I think mum threatened toddler, she doesn't, AIBU?

[Originalusername89]

I was busy doing something that required both hands.

Baby started crying in her pram, toddler went over and started stroking her head but then this changed to hitting her (toddler has form for this when tired plus overwhelm of baby crying. I genuinely don't think it's malicious, more strange toddler impulse, we are working on it, it's improved, and we always physically separate them if this happens, it's not ok to hit etc etc)

Before I could get there my mum tried to diffuse the situation by telling her to stop and then I heard her say 'do you need to see what that feels like?'

At this point I just dropped what I was doing came over, took my toddler (baby strapped in buggy to easier to remover toddler) and told my mum not to threaten her.

Mum said 'i wasn't threatening her'

I said 'the only way to show her what that feels like is if you were prepared to hit her, which is a threat'

She said 'its not a threat I was teaching her lesson'

I think, even if my mum knows she would never actually hit her, as far as the two year old is concerned her grandmother was prepared to hit her.

For context we have a difficult relationship, my mum can't see things from anyone elses point of view, will never apologise or acknowledge what she could have done differently, will defend her actions until she's blue in the face - so she won't see this from the toddlers point of view only hers which is 'i was never going to actually hit her so it's ok' - and she won't see this from my point of view but will accuse me of overreacting. So I'm not bringing it back up with her.

YANBU: it was a threat and it's not ok to threaten a small child with physical punishment

YABU: It wasn't a threat/you're over reacting

PS. not looking for advice on the hitting please, just did my mum threaten toddler or didn't she?

*Sounds like a fuck about and find out situation for your toddler.

She doesn't want to find out how it feels so she'll stop fucking about (hitting the baby).*

So well put that I'm one hundred percent nicking the phrase "a fuck about and find out situation"

This could apply in so many parenting situations. Kids often need that verbal warning to stop & think - even if both sides know there's no follow through.

The number of times I've said to my kids don't... you... dare with that serious warning tone.... neither of us really knows what'll happen if they do dare but we know it'll be baddddddd and thats enough

Bear in mind op?

Human society kinda operates on the implicit threat of consequences. From the extreme end of the criminal justice system as a deterrent, to the knowledge of social repercussions if we cross the line in terms of being rude etc

People are sadly not inherently well behaved.

Who respects the baby's boundaries? Because it sure isn't the OP or her "whack the baby" toddler.

As PP mentioned, OP has already picked her favorite child, and it isn't the defenseless child in the pram.

Now OP has run away because she didn't get the validation she wanted. She figured the usual "I hate my mother and am NC with her" brigade would back her up.

LOL! Are you for real?

"Oh, little Damien! Please stop giving your little sister skull fractures! You know it gives her boo-boos! Now come here and let me cuddle you and tell you for the 62,394th time about 'kind/gentle hands'. Now, let mommy go back to using her two hands for important stuff, and you stay here with baby."

Personally, moms out there with infants should be sure to not let people's kids in their DC's lives who allow those "NVDC" to beat on babies while using the term "gentle hands".

i would be furious with my DM if she said this and implied that she was going to (as an adult) hit a child to show them what it’s like. I would not let her look after my children alone if this was her approach to these situations. I do not think you’re being unreasonable

Absolutely this