me for ‘a few cigarettes’. He explained he’d been in India for several months (as if that mattered).
I said ‘ Well, I work full time to pay my way and No I don’t have any cigarettes to give you.’
i was so proud of myself.

I can't imagine why anyone would want to be different from you.

People can be different,it's the blagging and entitlement that grates.

You are missing my point.

Thank you. You understand what I was saying.

Addresses can be purchased via boatmail for all of the above youve mw mentioned

Wouldn't mind it occasionally but tell your friend to buy a gym membership where showers are included unlimited this will save you feeling obligated

For van life their are things to make it easier

Gym membership for showers
They'll need generators to power up things to charge if they don't have it
A diesel heater is going to be essential for winter
Places to park .
Postal address rental like boatmail for banks and insurance etc

Other then that
Van life is straightforward

He's her friend. Whatever other concerns or issues OP has with her friend's request, she has voiced precisely nothing about the possibility of surveillance or any other sexual predation or abuse.

There's an absolutely ridiculous amount of projection going on in your post. I'm sorry for whatever has clearly happened to make you so violently angry, but it doesn't entitle you to call me a "smug bitch" based on absolutely nothing.

I have lived every day for over 40 years with the consequences of sexual abuse btw, so why don't you fuck off and find a more worthy target for your deranged nastiness.

The vast majority of women are raped by partners, ex partners, friends and acquaintances @RickyT is correct.

I don't have any men in my house since a " friend" got drunk and tried to rape me.
He thought I, 30years married, was " up for it"

No reason he can't put a shower and loo in van. We have a 5m van with tiny loo/shower in wetroom .LPG boiler and heating. We can use facilities for 3 days till they need emptying / filling. So need to be somewhere with facilities that often, paid campsite or aire etc.
And if we replaced or, might use something simpler for shower. It's the loo and waterproof room that are important.

It's the vague open ended nature of the request that would worry me. I feel this could escalate. But only you know what your friend is like OP and whether they're likely to be a CF😁Labour voter btw, I'm just naturally cautious, esp with men.

Not recommended if you live in a van. Fine for holidays.

I can just see this bloke turning into a cocklodger without even the Golden Cock to offer.

Not recommended perhaps. (Is that cos it's bad for van?)
But a compromise.

I don’t know why some posters (not many thankfully) reply to posts in such an aggressive, insulting, ad hominem manner.
Sarcasm such as ‘ maybe you’re incapable of using Google’ and ‘making a dick of yourself’ is childish and does not help anyone to see or understand your point of view.
Useful links or a controlled explanation would be much more effective.

I'd be saying No.

Because this sort of person has never grown up and expects to be parented in some form.

He'll expect to use your facilities because life 'owes' him and therefore you 'should' help him because his core beliefs include 'its okay for you you have a house and I don't because life was easy for you and very hard for me'

The van is just enabling more staying at other people's houses for free.

In winter he'll be asking can he park in your drive and will stay there for three months. Asking to use the loo at dinner time every evening.

So many negative comments on this thread

I did not realise people were so butt hurt about doing a favour for a friend.

It is a friend. An occasional favour.

I often make a dick of myself on & off the internet

Your self awareness is refreshing, at least.