Van life request to shower

[Uoyeb]

I have a long-standing friend who is a bit unconventional. He’s never really stuck at any job, is a bit of an artist, always low on cash. He tends to live in short term rentals, often studios or rooms in shared houses. It wouldn’t be a life for me but he seems happy and content with it, so be it.

Rents are increasing and and he recent came into a small inheritance, so he’s decided to buy a van to live in. He’ll fit it out similar to a small camper, sleep / live in the van, and then use toilet facilities that are open to the public, and showers at friends or cheap leisure centres or service stations that have that facility.

He’s asked whether, on the odd occasion, he could use our shower if he’s in the area and there’s nowhere else local to go. I’m not sure how to respond.

How would you respond?

I'll be honest. Im obviously not as generous and charitable as other posters here. I wouldnt like it, I think I would say no or at least make it awkward. I find it a piss take. You want that life, you plan for your own hygiene needs to be met properly. If you dont want that life, then have a proper set up where you can access a shower properly and make efforts to pay for it, maintain it.

I've done these "occasional favours" before and it usually escalates. Unless you mind having someone showering and, let's be realistic, using your loo for a dump then go ahead. Personally I would find it intrusive, but that's just me.

I'd say yes, but but prepare to become assertive if he ends up parked on my drive for days on end.

Any reason why he's not going to fit washing facilities and a chemical toilet in the van?

Absolutely not. I can’t be doing with people who refuse to live a normal life yet want to scrounge off others.

Are you familiar with his personal style, OP?
Is he likely to leave the bathroom the way he found it?

Yes no problem

No idea.

I think the whole plan is flawed to be honest but I don’t want to be discouraging. I think he’ll be fine in the summer but I’m not sure how he’s going to cope in the winter when it drops very cold.

I would say yes to shower but no to parking up overnight on the driveway so it’s clearly a temporary thing. It helps that my house has a restriction where we’re not allowed to have caravans or motor homes on the driveway.

What does he mean when he’s in the area? Where does he intend to live?

It would worry me that he is actually planning to use friends’ houses for showers every single day and not have an actual alternative.

People pay for mains water as that’s what they need to wash themselves. If you choose not to pay for this, then it shouldn’t be so you can opt to cadge off everyone else’s forever. That’s just not fair. What about heating? Washing and drying clothes?

It sounds like he doesn’t want to pay for any of these things and is hoping he won’t have to because everyone else can do it for him?

This.
We all want to save money but unfortunately I have to pay to use & maintain my own facilities.
He's a cheeky scrounger!

If the van isn't big enough to build in a shower, it's probably not big enough to live in full time... Similarly with toilet facilities.

(NB owner of a truck-based camper for these, and other, reasons)

If it's a long wheelbase van, there is room to fit a combined toilet & shower. Even a smaller one there is room for a chemical toilet.

Tell him to look at Greg Virgoe's channel on YouTube. Couldn't get a better set of instructions. Then he'll be able to build a camper with a toilet, shower and hot water.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLhAyWhGGbi6JLJBHePgsmR-jSbyC_RgO&si=ioIecAJfZDxkLNzt

Nope. This will turn into a regular thing. And do you really want a grown man turning up for a shower when you're in the middle of getting your kids to bed or having dinner or just sitting around having some alone time?

We have a Citroen Romahome which is tiny! There’s still room for a toilet and sink though. He needs to check out local camping sites for showers rather than rely on the goodwill of friends.

I would be discouraging and point out the downsides to him now, which will either encourage him to make a better, more practical and sensible plan for his van life than the goodwill of his friends, or give it up altogether
Better that than you and other friends falling out with him when his pipe dream/plan becomes a problem in the winter and you end up blowing up at him and having to defend your boundaries because hes permanently pitched on your drive and practically moving in with you
Whats his plans for mail, official address, in case of being unable to live in the van (eg a physical accident or illness requiring help or a place to recouperate) . Whats the plan for heating the van? Whats plan B if van life doesn't work out or the vehicle gets damaged/written off and he finds himself homeless. What if he cant afford fuel or insurance due to price increases or loss of income? Has he researched pitches and public facilities eg launderettes, gyms, bathing places so he doesnt always have to surf round friends facilities.

I would say no tbh.
It's a bit of a pain and he sounds the sort to use your towel and leave the shower in a state.

We have some alternative friends who seem to think we're Oligarchs because we chose jobs that pay well as opposed to following our hearts and making poor life choices, and not working very much at all. I've noticed they are always happy to take our hospitality and expect us to pay for things.

If he wants to be self sufficient then let him get on with it.

I'd say "Yes mate, no problem." because i have a spare shower. If I had just the one I'd say "Yes mate, no problem. Just give me an hours notice to make sure it's free and clean."

I'd rather spend time with him if he has showered, but I'd point him towards a gym membership seeing how much money he'll be saving.

This all the way. Plus, these favours always end up being needed more often than people start off saying.

No. I'd let someone do this in an emergency - say, their own water had been cut off or they had a power cut - but not as part of a lifestyle choice.

It would be great to drive around in a camper van for a year, but I work full-time so that I can have a house and the home comforts it brings - you shouldn't expect the best of both worlds; either he works and saves up before going so that he can afford to use showers in gyms or hotels, or he accepts he'll have to slum it.

It's damn cheeky to expect others to subsidise your merry campervan jaunt in the form of providing hot water and use of facilities.

Tell him to buy a membership at one of the gym chains.

No. I'd help a friend in need but I'm not subsidising a cheapskate whose life plan is to sponge off friends and contribute nothing to society because he's too good to get a job.

I'd say yes and wouldn't see a problem. If it was every day I might feel a bit put out.

He's only able to consider this lifestyle by factoring in the generosity of people he knows. By saving so much money surely he can pay for a gym membership where he can shower? The van life videos often show this type of thing. He needs to be able to be independent, not relying on others