Van life request to shower

[Uoyeb]

I have a long-standing friend who is a bit unconventional. He’s never really stuck at any job, is a bit of an artist, always low on cash. He tends to live in short term rentals, often studios or rooms in shared houses. It wouldn’t be a life for me but he seems happy and content with it, so be it.

Rents are increasing and and he recent came into a small inheritance, so he’s decided to buy a van to live in. He’ll fit it out similar to a small camper, sleep / live in the van, and then use toilet facilities that are open to the public, and showers at friends or cheap leisure centres or service stations that have that facility.

He’s asked whether, on the odd occasion, he could use our shower if he’s in the area and there’s nowhere else local to go. I’m not sure how to respond.

How would you respond?

I think I'd say yes with caveats. I'm also a big fan of asking for a small achievable return favour as a CF test.

Of course, so long as it's not more than once month/once a week/a few times a year. Whilst you're hear you could help me in the garden/bring me some of your homemade bramble jam/lend me a paperback/...

I suspect it would be a load of laundry , washed and dried and " so nice to be in the warm, sad face" before you know it he's showering, doing laundry and mooching food.
Ugh no thanks

It's not that uncommon of a lifestyle for artists. I know a few people who live this way. I would always let friends use my shower if they needed to.

As long as he brings his own toiletries and towels etc. and he doesn't make a pest of himself then I don't see why not!

Hubby and I lived from our car for nearly 2 years so we know how absolutely essential it is for regular showers!

I wouldn't be bothered about the cost, but I would hate having somebody traipsing in and out of the house on a regular basis.

The "in your area" bit suggests that he is not usually "in her area",so all of the people insinuating that he is going to move in seem to be projecting a bit. I guess it really depends on how often and how well you know him.

Nowt wrong with his chosen lifestyle if he has fully thought it through and is prepared for all that it entails

eg has agreed in advance with someone to be a ‘home stop’ (like students & parental home address)

or fully equipped van and list of places to stay or which have access to facilities like gym etc

or reciprocal agreement to do odd jobs etc in return for help from friends

Not slinging a mattress in a van, mooching off friends, calling it job done & congratulating themselves

But as with another thread - you know your mate, what you are prepared to put up with etc so while we can all add input from our perspectives, it’s what you are comfortable with, not us, or him.

I was thinking exactly the same.

Where did you shower?

Yeah same
I've asked others to do washing for me, between machines. And I've done washing for others,also between machines. And that's entirely different to using my shower sort of regularly.

Even if he is off wandering around, it makes sense he'll stay nearby for a week or two. That could mean two weeks of showers and washing clothes and feeding and hooked up with your electric etc.

Theres a reason 99% of the population live in static buildings, not vans.

Well, depending on the extent of the inheritance he could buy a small van with a loo/WC already fitted - it would be small but allows him to be self sufficient more of the time. Something like an Autosleeper. If he's getting one custom fitted he should plan for that and other things like a pop up roof. At the least he needs a porta potty on board but where you can empty that is limited. There are camping sites that are open all year round, of course, and he might get a long stay discount in the winter. In Scotland there are 'wild camping' opportunities.

He really needs to do his research and consider how liveable his van will be. There's loads of advice online. To answer your q I'd say he's welcome to use your facilities now and then when he's in the area but you need to be clear about your 'T&C's!

Surely a truly lefty view would be that the state should provide shower blocks and pitches for van lifers, either free or not for profit. It's a more right-wing philosophy that people in need should be supported by the charity of the better off.

Not all left wing people support a centralised state. Plenty of us believe in mutual aid, solidarity and self management.

Why would you think that lefties would automatically support a lifestyle choice? Which it is for a lot of people. There's a couple who own a nice house about 300m away from where I live and another about 200 miles away. They let them both out in the summer as holiday lets (£800-1400 a week) and live in their camper van. They work from the van: they both have WFH-style jobs they can do anywhere. In October they end the holiday lets and do winter lets in both houses. This funds them enough to go to India or South America or Indonesia for the winter.

Van life attracts a huge range of people for a wide variety of reasons. Not everyone living in a van is poor.

I've had too many users in my life to be able to feel generous anymore

Would be ok with me IF it was occasional. I’d be suspicious of him asking now though - how does he know that there will be no other option at the time he is ‘in the area’… makes me think he would be counting on you saying yes every time and maybe quite often. I’d be ok if occasional but not as a regular thing.

Not all left wing people support a centralised state. Plenty of us believe in mutual aid, solidarity and self management.

Yes, I do too (and am a lefty) but I'm just questioning the assumption that left = private individuals support the needy, when that's actually historically a more right-wing approach.

And actually I do think given the housing crisis, providing facilities for all kinds of travellers, van-lifers and people living in boats is a good idea and a solidly socialist policy.

Lending your mate your shower is not what I'd call "private individuals supporting the needy".

I call it being a mate.

Imo practicing solidarity is an ongoing effort of mutual care, not a hierarchical transfer of resources from the haves to the have nots.

For me, your reply doesn't really make sense.

She can set boundaries beforehand.

She'd only have to deal with the situations you've proposed if those situation actually happened and again, she could then set boundaries.

It's a bit, "well what if the sky fell in?" to me.

You can just guess what the OP will be posting about in six months time .....

It won't be just an occasional shower. It'll be an extension of various friends houses all the way through the winter and using all facilities because he'll be freezing. He'll use up all goodwill after a while and friendship will disintegrate.

Same here. Not, ever, ever again.

A friend of mine used to come and stay every couple of weeks, for a night, for a few years. He was down with work and could have stayed in a hotel, but it was great to see him.
Gave him dinner and a bed. Even let him use the shower. It was always good to see him.

Set the boundaries CLEARLY.

How often can he have a shower at your place?

Is he going to pop around for the shower, or is he going to park up outside for a week - with only showering once?

What times/days can he have a shower?

How much notice is he going to give?

Are you going to only let him in term times or holiday times?

If he's using a leisure centre, it's going to cost him £5 per shower. He'd rather shower for free.

How much will it impact on your children or family life?

Personally I'd tell him it's fine for the 6 weeks summer holidays, and only once a fortnight, because otherwise it would cause too much family disruption to routines.

Of course, but don't let it become a habit.