Van life request to shower

[Uoyeb]

I have a long-standing friend who is a bit unconventional. He’s never really stuck at any job, is a bit of an artist, always low on cash. He tends to live in short term rentals, often studios or rooms in shared houses. It wouldn’t be a life for me but he seems happy and content with it, so be it.

Rents are increasing and and he recent came into a small inheritance, so he’s decided to buy a van to live in. He’ll fit it out similar to a small camper, sleep / live in the van, and then use toilet facilities that are open to the public, and showers at friends or cheap leisure centres or service stations that have that facility.

He’s asked whether, on the odd occasion, he could use our shower if he’s in the area and there’s nowhere else local to go. I’m not sure how to respond.

How would you respond?

I wouldn't have a problem with this.

He's a friend. He can bring his own towel or whatever.

"Of course"

I wouldn't have a problem with it unless it became frequent or he started costing me a lot in terms of electricity, water or toiletries. So I'd respond and say the occasional shower would be fine and that I'd enjoy having a chat and a cuppa with him also.

Wouldn't bother me as long as it wasn't every day but actually thinking about it, that wouldn't bother me too much either as long as he chucked a bit in towards the electric bill

If he’s a genuine friend who you like and trust, why not?

No I wouldn’t mind at all. Make his life a bit easier.

I'd say yes, if this was a friend. Of course.

Depends on the friend and how often.

Does "on the odd occasion when he's in the area" mean an odd day or two every few months or so, or daily for a couple of months solid when he's nearby?

And if you're away would it mean you're talked into leaving him a key?

If this were a time limited agreement then I'd probably say yes. But how long until it's winter/ too hot/ there's a storm/ he doesn't feel well and he's living in a box with no toilet facilities and you've become the default comfort stop?

He'll be parked up on somebody's drive come Autumn. Using their toilet, their hot water, their heating, their electricity, their spare room 'because it's cold', their washing machine and dryer... Because not only are the majority of public toilets locked at night for safety, those that aren't don't tend to be fond of anybody parking up in a camper van overnight/for an unspecified length of time, anymore than anybody parking a camper van on a layby, field or other public or private land is welcomed with open arms.

Fancy it being your driveway/toilet/shower/bills?

Oh, and he'll need a fixed address for banking/benefits/tax/insurance/MOT/etc. You offering that as well?

I lived on a boat for a couple of years and while I was self-sufficient, good friends would always offer a shower or use of their washing machine if I was visiting, because they understood these things were a lot harder on a boat. I didn't rely on it though. I'd say yes but be aware if he suddenly started visiting more frequently.

What do the rest of your household feel about it?

Could he get a membership to a 24hr gym? Then he can just use the showers there. Maybe check if there’s one near you and suggest that ‘in case you’re not in’.

I would say yes and ask if he wanted to stay over for dinner, drinks and a catch-up.

Whilst it isn’t the life for me I do admire those that branch out to live a different life

It’s a mate asking to use your shower sometimes? What’s the actual problem.
He’s choosing an unconventional lifestyle but he isn’t asking to move in for free or take advantage or anything. You call him a friend so you must like the guy. What’s the issue with him grabbing a shower occasionally?

In the very short term I would say yes - in the longer term I would suggest a cheap gym membership that is £20 or less each month where he can use the gym/shower daily with no bother at all.

Our gym recently did an offer £120 for a full year.

It is one thing saving money but not really on to save money by everyone else just paying for your utilities/being inconvenienced by you. I would also worry that it was the tip of the iceberg as it would be shower/washing machine/cooking/charging.... not so much the expense but the hassle. You are not his mum.

Perhaps he could offer to do a couple of hours cleaning at the gym in return for use of facilities. Adults need to pay their way one way or another.

This reminds me of people that don't want to run a car but want lifts door to door with no offer of a contribution. He can only go off grid because others are paying to be on grid.

If he is a friend, why ever would you refuse to let him use your shower?

If he's a genuine friend who you enjoy seeing I would say "yes absolutely but I would need a week's notice so that it doesn't clash with anything."

If they are more of a casual acquaintance I would not agree - it's a van, he can drive it to somewhere like a swimming pool.

My inclination was to say yes, because it’s fine, but I was slightly worried that occasionally would turn into all the time. However, if it gets like that, I’ll just have a word, I’ve known him for years.

The impression I’m under is he’ll call if he needs the shower but if I’m not in, then no problem, he’ll just make other arrangements, which I’m happy with.

Are you assertive enough to call it a day if it gets too much?

Hmm, this has the ability to grow legs. If the van breaks down, does he have the money to repair it? Do you have a driveway he might ask to "borrow"?

He needs to be properly independent, not reliant on the ability of friends to bail him out / put him up / provide the necessities of life.

Suggest he might do better to look at how to maintain his independence....

You never know when you might need a favour from a friend. Or just welcome some company.