Best way to intervene when you see a parent not being very nice to their child

[Kira4]

I was at an airport this morning and there was a mum behind me speaking (imo) quite harshly to her kids. It made me really uncomfortable and I really wanted to say something but chickened out I’m ashamed to say.

A few years ago I saw something similar in a restaurant and my ex husband persuaded me not to say anything but it bothered me for ages afterwards that we didn’t (not that I’d have known what to say).
On the flight today, a man did later challenge the mum and I felt it escalated things and made it more upsetting for the children. None of the cabin crew or anything got involved and most people kept their heads down.

Does anyone have any good advice for dealing with these situations in a way that won’t escalate them but also won’t leave me feeling guilty for not saying or doing something?

Why do you ask? That's not the same situation at all. A mother of children cannot leave them and walk away to cool down. She can't have a few nights away from them if not getting on. She can't ask them to pack their bags if they are screaming and breaking things all day long. There's a complete imbalance of responsibilities and rights in that situation. An adult man losing it with an adult female has all sorts of options to leave the situation. Use your brain!

I would get involved unless it required police involvement. Then I would call the police.

My cousin got involved with a couple arguing outside a bar. He had an argument with a man who was hitting his wife. The man went home, came back with a knife and killed him. Personally, Id leave the professionals to deal with it.

I have said something when I heard a woman screaming at her 2 year old that she was a little bitch. Couldn’t help it it just popped out. No excuse whatsoever for speaking to a tiny child like that. I’m not the sort of person that can look the other way.

I do know that the police take calls from the public seriously on things like this because sadly they're rarely isolated incidents. Even if you don't have much information to go on, these families are often easily traceable and if nothing else it can be further evidence that can be used to help give added protection to some very vulnerable kids. Social services are under massive strain and come in for a lot of criticism but the truth is they rely on reports from neighbours, teachers, shopkeepers etc and also total strangers or they can't do much to intervene to keep these kids safe. We have to speak up for kifs who cant defend themselves when we see what we know is wrong.

Did you really imagine that telling a bully off in front of the child she was bullying would lead to a good outcome?
She will blame the child for the fact that she was publicly humiliated (by you) and the child will get an extra beating as soon as they get home & shut the door

There's a complete imbalance of responsibilities and rights in that situation

@Lilacdew this is very telling. Who exactly is it that you think has fewer rights and who has fewer responsibilities?

Perhaps she was severely jetlagged, very delayed or even travelling to a relative’s death bed. As you say, airports are stressful places, especially with small children.

If you can't handle the stress of holidays or airports being horrible to other people then stay at home. Don't take your failings out on your child. Plenty of parents don't take foreign holidays while their kids are small for that very reason. You get to make those choices as an adult, your kids don't.

Children are “vile” only when they are abused and treated in a “vile” manner.

there is a difference between raising your voice to stop your children from messing around/threatening to take away screen time and some of the absolutely disgusting examples on this thread.

I have no idea why people are justifying some of this.

She might have been all of those things at once but if she'd taken it out on another adult on the plane rather than two children she'd have faced swift and serious consequences.

I have reported a dad being very verbally abusive to his child, and being rough at getting him to move along the road. The child was sobbing. I followed from a distance while on the phone to the police, giving as much information as I could. The parent also called the child and his sibling by name which I passed to the police. I live in a holiday location so I suspect he was a tourist but I figured any information can help build a picture. As I was on the phone another man went to confront the dad (he was gaining a lot of attention) and there was a bit of an argument. This was about 15 years ago. I hope that little boy and his sibling are okay now.

I would be reporting her immediately.

I am horrified because it sounds like the poster didn’t report and this sounds like someone who will do legitimate harm to their child.

We're all a lot more easily traced nowadays than we realise and usually (and hopefully) people like this have been reported on more than one occasion so a profile starts to build up that makes it much easier and faster for protections to be put in place (which sometimes are help for the parents). You'll never regret making that call imo even if you never know the outcome.

I have also done this. I witnessed abuse at a Sainsbury's checkout once and followed them at a distance to their car and called the police. I doubt much was done but sometimes there is a wider picture.

He is a hero for doing this and I too am dismayed at the number of people saying ignore it and it's none of your business.

Stay out of it.
Not your business to correct other parents.

I think you need to mind your own beeswax. Shouting at whining kis in an airport is not breaking any laws.

A few years ago I saw a dad being a really competitive and critical dad at the tennis courts with his son he was coaching - he just sounded a complete dick and it made me feel quite upset for the kid. I couldn't help overhearing as he was so loud and I was just walking my dog past.

A few days ago I saw the same pair playing tennis, again the dad being hypercritical. The son is now a teenager. He gave his dad an absolute verbal tirade in return and told his dad to STFU and to stop being a dick, among other things. So the dad is still a dick but at least his son sees it!

I'm not surprised, you were lucky you just got a mouthful!

Under any circumstances? Parents should never be challenged no matter what they do?

She did smack them which is against the law but I wasn’t looking to get her arrested or anything. Just wondering what I could do if this happened again but I’m not happy that doing nothing at all was the right thing

Both have equal basic human rights, completely unequal responsibilities. And of course a child, being a child, has the right to scream blue murder, but an adult doesn't. The adult has all the physical power and control over whether to nurture or neglect - and of course that should never be abused. But if you can;t see the difference between two adults rowing and a mother losing her cool with children then you're not engaging your brain. They are not comparable situations. Seriously I am not going to keep discussing this with a straw man arguer who can't think before they react.

But unfortunately it sounds like son is growing up to speak like his dad. As someone pointed out unless these cycles are broken they become huge problems for generations.

Someone once screeched at my mother outside a supermarket ‘You shouldn’t have HAD kids if you can’t fucking handle them!!’

She beat the shit out of me and my brother when we got home.

Theres always a risk getting involved (to you and to them) but honestly, it was one of the factors in me learning that how we were living was not actually normal which helped me greatly in other ways.

The ‘are you ok’ approach seems reasonable. It might just be a bad day for them, but it isn’t always that.