Best way to intervene when you see a parent not being very nice to their child

[Kira4]

I was at an airport this morning and there was a mum behind me speaking (imo) quite harshly to her kids. It made me really uncomfortable and I really wanted to say something but chickened out I’m ashamed to say.

A few years ago I saw something similar in a restaurant and my ex husband persuaded me not to say anything but it bothered me for ages afterwards that we didn’t (not that I’d have known what to say).
On the flight today, a man did later challenge the mum and I felt it escalated things and made it more upsetting for the children. None of the cabin crew or anything got involved and most people kept their heads down.

Does anyone have any good advice for dealing with these situations in a way that won’t escalate them but also won’t leave me feeling guilty for not saying or doing something?

you are seeing a tiny snapshot of their day and you don’t know the circumstances so mind your business.

Using the word 'vile' when referring to children concerns me too.

Totally agree - I hope you can see I am quoting the poster and it’s not a word I would ever use myself!

RTFT

Just a quick update: I actually phoned the airline because it was bothering me and I wanted to feel like I did something (I know it’s not about me blah blah but my conscience was bothering me). They said they’d had multiple other reports which made me feel better that there are clearly lots of us did have an issue with it. This was in Spain though where the attitude to kids is a bit different, maybe fewer in the uk would have said or done anything.

My main takeaway was the advice from a poster (sorry can’t remember who) who had been a victim herself as a child and said don’t say something, do something. Think that’s the answer to my question tbh.

I wonder why the law on this is different in different parts of the UK. Doesn’t seem to make sense.

You don't know what devolution is, I guess.

Why are you being like that?

Obviously there’s scope for variation of some laws across different parts of the UK but imo if there’s one area in which the law should be unified it’s in relation to the protection of the most vulnerable. Anything that creates grey area obviously makes it harder to protect children. I also don’t see any obvious local or cultural differences that would justifiably lead to a situation where British children are treated differently under British law depending on which side of a domestic border they happen to be on.

My mum was abusive, if someone had said something to her to it would have been dragged out and used against us for years. It would have been horrendous if someone had confronted her

Unfortunately there is a lot of behaviour that falls under the levels (in the UK) for social services to intervene and saying something will make it worse

I know this doesn't apply to your situation OP because you don't know the family, but the adults who helped me the most when I was a child were some of my friends parents who could tell I was unhappy and would invite me over for sleepovers etc very regularly and would give me the kind of care and attention I didn't get at home. They are the people who taught me what good families, good parenting and good relationships looked like which I might have otherwise missed.

My friend looked after a boy because the neighbours seemed unable to. He would arrive for breakfast, go to school with her sons. Have tea with them. She'd buy/pass down school uniform. She'd wash his clothes, he'd have a shower at their house. It was all very low key but kept his chaotic home life at bay for a few hours a day. They're all men now and very close friends.

Not sure that it was enough to involve social services, because the parents weren't bad just disorganized.

You are guaranteed to escalate it. They either A) know they've lost control and and will be embarrassed, and probably lash out at you, or B) not give a crap and lash out at you. U less you think k there is reportable abuse, there is no way to approach it.

Yes, I saw you were as unhappy as I was!

The best way is not to stick oyur bloody nose in some people's lives Id say.

IO would find the "Are you OK" very patronising. It's not a good approach but I bet it makes some people feel really good about themselves.

Some of these responses are so sad. I would always report it if I was concerned about the safety of a child. I agree maybe saying something to the parent will escalate the situation or they may take it out on the children... But to just ignore and not pass any judgement as the poor Mum might be having a bad day is ridiculous!

I wonder how many times people saw children like Archie Labinjo Hughes being shouted out and verbally abused and did nothing.

Does that include every instance where a child is being abused? Either physically or verbally? You'd keep your bloody nose out if a child was being seriously verbally abused?

I'd say the best way if you don't want people to stick their bloody noses into your life then treat your children decently and don't make people feel that they have to.

But you could have called the police yourself and you didn't??

Parents have a right to be annoyed at their kids, some pearl clutcher who finds the tone "quite harsh" needs to pipe down.
We're not talking about abuse, but some people are extremely/oversensitive and have no clue what goes on in other people's lives, but are ready to jump in and make the judgement loud and clear to sleep better at night.

She was allowed to leave the shop with her son, no police called??

Have you actually read the thread

Probably about 10 years ago in Asda changing rooms there was a Dad shouting at a boy so horribly and it's definitely felt like abuse. You could just tell it wasn't a one off, or a parent at the end of their tether. To this day I still feel sick inside when I think about it that I didn't alert staff or call the police. I just wanted that child to know his life won't always be like that, and people out there can be nice and caring and lovely, and the life he has isn't normal, he didn't deserve it, and hopefully better things awaited him in life. 😢

This.

I've been the parent who has observed to be harsh, but it was merely the tip of the iceberg regarding my child's behavior that day. I'd only step in if I witnessed something quite abusive. You don't know what's gone on prior to what you've witnessed.

I am quite good at diffusing situations because my own family were tumultuous when I was little.

I would go for "sympathetic, diffusing cameraderie" first with the mum (what are they like, eh), then be friendly to the kids after. The kids will benefit more from a diffused mum than a stranger taking a noble stand.

And when does it stop being pearl clutching and become justified concern.....do children have to be beaten in public before it becomes acceptable to you?

There's lots of "mind your business" attitudes out there who equally breast beat and teeth gnash when adults are convicted of child abuse.